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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

23. It is sometimes best to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool then open it and let them know they are right.

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22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

When God gives you lemons, make grape juice and let everyone else wonder how you did it.

Also, when god gives you lemons...find a new god.

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

:lol: 3 years ago, we had that poster in the bathroom at school. Well, not that poster, but a real version of the saying. But :lol:, I like this one more!

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23. It is sometimes best to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool then open it and let them know they are right.

HAHA. I remember this one, although I believe the quote reads: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln

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23. It is sometimes best to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool then open it and let them know they are right.

Better to remain silent and appear stupid then open your mouth and remove all doubt. All of these are funny but this one is one to live by (See Below)

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I've got one: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver :D

lol that's kind of stupid, but really funny at the same time

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18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

finally, someone GETS IT!! :P lol! i <3 this one!

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13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

A

\

/

\

I'm not sure that either of those are very good. . . :unsure:

Edited by music_luvr95

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i got one, its a variation of the experience one: is something that comes just after you need it. Experience

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6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Edited by NickFleming

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lol I saw lots of these some time ago. I even made a .txt file :lol:

Here are a few of them:

-Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

-I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

-Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

-Contrary to popular belief, "Damn It" is not God's last name.

-Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

-By definition, one divided by zero is undefined.

-If vegetarians eat vegetables.. what do humanitarians eat?

-Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?

-My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

-An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

-This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.

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An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half empty, but a realistic person knows somebody is gonna have to wash the glass

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Give a man a match, and he will be warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his [rather short] life.

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