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Magic_luver101
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~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous

boss, who fired me for not s showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me

this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

~Gone crazy, be back soon.

~It's against my religon.

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How about this one...

~ Didn't you hear? Obama was elected! So now I only have to work when I feel like it and I don't have to pay my bills anymore. However, someone's got to pay for them.

Oops... Call waiting! Anyways, you should probably get back to work so you can pay my bills Mr. boss-man!

Sorry to cut this short but I gotta answer this call. Later Sucka!

B))

Edited by Brandonb
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A guy I knew lived 10min walk from work and was fequently late (3/5 per week) - I came to the conclusion that he did not have to allow extra time to make sure he caught the bus - he agreed ???

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How about this one...

~ Didn't you hear? Obama was elected! So now I only have to work when I feel like it and I don't have to pay my bills anymore. However, someone's got to pay for them.

Oops... Call waiting! Anyways, you should probably get back to work so you can pay my bills Mr. boss-man!

Sorry to cut this short but I gotta answer this call. Later Sucka!

B))

haha! that one's good too!

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How about this one...

~ Didn't you hear? Obama was elected! So now I only have to work when I feel like it and I don't have to pay my bills anymore. However, someone's got to pay for them.

Oops... Call waiting! Anyways, you should probably get back to work so you can pay my bills Mr. boss-man!

Sorry to cut this short but I gotta answer this call. Later Sucka!

B))

Nice!

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Leave a note at your desk that says: "I have kidnapped myself, if you ever want to see me again you must pay the ransom of $15,000"

Either way, you win! :D

;)

My friend had a tshirt like that! LOL

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How about this??

--> On my way to office, I saw a board that said "Go Slow", So I am still on the way .....

--> In my neighborhood, there is an Ant and the Elephant living in the same house and they were having a big fight. I went to sort it out and got to know that the fight was because of unfair sharing of Pizza that they ordered. The Ant took the Bigger Share it seems. I helped both of them get their fair share after several round of peace discussion. And Since I helped them to solve the fight they locked me in their house and gave me a Party... :P:huh:;)

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Lots of these are very funny but will not actually work to be off for the day. Instead, use the old reliable exuse that never fails unless over-used. "Hello boss, I'm not able to come in to work today, I got the runs and I need to stay within 10 feet of a toilet or it will drip out of my pants."

Perfect for the first or second call-off. ;):lol:;)

Edited by akaslickster
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Lots of these are very funny but will not actually work to be off for the day. Instead, use the old reliable exuse that never fails unless over-used. "Hello boss, I'm not able to come in to work today, I got the runs and I need to stay within 10 feet of a toilet or it will drip out of my pants."

Perfect for the first or second call-off. ;):lol:;)

Very True... This is a sure shot excuse which will be approved then and there... Great one akaslickster

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~Call your boss and say, "Sorry, I just had my vocal chords removed and have to stay home for a few weeks."

~Email your boss saying, "Sorry, but I had an accident and now I have bandages over my face and hands, so I can't use my hands or look at anything. I also cannot use my mouth as it is covered as well, so I have an IV drip."

~"Oooohhh, that was today? I thought it was yesterday so I stayed home today... Why aren't there records of me coming in yesterday? Well I had some friends over and didn't want to leave them alone, so I stayed home."

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