Evil Genies

[mmiguel]

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited September 18, 2012 by mmiguel

[phaze]

Granted, I hope you are prepared for a bout of depression considering how often people say offensive things about you in other languages

I wish yugufu zub zub gril habagrash umen repely nashon

[dyalDragon]

Granted. Unfortunately, the genie got his Yagobish dialects mixed up, so instead of "I wish I could have the most amazing life ever" he heard "I wish I could catch the most amazing disease ever:... which, in case it isn't obvious, is incurable and fatal within an hour of contraction.

I wish I had a basket of kittens to play with.

[phaze]

Granted, 1000 kittens delivered in one big basket to your place. They have not been house trained and you did not request kitty litter.

I wish noise control was more efficient (too much meowing from dyalDragons place)

[EDM]

Granted, No one can talk anymore and you go insane as you think you've gone deaf...

I wish I was more...organised...

[dyalDragon]

Granted, No one can talk anymore and you go insane as you think you've gone deaf...

I wish I was more...organised...

Granted... your body parts are now organized alphabetically from top to bottom instead of in the order that developed naturally through millions of years of evolution.

I with I didn't have a lithp.

[Molly Mae]

Granted, No one can talk anymore and you go insane as you think you've gone deaf...

I wish I was more...organised...

Granted... your body parts are now organized alphabetically from top to bottom instead of in the order that developed naturally through millions of years of evolution.

I with I didn't have a lithp.

You lost your lithp without realising it, but you maintain your lisp. Or your inability to type without a lisp.

I wish for a response to this wish. The response may be positive, negative, or neutral, as long as the response exists for any amount of time.

[Kikacat123]

Your wish is granted...and now wasted. Enjoy!

I wish that you (the genie) will not corrupt my, or anyone else's wish. (Now at least others can get their wishes)

[BobbyGo]

Your wish is granted...and now wasted. Enjoy!

I wish that you (the genie) will not corrupt my, or anyone else's wish. (Now at least others can get their wishes)

Granted. Wishes must now be fulfilled as expected.

I wish that you (the genie) will corrupt my, or anyone else's wish.

[phil1882]

granted. since i must currupt that wish, i change the order of the words such that the wish reads:

my (the genie) that you corrupt I wish or anyone else's wish will.

[kestrelknight]

I wish I could drink as much alcohol as I liked without it having any negative side-effects or making me drunk.

[OmegaScales]

Granted. However, a routine police check finds that you have been driving with a BA level 3 times higher than the legal limit. You go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

I wish to be immortal, in body and mind, having the same form as I do now, for all of time, unless i should so which to change, and then only how so I would wish to change. Also included would be the ability to heal from any wound, such as having a limb burned off, I would grow a new one, exactly the same as it had been before being burned off, having any chopped off parts reattach themselves or regrow, and even being able to reintegrate should I be disintegrated.

[Aaryan]

Granted. However, a routine police check finds that you have been driving with a BA level 3 times higher than the legal limit. You go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

I wish to be immortal, in body and mind, having the same form as I do now, for all of time, unless i should so which to change, and then only how so I would wish to change. Also included would be the ability to heal from any wound, such as having a limb burned off, I would grow a new one, exactly the same as it had been before being burned off, having any chopped off parts reattach themselves or regrow, and even being able to reintegrate should I be disintegrated.

Excellent, you live for five billion years until the sun burns up and consumes the Earth, at which point you float through space for eternity. Oh, and during that time you live the lives of several men, making friends and loved ones and watch each and every single one of them die, unable to tell them you are immortal. Also, you get to disappear from peoples' lives several times in order to stop them from wondering just what kind of facial cream you use to keep yourself looking so young. Also during this five billion years time, your chance of being trapped or incapacitated in some way jumps from very little to approximately 100%, which also happens to coincide with your boredom level and eventual insanity.

I wish for three more wishes. And if not that, three more genies.

[OmegaScales]

Saw that coming, more or less. Also, after a long time, I go full circle to complete sanity. (Professor Paradox)

Since I cannot grant you more wishes... there. Three more genies. Too bad they only understand a single language, and only the three of them know the language, and it is impossible for anyone to learn it.

I wish that everyone on Earth would bow down and call me Master in such way that no one, on Earth or otherwise, would question me or believe that I "must be stopped/overthrown," or wish to take my slaves for their own.

[Kikacat123]

Due to your inexperience as a world leader (I assume), you have no idea how to handle that immense power. Subsequently, you fail as a world leader and the earth falls into economic and political chaos. But hey, at least you won't lose your position.

[OmegaScales]

Naaaaah. I'd have other's take care of that stuff. Just as long as people do what I want.

[Kikacat123]

Granted. You shall be instilled with a desire for squid-flavored pickles dipped in chocolate and pepper sauce. Everyone brings you this dish every single day for the rest of your life. Regrettably, the taste remains unchanged despite your craving.

I wish that you will grant, and not corrupt my wish to be able to turn dirt into delicious, healthy food.

[OmegaScales]

Granted. However, people might not eat it due to the fact that it used to be dirt. <-Not corrupted, just stating a fact.

I wish for someone, other than myself, to make a stupid, easily corruptible wish.

[Kikacat123]

I wish that OmegaScales would not be eaten by barracudas... today, at least.

[OmegaScales]

13 July, 2105 - Somewhere in the Atlantic ocean, OmegaScales' Private Island

"As per OmegaScales' final wishes; You all obtain one private jet; Gregory, you obtain all his estates (Woo! Thanks dad!); Matthew, you obtain control over all businesses (Yeah! You were great gramps...); Gwendolynn, you receive all his monies (Thank you, great grandpa...). Now, we dump his body in this tank of barracudas... Wow... they were hungry..."

Present time

Me: "Wow. What a weird dream."

I wish for a toasted peanut butter and banana sandwich. Uh-huh.

[kestrelknight]

*hands you the world's largest toasted peanut butter and banana sandwich*

Bon appetit! Now you can be just like Elvis! (You know, in his later years...)

[OmegaScales]

YAY! Now I'm set for... 20 hours.

I wish someone would make a wish. Other than myself.

[phaze]

Granted you now have multiple personalities, Here take my wish....

[OmegaScales]

Ugh. Life is pointless. I wish-

4 PUPI3S AND KITI3S ADN-

the complete and utter destruction of-

la mujer que ha roto mi corazón en dos.

(in dumb, nasal voice) And bananas! Don't ferget da bananas!

[Kikacat123]

Wish translation:

I wish for puppies and kitties and the complete and utter destruction of the woman that broke my heart in two. Plus bananas.

Granted, the earth explodes, destroying everyone including you. All the puppies and kitties and bananas land in a heap on top of you. Fortunately, the kitties and puppies survive and feast happily on bananas forever.

I wish that I had found a nice, competent genie who will not corrupt my wish instead of finding this mean genie in a bottle.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Kikacat123

[OmegaScales]

Granted. However, the genie, who was top of his class at Genies University and very well liked, had never met any mortal before and panicked on your wishes, accidentally sending himself into a wormhole and me (evil genie) to you.

Hi. What's your wish insignificant mortal?