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this one is pretty cute! Blonde v.s. Lawyer a lawyer sitting on a plane next to a Blonde want to pass some time and turns to her and says, "how about a trivia game, if i ask you a question and you get it right I'll pay you 10 dollars, and if you get it wrong you pay me 1 dollar. then you ask me a question, with the same conditions." blonde says, "no thanks, I'm reading a book." the lawyer says, "okay how about this, 20 dollars for getting right for you, and 20 dollars for getting wrong for me." the blonde rolls her eyes and says fine. the lawyer asks, "whats the distance from the earth to the sun?" the blonde hands him a dollar. then the blonde asks him, "what goes uphill with 3 legs and down hill with 4?" the lawyer blinks for a second and says " i have no idea, i guess you win that round." then hands her 20. "okay my turn again, i am curious, what does go up hill with three legs and down hill with 4?" the blonde hands him another dollar.

Not for kids or catholics, that's for sure. I would prefer cleaner ones. That's just me I guess.

Oh dear Lord.

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Two Blondes With Hammers...Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you Throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You might have to think twice about this one.. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ These are just too cute not to pass on!!!! A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took It to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things Cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied..... 'Two popsicles & some coffee.'

Best blonde joke you'll ever read! Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.' The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.' The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word'comfortable?' The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'

instead If you end up putting a girl in danger, you will endup making out with her just a half hour later. If someone shoots you in the torso, and you fall of a skyscraper into the freezing sea, you will still survive even trained assasinators hesitate when they see a kid even when you are face down in the sea for hours on end with two bullet wounds in the back, you will survive, but have amnesia. when you tell someone to come alone they will ALWAYS come with about 500 backup people snipers will always shoot from the tops of builidings behind HUGE letters bad guys will drive silver pruises, and, even if you've never seen the car in your life, you will always know its the bad guy. if you are the good guy, you are not necessarily innocent if someone is about to shoot you, dont worry, they will kill your girlfriends (whos right next to you)

So there was a black man, a white man, and an Asian man hanging out. They were bored and the black man decided to do something bold. He said, "Watch this", popped a boner, and ran against a wall... and the wall broke! So the white man goes, "Oh yeah? Watch this!", pops a boner, and runs toward another wall... and his wenis broke! So the Asian man goes, "Pathetic! Watch this!", pops a boner, and runs in the direction of another wall... and his nose broke....

A Higgs boson walks into a church and the priest says, "We do not allow vain particles such as you here." So the Higgs says, "Well, without me, how can you have mass?"

did the man play piano professionally?

Don't pretend you didn't like this joke.

Three nuns are at a park sitting on a bench when a man comes up and flashes them. The first two nuns had a stroke... the third couldn't reach.