Gambit Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing 10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 18 . Procrastinate Now! 19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston. 29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 (edited) Many, many thanks. I can think of a lot of friends to send the link to this post to. :lol: Edit - spelling. Edited November 10, 2008 by UKJon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 lol that made me smile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 andromeda Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 (edited) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Hahahahaha... :lol: Edited November 10, 2008 by andromeda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 (edited) heres another one- - I started off with nothing, and i've still got most of it left :lol::lol: edit: added the smiley faces Edited November 10, 2008 by clozobozo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 I wish I had some...but these are REALLY funny!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Gambit Posted November 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 yeah I liked this one the most "Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 "I've always wonder why things get bigger when they're thrown at you. Then it hit me" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 14, 2008 Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 :lol: love these, SO my sense of humor...could I post/borrow them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 17, 2008 Report Share Posted November 17, 2008 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people look bright until you hear them speak. Change is inevitable. Except from vending machines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 akaslickster Posted November 17, 2008 Report Share Posted November 17, 2008 Very amusing, I appreciate them. * giggling* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. I know SEVERAL people like that.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 This is so funny!!! I ended up bursting out laughing in my music theory class My class ended up wasting 20 minutes reading this... I luv the one about not taking life seriously! That's why it's in my signature Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 This is so funny!!! I ended up bursting out laughing in my music theory class My class ended up wasting 20 minutes reading this... I luv the one about not taking life seriously! That's why it's in my signature Haha...love it! Hey - I like your signature...kinda fits my life too. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 The world is not a washing machine whites and colours can mix Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Magic_luver101 Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 These are actually true statements that I think about haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 MissKitten Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 dint know if this one is funny or not, but here goes: Two wrongs do not make a right. Or a left. It's in my signature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 It sounds like one of those jokes better said aloud. And no, I'm not being apologetic, just truthful. Sounds pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 tiger_lily111 Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 Two wrongs do not make a right. Or a left. In my neck of the woods, it goes: Two wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights are a San Francisco left. Others - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be let out alone. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. If you can't win, make your opponents lose. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde Madness takes its toll, please keep exact change. Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 MissKitten Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted August 24, 2010 Report Share Posted August 24, 2010 (edited) In my neck of the woods, it goes: Two wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights are a San Francisco left. Others - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be let out alone. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. If you can't win, make your opponents lose. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde Madness takes its toll, please keep exact change. Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn? Loved the tequila one! Been a while since I had to wipe away tears of laughter (brings back some memories!) Edited August 24, 2010 by mojobrain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted August 24, 2010 Report Share Posted August 24, 2010 -The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. -Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! -I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 If you come to a fork in the road.. take it! - yogi berra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 here are some great yogi berra quotes if you don't know where you're going, any direction will do. It's not that I fear death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. a nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. go to other people's funerals, so they'll come to yours. if the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. if you come to a fork in the road -- take it! In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 How about - "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!" Or - "Please don't ask me to relax. It's only my tension that's holding me together!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Question
Gambit
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 . Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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