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joef1000

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joef1000 last won the day on January 14 2014

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About joef1000

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  1. So let's say I have a time machine, and I put £1,000 into a bank account (at time t=0). Now, if I don't touch it for a year (call this t=2), I'll have some interest on my original £1,000. Let's say the interest rate is 1% per year (works for any interest rate really). Then at t=2, my balance is £1,010. So if I ask to withdraw all my money, so I now have £1,010 in my wallet. Then I use my time machine to travel to the day after I deposited the original £1,000, call this t=1,and deposit half the money in my wallet, that is, £505. I then go back to t=3, where I still have the other £505 in my
  2. joef1000

    Chuck Norris Jokes

    Chuck Norris' keyboard has two buttons: 0 and 1 Chuck Norris' computer can solve the halting problem Chuck Norris has counted to aleph one. Twice. Chuck Norris can count the real numbers Chuck Norris knows all of pi Chuck Norris's computer never crashes because it is afraid to Chuck Norris doesn't need antivirus, viruses are afraid to enter his computer Chuck Norris can type sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root without crashing his computer When Chuck Norris uses sudo, there are less privileges Chuck Norris can delete system32 without his computer crashing Chuck Norris's computer can ex
  3. Put windows on their computer
  4. joef1000

    Obscure Jokes

    Loops should start at 0.
  5. joef1000

    The wish game

    In this game, you have to make a wish, whilst corrupting the wish above you. Inspired by the same game on another forum here. There are rules: - No wishing for more wishes - No wishing for more than one thing in a wish (although a wish can have as much detail as you like) - No wishing to break these rules - When you corrupt a wish the corruption must be related to the wish, for example if someone wishes for a cookie you can't say "Granted, but you die before receiving it" because that has nothing to do with the wish itself, you could, however, say "Granted but it's poisoned and you will d
  6. The word 'nothing' has two different meanings: the zero value, or no value at all. This paradox arises from confusing those two things. In symbols: (where > means "is better than") ¬((¬∃x(x > eternal-bliss) ∧ bread > 0) -> bread > eternal-bliss)
  7. 1) For the bullet to penetrate anything, it must have the majority of the energy in the universe. Likewise for the armour that nothing can get through; it must have the majority of the energy. There can't be two majorities. 2) Either it is the fountain of youth which stops ageing but does not prevent death by accidents such as drowning, so yes, or it is prevents all death, so no. 3) I don't accept it. Oh, look, I completed it. Do I get credit anyway? 4) My resolutions to this temporal paradox: a) The universe implodes b) It is in a separate timeline distinct from the original but identica
  8. Granted, it crashes into YOUR house and kills you. I wish for a new phone with lots of memory.
  9. 1 or 2801. It's all down to interpretation of who's going TO st Ives and who's coming FROM st ives.
  10. Granted. There's no air so you can't breathe. I wish for an expensive car that does NOT fall out of the sky onto my head, simply appears in my garage, AND it is ready to drive, fuel and all, AND I don't crash it.
  11. granted, but not intended by you, intended by me. So the wish kills you. I wish i could never die, neither could my closest friends, and i don't get tortured forever. and my friends never end up hating me.
  12. Granted, but it's oblivion so you die I wish the world doesn't end
  13. It's the position in the alphabet divided by 2
  14. Granted, but I was forced to ungrant your wish as the magic in the granting would have crashed the server forever. I wish 1+1=3
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