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Evil Genies


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I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited by mmiguel
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Your wish is my command. The threshold is....how about 60. Your IQ has to be lower than that to vote. Plus it is illegal to require someone to take a test to be able to vote so enjoy prison.

Granted, I hope you are prepared for a bout of depression considering how often people say offensive things about you in other languages I wish yugufu zub zub gril habagrash umen repely nashon

Granted... your body parts are now organized alphabetically from top to bottom instead of in the order that developed naturally through millions of years of evolution. I with I didn't have a lithp

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You gleefully control electricity now, which does not harm you...

...however, you soon realize the magnetic fields it induce don't agree with you...;P

I wish to be the one to find the elusive Higgs boson :D.

You were the one to find it... but that pesky alzheimers made you forget about it.

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granted, as a result you often find yourself speaking other languages involuntarily to people.

i wish for virtue.

Your wish is my command. After a number of minutes with no changes you question where your virtue is. With a smile I say, "I guess you will have to wait and see..."

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(I guess I'll wish for something for once.)

I wish to know, and forever remember, the truth of whether or not there is a God, and if so which one, for a rock-solid irrefutable method of proving the same to anyone and that the only change brought about by this wish is that I gain the requested knowledge.

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granted. the answer is yes, his name is cathulu, the eater of arguments, and can't provide you with a proof of his existence.

i wish to know how to prove the reimann hypothesis is a way that is acceptable to the mathematical community.

Edited by phil1882
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very well then, you cause havoc around Genieville with your illogicalness (i.e. crashing into houses looking for your glasses) until finally all of the logical genies band together and banish you, stripping you of your powers.

I wish for a bite-size piece of cheese that is edible and tasty, and will not harm me or cause harm (physical or otherwise) to anyone that I like, which is everybody in the world except those who rob and break into peoples houses and murderers.

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Alright...however your wish has become known to the world via the internet and now the people who were protesting outside that one senator's office for his "legitimate rape" comments are now barricading your house for implying that rapists are not as bad as thieves :P.

And I do already speak Chinglish, mon ami ;P.

I wish I could learn to do anything by seeing it done and have complete control over when, where, and if I do it. ^_^

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Genie - "Here, drink this!"

* reads find print on bottom of bottle while Y-san guzzles potion*

"causes permanent blindness after 5 minutes"

Genie - "Now let me give you a 5 minute lesson on how to free a genie"

I wish to fydt da gerb teriup

Edited by phaze
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Well, since I'm blind, I have no idea what phaze just wrote, but unfortunately he wasn't able to reap the benefits long, seeing as how I ran him over right after he made the wish with my peeling bumper sticker car. Hey, don't blame me for not being able to see where I'm going! :P

I wish for a Tardis (that I have complete control over, including when and where it appears ;)) (hey, someone had to do it...)

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granted, but it can only take you forward in time 15 minutes.

i wish everyone would settle on a pronunciation of tomato and potato, thus ruining that song.

Don't really want to ruin this for you... but I say Toe-may-toe, but my friend from South Africa says Toe-mah-toe

We both say Potato the same.

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Granted,

* Take legal permanent possession of Y-Sans body while she is away in exchange for her breaking rule III of the genie code by blindly running over my last body with her beaten up car as opposed to granting a wish, leaves note behind stating *

"Thank-you for freeing me,you have learned your lesson well"

I wish my last wish had never been granted

Edit: There must be a spare bottle around somewhere for you to take up residence in, If I could remember where... Oh that's right I am an evil genie. I DONT CARE. Muhahahahahaha

Edited by phaze
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Oh sweet...now I have an excuse to 'borrow' *cough* any body I want. Hmm...so many choices :D!

Okay, I admit, I'm a little bummed...my last body was pretty nice, with the ability to run a 3:12 marathon without really training and all, but the knees were starting to complain, so maybe I'll go for a younger model. I seem to burn them out fast :( so I guess I'll need to change often. Oh well, maybe I'll 'test-drive' a few first ;P.

Anyways, after I borrowed Matt Smith's body I went back in time in my Tardis and ungranted your wish, which created a paradox, and apparently (as per today's Doctor Who...you do learn something new every day!), paradoxes kill evil beings. Bye bye evil genie...

I wish phaze would finally pass on the One Me Up reins...*cough*...

Okay, for the rest of you: I wish everyone learned calculus in kindergarten.

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Granted, you get to pick your favorite stuffed animal from the box to play with if you manage write a thesis in Urdu about how the Laplace equation relates to the observed social and economic effects after the most recent nuclear holocaust that you have instigated. That should cover Foreign Languages, Maths, Science and Social studies (including Foreign Politics and Criminology). OK you got me, not thorough enough!

I wish that Stewie Griffon wasn't the only one to graduate kindergarten.

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