Evil Genies

[mmiguel]

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited September 18, 2012 by mmiguel

[OmegaScales]

It doesn't matter who grants it. It's the drink of the gods, Ambrosia/Nectar.

EDIT: It was brought to Olympus by doves. Dove=Peace

Edited October 1, 2013 by OmegaScales

[kestrelknight]

Ah, but you never said that. Here's some ambrosia. Just make sure the gods don't catch you drinking it, or they'll ki--

Never mind. Looks like I'm too late... Eh-heh.

I wish for a dollar bill.

[Kikacat123]

Granted. I slipped it into your lunch yesterday.

I wish that I had the power to reverse the actions of a genie.

[OmegaScales]

Granted. When you reverse the actions of a genie, your body will mutate from the amount of required energy to reverse a genie's actions. And you just reversed my morning workout. Enjoy that poodle fur.

I wish for the ability to mutate my body at will. Not painfully, and exactly how I want it.

Ah, but you never said that. Here's some ambrosia. Just make sure the gods don't catch you drinking it, or they'll ki--

Never mind. Looks like I'm too late... Eh-heh.

Actually, I'd be immortal. So instead of killing me they'd probably send me to the underworld. Or Tartarus. Or send me on some epic journey to see if I'm worthy of joining their ranks. Or find some other punishment.

[phaze]

Granted, you are now composed of clay.

* reaches over and turns Omega Scales nose upside down *

I wish that Picasso would properly educate Omega Scales in the art of design.

[Kikacat123]

*OmegaScales runs screaming from undead Picasso coming back from the grave*

"Wait! I must teach you about the art of design!"

I wish that all types of food grew on trees without spoiling or going bad. (Pizza, spaghetti, lobster, hamburgers, candy, cheese, etc.)

[OmegaScales]

Granted, the world is overrun with trees that grow every type of food imaginable, even growing out of the oceans and covering nearly the entire world. The sudden and severe rise in the oxygen level poisons all living animals, including humans, which die almost immediately.

I wish to be the most powerful being in all existence.

[kestrelknight]

Granted. When you reverse the actions of a genie, your body will mutate from the amount of required energy to reverse a genie's actions. And you just reversed my morning workout. Enjoy that poodle fur.

I wish for the ability to mutate my body at will. Not painfully, and exactly how I want it.

Ah, but you never said that. Here's some ambrosia. Just make sure the gods don't catch you drinking it, or they'll ki--

Never mind. Looks like I'm too late... Eh-heh.

Actually, I'd be immortal. So instead of killing me they'd probably send me to the underworld. Or Tartarus. Or send me on some epic journey to see if I'm worthy of joining their ranks. Or find some other punishment.

Hey, I never said kill. I actually meant kiss, because those gods tend to have a thing for... well, anything that moves, really, so you're (figuratively) dead meat. Them catching you drinking the ambrosia is pretty much equivalent to them catching you doing anything else.

And now back to wish granting.

There you go, you're now me. Unfortunately, I am also me, and during mass confusion I take my place as you, that is to say me, who was for a moment you, while you were simultaneously me (who was also you) allowing the world to realise that I am myself, and myself is you, and that you are yourself, but you are me, and we are each other, though also still who we always were - as in, I am myself, and also you, but you are me and I am you and we are one entity, except that we aren't - we're two separate beings, so really we are not each other, we never have been and never will be and aren't at this very moment in time, and this moment too, and all the rest, except that we are, in fact, each other - sort of, in an odd way - because you are you but also me because you were me, and if you were me it goes without saying that I was also you because logic says that, but it also says that we're different and so none of this was really possible, which I could've rolled with if it hadn't happened for a moment back there, but I think it's best if we just forget about the whole thing, because otherwise I'll be typing for the rest of my life.

Got that?

I wish to have this: "There you go, you're now me. Unfortunately, I am also me, and during mass confusion I take my place as you, that is to say me, who was for a moment you, while you were simultaneously me (who was also you) allowing the world to realise that I am myself, and myself is you, and that you are yourself, but you are me, and we are each other, though also still who we always were - as in, I am myself, and also you, but you are me and I am you and we are one entity, except that we aren't - we're two separate beings, so really we are not each other, we never have been and never will be and aren't at this very moment in time, and this moment too, and all the rest, except that we are, in fact, each other - sort of, in an odd way - because you are you but also me because you were me, and if you were me it goes without saying that I was also you because logic says that, but it also says that we're different and so none of this was really possible, which I could've rolled with if it hadn't happened for a moment back there, but I think it's best if we just forget about the whole thing, because otherwise I'll be typing for the rest of my life. " summarised into a maximum of ten words.

[OmegaScales]

"We look alike and have equal power but different minds."

That good?

I wish rookie1ja or a moderator would grant this wish.

[phaze]

"except that we are, in fact, each other - sort of, in an odd way"

Granted, care of KKs confusion about who is who

I wish that who everyone is was not confusing

[dyalDragon]

Granted. Everyone is the new guy at the cubicle next to mine, except everyone just calls him by his nickname, Evon.

I wish the government was staffed by a bunch of petulant children so their actions would make more sense in context.

[Kikacat123]

Granted. I am not even going to list a corruption for this one. You really want a bunch of petulant children making laws and ruling the country?

Edit: I wish I owned a candy store which made delicious, healthful sweets that cured any disease whatsoever and had no side affects.

Edited October 10, 2013 by Kikacat123

[OmegaScales]

Granted. You sell an average of 1 piece a year because the price of each piece is $300,000,000-$2,000,000,000.

I wish rookie1ja or a moderator would grant this wish.

[Zalaxci]

On 9/18/2012 at 1:11 PM, phil1882 said:

granted, you're so intelligent, you're severely autistic, and have trouble performing normal functions such as dressing yourself, showering, and tying your show laces.

calculating the square root of 2 to a million decimal places, no problem, you do that in your sleep.

 

i wish to be wealthy.

Firstly, you get burried in so much gold you go to the hospital injured. Then you are surrounded by paparazzi asking you how you got your money and you lose your private life. Life also gets deathly boring as you have everything you ever wished comes true and you have nothing to work for or to accomplish. Don't worry though, it gets worse. You're so wealthy and have so many trillion dollars that you start spending it or giving it all mindlessly to other people/charities which eventually leads to hyperinflation, meaning prices go up because there is too much money in the economy. Soon enough, many people and companies get rich accelerating the effect. Eventually, the US dollar loses almost all of its value, product demand is higher than supply and the economy crumbles, seeing a worse economic depression than this of 1929

Edit: Just saw how old this thread is. I'm new to the site, I was sorting by popularity

Edited April 17, 2020 by Zalaxci

[PotatoCat]

I wish for a parakeet’s feather.