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mmiguel

Evil Genies

Question

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited by mmiguel
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338 answers to this question

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@KK You again forgot to wish.

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Derp. Okay, then.

I wish to be a genie.

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Granted. You are now a genie that corrupts all possible wishes.

I wish for that which I already have.

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Aaaand... *poof!*

You feel something different deep within you... You now have two appendixes! How sadly useless.

For those who've had their appendix removed...:

You feel your heart beat a little faster... Placing a hand to your chest, you feel two heartbeats! You're a Time Lord! Alone in the Universe, without any family, destined to watch those you love die, while you never age, and never die.

EDIT: I wish for a diamond.

Edited by kestrelknight
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Granted. You now own the smallest diamond in existence, containing only 5(?) atoms.

I wish this wish were granted by a genie that does not corrupt wishes.

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Hello, my name is Ageniethatdoesnotcorruptwishes. My parents have unresolved issues...

I wish for OmegaScales to drop down dead.

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Grante

Edit: -d. I was dead for a few seconds.

I wish for a hug.

Edited by OmegaScales
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granted. a bear "hugs" you.

i wish for an uncorruptible wish.

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Granted. Feel free to wish for a painful death. I promise not to corrupt that one.

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I wish to go to the future, to check on Peter Capaldi... You know, to make sure he didn't mess up his role as The Doctor, and kill him if he did...

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granted; he did mess up his role and you end up having to kill him.

i wish for strong telekinetic powers which i have perfect control over.

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Granted. You now have complete control over your telekinetic powers, which only allows you control over telephones.

I wish that the genie that grants this wish loses his or her powers.

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Oh noes! I'm helpleeeeesssssssss!

But wait! What's that on the ground? A genie's lamp! *rubs the lamp, causing a green genie to come out*

"Hey. I'm the only good genie in the world. After granting you one wish, I'm going to retire in sunny Florida! So, what'll it be?" the genie asks me.

"Well," I respond, "I used to be a genie, just like you. Unfortunately, some cruel master wished away my powers! I'd like them back, please."

"GRANTED!" he cries, and promptly disappears.

I wish for more wishes.

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Wishing for wishes is off-limits.

♪I wish I had an angel for one moment of love!♪

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Granted. You are so surprised by your wish actually being granted that you can only gape in shock - luckily, its only one moment so the angel then disappears.

I wish that I could not obey the rules stated by the opening post in this topic.

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Granted, you do not have to follow the rules. However, the genie king tells you that if you decide not to, he will strip you of all powers and throw you into the deepest pits of Tartarus where you shall suffer for eternity and beyond...

I wish for enough money to live without having to work or suffer for the rest of my long (at least 60 years) and prosperous life.

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Granted, An anonymous donor has provided you with enough money to survive provided you do not work. You will survive long after you given up on the monotony of having no purpose.

I wish for wisdom.

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Granted, you now have the wisdom of an amoeba.

I wish I could fix the world.

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Granted, Here is some duct tape cause you can fix anything with duct tape

I wish the last 'e' in "Evil genies" was a 'u'

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Granted, Here is some duct tape cause you can fix anything with duct tape

I wish the last 'e' in "Evil genius" was a 'u'

Granted. That accomplished nothing.

I wish to be King of the Pirates!

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Granted, Please learn the following lyrics as opening night is next Tuesday

"Oh, better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly,
Than play a sanctimonious part,
With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
Away to the cheating world go you,
Where pirates all are well-to-do;
But I’ll be true to the song I sing,
And live and die a Pirate King.

For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!

For I am a Pirate King!

You are!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!

And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

It is!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!

Hurrah for the/our Pirate King!

When I sally forth to seek my prey
I help myself in a royal way.
I sink a few more ships, it’s true,
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;
But many a king on a first-class throne,
If he wants to call his crown his own,
Must manage somehow to get through
More dirty work than ever I do,

For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!

For I am a Pirate King!

You are!
Hurrah for the Pirate King!

And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

It is!
Hurrah for our Pirate King!

Hurrah for the/our Pirate King!"

I wish there was no such thing as musicals

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Granted. Musicals are completely erased from the face of the earth. Unfortunately, musical nerds everywhere are now plotting your imminent demise. In the meantime, you've become your own internet meme.

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For not making a wish evil genie KK has been banished to a bottle and sent on vacation to an unpopulated tropical island for the next 1000 years. By the time his bottle is picked up by a misplaced dehydrated but boat-less sailor his sanity will be non-existent due to his creation of multiple personalities so that he may have someone to torture during his convalescence.

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Said person then wishes KK 1000 years back in time to continue being abused by folks on the Evil Genies thread.

I wish for the liquid gold that the gods drink, that which all, with nevar same tastes, may enjoy as poured from the same pitcher. That which may reverse mine bodily time, and transcends those who drink it, and brought forth on the wings of those who deliver peace.

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"Brought forth on the wings of those who deliver peace," you say? *reads all previous posts*

Well, mmiguel wished for world peace on page 5. His wish was "granted" by Yoruichi-san.

Phaze then later wished for world peace on page 30. His wish was "granted" by Aaryan.

Well, it seems that only those four are the only ones fit to fulfil your wish, depending on whether you think the master or the genie is responsible for the fulfilment of the wish. I guess there's nothing I can do, sir.

I wish that one of the four people mentioned takes over to fulfil OmegaScales' wish.

Edit: Just fixing some typos... ^_^

Edited by kestrelknight
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