Evil Genies

[mmiguel]

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited September 18, 2012 by mmiguel

[Yoruichi-san]

I wish I knew the relationship between geekdom and pop culture quotes

Friends with benefits ;P.

I wish I had a translator app that translated the things people spoke to the way of speaking in my time period of choice.

[phaze]

Granted, It does this by sampling actual speech from the time-period using worm-hole technology (hardware that does not currently exist)

I wish to lodge a patient on this translator software so that I can sue software company for infringement once the hardware becomes available.

[curr3nt]

Granted but the hardware becomes available just after you die of a land shark attack.

I wish phaze hadn't died because of that land shark.

[phaze]

Granted, it wasn't that one, it was the one that snacked on both your legs first to build up his appetite.

I wish that there was no hurry to develop worm-hole technology.

[Yoruichi-san]

There was no hurry to develop it...actually, it was discovered by accident when an apple went through one and hit One-Eyed Zack Nu-Ton, the rapping pirate physicist, on the noggin.

I wish every work place was as awesome the Google campus.

Edited October 5, 2012 by Yoruichi-san

[phaze]

Aren't they? All the workplaces I have been at have been at least as awesome. I am beginning to wonder if it is because I have been employed there.

I wish this wish, wished for wish that was incorruptible

[Yoruichi-san]

(Since you never finished the sentence, the genie gets to finish it for you)

"...y partitioned."

Done. The partition is the part that causes the zombie apocalypse and the part that doesn't.

I wish for a voice-changing bow tie like Detective Conan uses .

[flamebirde]

Okay, but it can only make your voice so high in pitch that no one can hear it.

I wish that I may have this wish that I have just wished.

[phaze]

How to possess something as unsubstantial as a wish let me see

* give flamebirde bottle *

Granted, but don't open the bottle or the wish will escape and never have been granted in the first place

I wish I could remember if it was the right bottle

[Yoruichi-san]

It wasn't...it was actually your last bottle of prozac . Hey, I told you to stock up...

I wish Detective Conan would finally start resolving the main story line. Srsly. *sigh*

[phaze]

Granted, In true detective fiction style he already knows what happened and the people responsible and it waiting for everybody including the viewers to catch up with his line of thinking. At least one of the people responsible will be a character that is only introduced in the last episode.

I wish genies could not use computers

[Yoruichi-san]

Fortunately, there are smartphones ;P.

I wish movies, TV, etc would stop trying to make fairy tales hip and edgy.

[flamebirde]

Granted. Now, they are directed towards kids and you are forced to watch them with your younger sibling/cousin.

I wish I could create a paradox that wouldn't harm me or anyone else.

[phaze]

Granted, there is no such thing as evil genies (technically, I have not hurt them as they never existed)

I wish I knew how I granted that wish

[flamebirde]

granted, but that creates a paradox that accidentally gives me a paper cut, therefore violating the conditions of my wish, therefore not granting my wish, but you did grant it, and so on.

I wish that I knew why.

[phaze]

Granted, it is because you are a evil genie, therefore you do not exist, therefore you do not have a paper cut, therefore the conditions of your wish were indeed granted by the paradox that YOU were responsible for creating. As we have established you are a non-existent evil genie I have received no request for any wish from you so do not need to grant them as you have or have not specified.

I wish flamebirde was able to prove how a paradox creates a paper-cut and so avoid violating rule 3 of the genie code ( E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head). I contest that the paper-cut and the paradox are not related

[phaze]

Evil Genies caught in the act of breaking the genie code*

Genie: Y-San

Rule Broken: III. All harm that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish

How: By blindly running over wisher with a car in answer to the wish "I wish to fydt da gerb teriup"

Caught in the act by: Phaze (the victim)

Genie: flamebirde

Rule Broken: III. All harm that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish

How: By giving self a paper cut in answer to a wish for understanding how a wish was granted if evil genies did not exist

Caught in the act by: Phaze

*which within this game no other code can be thought of as being more highly regarded including and not limited to imposing an impossible or paradoxical situation or accidentally or purposefully creating additional rules.

[Yoruichi-san]

If you're allowed to connect your wish to the previous wish you just granted, then the creative interpretation should be allowed to apply to both those things. *shrugs*

I wish flamebirde was able to prove how a paradox creates a paper-cut and so avoid violating rule 3 of the genie code ( E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head). I contest that the paper-cut and the paradox are not related

With great effort, he managed to fold an origami version of an Escher painting, thereby creating a paradox, and in doing so, he gained a paper-cut.

I wish my parents had had the perfect asian child they wanted instead of me (stupid one-child rule ), and I had, as a baby, mysteriously washed up on the shore of some river where I had been found by an order of elite assassins and been raised by them .

[phaze]

Y-San: <grammar nazi mode>Then it should at least say "All harm that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wishes" </grammar nazi mode>

Granted, When was the last time you asked your "parents" their occupation? And you believed them?! I would have thought the baby mobile of shuriken over your cot was a dead giveaway.

Your parents have the perfect Asian child but abandoned him as well due to them perceiving him having a messiah complex.

I wish that Ysan and her "parents" have and will continue to have no knowledge of my existence or whereabouts unless it is on completely affable terms at which time they will repent and be baptized.

[Yoruichi-san]

Two can play at the grammar nazi game...after all, you don't own the "patient"

All harm that the spiteful genie [where does it say all genies must be spiteful? Can't they just be absentminded, neglectful, or blind?] inflicts [does not specify on who the harm is inflicted upon] should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish [does not say "of the person the harm is inflicted upon", hence the person who is harmed and the person who made the wish do not have to be the same].

I wish that Ysan and her "parents" have and will continue to have no knowledge of my existence or whereabouts unless it is on completely affable terms at which time they will repent and be baptized.

Ysan and her "parents" have no knowledge of your existence, but their other personalities know exactly who you are...and where you live (you were spot on about the shuriken...it was just their alternative, evil personalities blocked it from them ;P)

(Y-san's evil personality: http://thebookofbant.../Hamyuts_Meseta)

I wish every time there was a blatant scientific inaccuracy in a movie, the science gestapo would jump out of the screen and enlighten the audience.

Edited October 8, 2012 by Yoruichi-san

[phaze]

[does not say "of the person the harm is inflicted upon", hence the person who is harmed and the person who made the wish do not have to be the same].

Which is why flamebirde is at fault for giving himself a paper cut...

[phaze]

I wish every time there was a blatant scientific inaccuracy in a movie, the science gestapo would jump out of the screen and enlighten the audience.

Granted, All scientist have been given gestapo training and redistributed to cinemas, however they are no no longer researching the cure for cancer (which they were about to make a major breakthrough with) and numerous other illnesses, and the Mars rover is now wandering aimlessly and has missed a very clear indication for intelligent life being on Mars. A sitting of one movie from Lord of the rings trilogy now takes over a week. Cartoons are worse. It is difficult to fund the new science gestapo from the cinema coffers so the government has to step in and increase taxes to around 100%. It takes so much "explaining" some movies that scientists have died of dehydration, and even in some cases hunger. The economy crashes, research is non-existent and Jamie gets fired from Mythbusters (is made redundant). Eventually everyone comes to their senses and shuts down cinemas allowing scientists to resume their regular position (albeit with the occasional Nazi salute). Everyone now goes to the video store or buys their unscientific Hollywood propaganda online where they are not bothered by stern voices telling them that from that height it would take 1.37 seconds to hit the ground instead of have enough time to assemble a hang-glider that is bound to collide straight into the nearest building, in which time they should still be riddled with an estimated 40 bullets even if the shooter was a completely blind nervous wreak.

I wish I didn't have to remove most of that answer for the sake of brevity

[joef1000]

Granted, but that makes the post so long that it crashes the site's servers and now no-one can get brain teasers and it's all your fault.

(this reminds me of a similar game on another forum http://scratch.mit.e...opic.php?id=281)

I wish the forum in the link I just gave was not going to close at the end of the year

[phaze]

Granted, It is now closing early

I wish I knew what should I do with the plug I have just pulled

[joef1000]

granted, but you electrocute yourself just after figuring out what it's for

I wish for a machine that will make whatever i want 100% of the time and it always works and doesn't blow up and cannot be stolen for it is too heavy to lift.