[Guest]

So, I've gone through a ton of guys, and I've never been one to look for love, or try to make it happen. Therefore all of my breakups have been clean, and mutual. I'm still friends with ALL of them. This is why it shocked me when I found a guy who gives me fireworks when I THINK about him. When I see him, or am with him my heart gets all flippy and I feel like a middle school kid with their first crush. For the first 4 or 5 weeks I knew him everything was amazing. I knew that he had liked another girl for about a year, but he still went out with other people. Over those few weeks he became less and less interested in her and spent his free time with me instead of her. Then all of a sudden he began telling our mutual friend he didn't like me. When I brought it up he confessed that it want true, he just didn't want a girlfriend "right now". I of course made a cute "Friends with benefits" joke and left, but it got me thinking: What does that mean? "I don't want a girlfriend right now"?

[Guest]

Aren't I quite the wordsmith? ;D

You are a goddess of verbage. Thanks so much, you fabulous being. Truth be told, I'm not 18 [i know, I lied! No, I just never put my real age on anything. I put my real state, address, phone number, name, social security number etc. But I never tell my age ] Anyways [that was a HUGE tangent] I tried to talk to him today [he also goes to UNCW] and he did talk to me, but it was a conversation that you have like with a neighbor you don't really know, or want to know. I tried to act flirty and interested in what he had to say so I could spin the topic to what I wanted to talk about. He gave short, but polite answers, so I didn't have the chance. Will try tomorrow.

[Guest]

I went through something like that, but I was 35 at the time. The flippy feeling Janesia has, is the same way I felt then. It took me FOREVER to get over that guy. And it was nothing he did, it was all me. I asked him questions and he answered truthfully, but gently. The truth hurts, but I still didn't get it! The only thing that worked for me was distance.

So I would suggest what the others say, ask him. But be prepared for an honest answer, then distance yourself from him so you can make a life for yourself. Good luck!

Nope, I'm not so attached. I've been through tons of those [all through high school] and I've learned from my mistakes. I wont be totally heart broken and cry and eat cookie dough if he doesn't ask me out, but I want us t never lose that thing. You know what "thing" I'm talking about. Where you can call them a two in the morning for absolutely no reason and have it not be weird. OR you can show up randomly at their house and be totally welcome. And you get each others jokes etc. I just wish he would clarify. But hey, tomorrow's another day to ask him.

[Yoruichi-san]

Nope, I'm not so attached. I've been through tons of those [all through high school] and I've learned from my mistakes. I wont be totally heart broken and cry and eat cookie dough if he doesn't ask me out, but I want us t never lose that thing. You know what "thing" I'm talking about. Where you can call them a two in the morning for absolutely no reason and have it not be weird. OR you can show up randomly at their house and be totally welcome. And you get each others jokes etc. I just wish he would clarify. But hey, tomorrow's another day to ask him.

Hmm...those "things" you talk about seem like things friends do...when I was in college I'd go around to my friends' rooms at 2 in the morning to hang out and we constantly joked and jested with each other...are you of the belief that guys and girls can't just be friends?

[Guest]

Hmm...those "things" you talk about seem like things friends do...when I was in college I'd go around to my friends' rooms at 2 in the morning to hang out and we constantly joked and jested with each other...are you of the belief that guys and girls can't just be friends?

I believe that. I have more guy friends than girl friends. But I like him [as more than a friend] and he likes me [as more than a friend] too. He just "doesn't want a g/f now"

[Guest]

Hmm...those "things" you talk about seem like things friends do...when I was in college I'd go around to my friends' rooms at 2 in the morning to hang out and we constantly joked and jested with each other...are you of the belief that guys and girls can't just be friends?

Who say no? Only thing is up to how long it will go.

I have a very close girl friend in my collegue time. So close that I am staying outside yet she stay in the collegue hostel but yet sometimes I am able to walk over there to talk to her. Until my house mates suspect I am serious about her. But she and I know we treat each other as good friend.

But now we are working, far from each others. I have my family to take care and she has her own career to pursue. So we talk less (maybe only once a year? ) But whenever we talk, never forget to tease each others.

[Yoruichi-san]

Who say no? Only thing is up to how long it will go.

I have a very close girl friend in my collegue time. So close that I am staying outside yet she stay in the collegue hostel but yet sometimes I am able to walk over there to talk to her. Until my house mates suspect I am serious about her. But she and I know we treat each other as good friend.

But now we are working, far from each others. I have my family to take care and she has her own career to pursue. So we talk less (maybe only once a year? ) But whenever we talk, never forget to tease each others.

I'm not saying ppl in a relationship can't joke around, but I'm saying being able to joke around with someone is more an indication of friendship than of a serious relationship...at least, that's my experience. ;P

[Guest]

I believe that. I have more guy friends than girl friends. But I like him [as more than a friend] and he likes me [as more than a friend] too. He just "doesn't want a g/f now"

Maybe he still don't know what he want for now. I mean he don't know how to handle the life if has a g/f and compare to last time nobody border how he spend the time. But the best way is to talk to him and listen what he say. Yup, be prepared to hear the most painful truth (I sincerely hope you don't need to). If there is, then reply him a beatiful smile, turn back and walk steady away from him. Give him greater impact than what he give you.

Anyhow, wish you luck.

[Guest]

Maybe he still don't know what he want for now. I mean he don't know how to handle the life if has a g/f and compare to last time nobody border how he spend the time. But the best way is to talk to him and listen what he say. Yup, be prepared to hear the most painful truth (I sincerely hope you don't need to). If there is, then reply him a beatiful smile, turn back and walk steady away from him. Give him greater impact than what he give you.

Anyhow, wish you luck.

I kinda like that. I used to be more important to him, but when I showed that I liked him too he kind of went cold

[Guest]

I'm not saying ppl in a relationship can't joke around, but I'm saying being able to joke around with someone is more an indication of friendship than of a serious relationship...at least, that's my experience. ;P

I just thought of it as a sign that you are comfortable around the person, and willing to be yourself when you're with them.

Where's the harm in that?

[akaslickster]

With 4 pages of comments about this topic, I can only hope you get satisfied. Then I will do my own troubles.

Speaking to Janesia only.

Edited September 16, 2008 by akaslickster

[Guest]

I'm not saying ppl in a relationship can't joke around, but I'm saying being able to joke around with someone is more an indication of friendship than of a serious relationship...at least, that's my experience. ;P

some true, some relationship to harsh to strong - must laugh togehter. serious is not fun, no fun no balance of emotion - balance hard to achieve, is easier for girl, boy need to learn balance emotion, take time for body to adjust for man (chemical). that is why girls can cuddle boys can not. not all girls can cuddle. most boys can not cuddle (hug). boy cant touch friend on shoulder if friend boy, if girl it is bit easier.

janesia maybe hard for you with boys too - look at self. (i not say you bad, boy sounds bad, you have made wrong 'mssg/s' maybe) janesia - you let down in mekal topic - is it same with boy? make mssgs clr, that important

[Guest]

I have a feeling he knows that I want to talk to him because he's been avoiding talking to me for more than five minutes. When we're on the phone he'll find an excuse to get off etc. For the short ammount of time we talk we still have that "thing". I just don't know. A guy from my design theory class asked me out today. Yay me! I agreed to go out with him, but i'm not giving up on Ray. That's the original guy.

[Guest]

Well, that might be a good idea

Perhaps Ray just needs some more time.

[itachi-san]

Well, that might be a good idea

Perhaps Ray just needs some more time.

not good for the 'new guy from design theory'

[Yoruichi-san]

not good for the 'new guy from design theory'

I say go with whichever one treats you better...

[itachi-san]

I say go with whichever one treats you better...

Agreed. I was being sarcastic though truthful in that remark about the new guy. In my experience I have sometimes built up an image of a girl I was attracted to, that frankly wasn't true. Then I got so pre-occupied with trying to date someone who wasn't really real, that I missed out on a much better girl who liked me and I was too blinded at the time to see.

If your new relationship is great, then forget about the 'original guy' (for dating). It may be difficult to shake that perfect image from your thoughts, but time will help that and you'll be better off.

[Yoruichi-san]

Agreed. I was being sarcastic though truthful in that remark about the new guy. In my experience I have sometimes built up an image of a girl I was attracted to, that frankly wasn't true. Then I got so pre-occupied with trying to date someone who wasn't really real, that I missed out on a much better girl who liked me and I was too blinded at the time to see.

If your new relationship is great, then forget about the 'original guy' (for dating). It may be difficult to shake that perfect image from your thoughts, but time will help that and you'll be better off.

I agree. I learned a long time ago never to have an internal image of someone. Just let yourself go with the flow and take in what's actually there. Don't get stuck in feelings about your personal fantasies about a dream guy or dream life, instead, allow yourself to absorb the feelings that are really there. What you find might surprise you...it's certainly surprised me more times than I can count.

[akaslickster]

In a nutshell, please don't be fooled by guys who spoil you with goodies. If they give a darn about you, they will be interested in your internal self, mentally and emotionally. The time you spend before getting steady is ultra important.

I ddon't care what if they say you are scaredy cat. It is your future and not theirs.

[Guest]

That [getting caught up in one guy] is exactly what I was saying! I'm willing to look around, I’m not one to rush into a relationship. I had breakfast with the design theory guy today. His name’s Kyle, and the reason why I chose breakfast is because that’s the perfect time of day. If things go wrong and are awkward you can leave and say you have an important meeting to go to.

So Kyle and I ate at Jason’s. That’s a breakfast hut that we have really close to the college. We spent the whole time talking, and it was very interesting. We left together, and had tons of fun. He’s a great guy…I’m just not so sure if I see him in a romantic light. I plan on hanging out with him in the future, but, even though he’s incredibly cute, there’s no physical attraction.

I think he felt the same way, so oh well. I’ll keep you posted.

[Guest]

some true, some relationship to harsh to strong - must laugh togehter. serious is not fun, no fun no balance of emotion - balance hard to achieve, is easier for girl, boy need to learn balance emotion, take time for body to adjust for man (chemical). that is why girls can cuddle boys can not. not all girls can cuddle. most boys can not cuddle (hug). boy cant touch friend on shoulder if friend boy, if girl it is bit easier.

janesia maybe hard for you with boys too - look at self. (i not say you bad, boy sounds bad, you have made wrong 'mssg/s' maybe) janesia - you let down in mekal topic - is it same with boy? make mssgs clr, that important

I get where you are going with this however I do have some disagreements with some of what you have said.

Emotional balance - I don't think it is easier for either sex. Men have to make sure they are thinking with the rigth head, women have to make sure they aren't being overly emotional. Granted not every guy or every girl falls into this normality.

Cuddling - So not true. Personally I love to cuddle. I love to hug. And I'm ok with leaving it at that.

Touching on shoulder - this really depends on the type of touch. If it is more of a sensual touch, then nope I'm not going to touch my guy friends the same way I do my female friends. However if it is more of a "hey what's going on, haven't seen you in a while' touch, then bring on the shoulders!

Back to the actual topic at hand.

Janesia- I think you have several good perspectives on this matter. Most of which I personally agree with. Since it seems to e you have chosen to confront him about it, I will say you need to be forceful if he tries to veer away from what YOU want to talk about. Many times, or maybe it is just me, when a topic is stirring up that a guy doesn't want to talk about they will do whatever they can to postpone it to the last second. Keep your head up and like it's been said before. If he turns you down, accept it to his face with a smile and walk away. Don't look back, and NEVER let him see it hurt you. There is a huge possibility you just got the upper hand and he'll come running for you.

[Yoruichi-san]

Janesia- I think you have several good perspectives on this matter. Most of which I personally agree with. Since it seems to e you have chosen to confront him about it, I will say you need to be forceful if he tries to veer away from what YOU want to talk about. Many times, or maybe it is just me, when a topic is stirring up that a guy doesn't want to talk about they will do whatever they can to postpone it to the last second. Keep your head up and like it's been said before. If he turns you down, accept it to his face with a smile and walk away. Don't look back, and NEVER let him see it hurt you. There is a huge possibility you just got the upper hand and he'll come running for you.

This sounds like a game to me...

[Guest]

Haha, I guess it is sort of like a game. I tried to talk to him about it. I knew he'd come to class early, so I did too. I started randomly hatting and it was great. We had the smae funny chemistry as always. Then I tried to bring it up. This is the conversation that followed:

"So can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"Is anything wrong? I noticed that we havent been talking as much ever since you told me you don't want a girlfriend right now. I'm fine with being just friends, I just want to know where we stand."

"It's fine. It's not that I don't like you..."

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing"

"Is there a reason? Did I do anything?"

"I'm sure you did something"

"Huh?"

"every one does SOMETHING. Unless they're dead"

Then he gives me a hug and walks away.

[unreality]

haha, wow Then you can officially hang out with Kyle and see if it turns into anything ;D

[Guest]

And, you officially know you're not dead

[Guest]

I hope I'm not dead....

I remember the times I got waaay to attached to guys and when they didn't like me I cried and was heart broken for days. Ah, hose were the days.