Evil Genies

[mmiguel]

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited September 18, 2012 by mmiguel

[curr3nt]

No it isn't a thing. http://what-if.xkcd.com/14/

Glass either lets light through or reflects it, but there’s no glass that lets light through one way and reflects it the other way. The glass in police shows is partially reflective (on both sides). The key is that the room on the prisoner’s side is brightly lit, so the reflection washes out the small amount of light from the observers’ side.

[curr3nt]

And Granted, you are a DDR arcade game making people dance poorly.

To continue the xkcd theme... I wish I had a car that could go fast enough that red lights appeared green due to the doppler effect.

[phaze]

For current

Granted, It was at the police station where you where meant to identify members of the mob, unfortunately it was installed backwards

I wish that nobody questions how I know this

For Y-San

http://www.ddr-museum.de/en/

Open times For the DDR museum are

Monday - Sunday

10am - 8pm

Saturday

10am - 10pm

no closing day

For Current

Granted, you HAD a car, at the moment it is orbiting Jupiter at near light speed

Edited October 2, 2012 by phaze

[phaze]

@phaze: Wow, I didn't realize 6.99999999 billion ppl could run better than a 3:12 marathon (that's a 7.33 minute mile, btw ;P). Also, I didn't realize kittens had credit cards...

Wow, I didn't realize kittens could run a 3:12 marathon. Hmm, they might if they are told there is a sale on at Maceys (which seems to be missing a mannequin kitten/ clone replacement ).

[Yoruichi-san]

No one specified what species of kitten curr3nt turned me into...the adult cheetahs can go much faster ;P...

No one questions how you know things, you are simply arrested for knowing them.

I wish we could have an infinite supply of meat for consumption without killing anything...and without having negative side effects of eating the meat. (Yes, I like meat as much as mugiwara Luffy )

[Faizaan]

I wish to win every gamble I voluntarily participate in.

[TheChad08]

I wish to win every gamble I voluntarily participate in.

I bet you would.

[phaze]

Y-san:

Granted you now own a freezing works where other kill the meat for us but you are also a committed vegan. Therefore you have an indefinite supply of meat but not the ill affects associated with eating it.

Faizaan

Granted, but you are compelled to take up every bet offered, Thus forcing you to bet, thus not being voluntary thus you still could lose. You first bet is therefore with TheChad08

I bet that Faizan will grant my wish of winning a bet against him for a vast sum of money

[Yoruichi-san]

@phaze: I will NEVER be a vegan. I start feeling weirdness in my muscles if I don't eat meat for like 1 day (I'm totally serious )...

Nah, the disembodied kitty formerly known as 'Flamebird' grants your wish instead, whereby you do gain a vast amount of money from Faiza(a)n, but end up losing twice that amount on the bet on who grants your wish .

[Yoruichi-san]

Oh, sorry, was distracted by new ep of NCIS .

I wish that my heat distribution appeared 'cold' to infrared scanners so that I could scare the c out of, like, the people at airport security >D.

[phaze]

Granted, you are now a cold blooded serpent. After scaring the c out of airport se_urity (at least the sign that announced them as such) you are labeled a bio-hazard and confined to a small glass tank until customs can figure out your country of origin.

I wish that they find Y-Sans country of origin because the only other option is dire.

[Yoruichi-san]

Muhahahaha...biohazard, eh >D? Yes, things are dire indeed, for they find that, rather than a country, I came from the lab of the Umbrella Corporation and am now carrying the dreaded T-virus instead of venom in my fangs. Oops, did I just bite that nice customs officer trying to wrangle me into the cage? Hmm...I'd advise you all to stock up on supplies and find a remote cabin in the woods...(fortunately for me, the virus doesn't effect disembodied serpent kittens ...and zombies can't do 3:12 marathons ;P)

I wish for a working, regular sized, fully controllable by me and me only, hover-board.

[phaze]

Granted, hover-boards can't do 3:12 marathons

I wish for more brains

[curr3nt]

Granted, enjoy your dinner.

I wish I could really plant plants like those in Plants vs Zombies.

[Rob_Gandy]

Granted, but, since you granted the previous wish as I was trying to, they attack you instead.

I wish to know, and always, remember the ultimate question, and answer (42), of life, the universe and everyyhing.

[phaze]

Granted the ultimate question is "what is 7 times 7"?

I wish I understood the fundamental flaws of the universe

[Yoruichi-san]

Um...I don't get why i

Granted, hover-boards can't do 3:12 marathons

Um...no...they fly...(okay, fine, I suppose at the end of the last Res Evil movie there were those flying mutalisk-looking things... )

Granted the ultimate question is "what is 7 times 7"?

I wish I understood the fundamental flaws of the universe

One fundamental flaw is that you can never know the fundamental flaws of the universe and be happy at the same time...better stock up on prozac too .

[curr3nt]

One flaw is phaze got the question wrong.

What do you get if you multiply 6 by 9?

[Yoruichi-san]

Hmm...that sounds like beginning of an 'adult' joke. *whistling*

(Sorry for forgetting to wish again...too busy plotting the zombie apocalypse >D)

Well, while we're on video games...I wish that I could create save points and life and reset at any point to any previously save .

[curr3nt]

no...

Question: What do you get if you multiply 6 by 9?

Answer: 42

6 * 9 does equal 42 in base 13 but that is entirely coincidental.

As for your wish... granted but your niece/cousin/neighbor's daughter just saved over your saves with a barbie adventure game and you got stuck when you reset your life.

I wish that while falling I suddenly spot an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig and in my astonishment I miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it (the ground) in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

[phaze]

The only way I can think of causing you to defy physics in such a manner while remaining an entomologist is:

To turn you into a caricature of your formal self, give you a butterfly net which you are bobbing up in down in, all whilst being attacked by a rare beetle (which in all true cartoon nature you are being a drama queen about).

I wish I never do anything as undignified as above no matter how my wishes my be corrupted.

[Yoruichi-san]

You never do anything as undignified...but you do do things more undignified.

I wish the world would switch to a base 60 numbering system.

[curr3nt]

Granted but it is because we all have 60 fingers now.

I wish more of you picked up on these Hitchhiker references.

[phaze]

Granted, we did but ignored them due to the room slowly spinning around our heads

I wish I knew the relationship between geekdom and pop culture quotes

[phaze]

@current http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_nolan.shtml for an explanation