Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick a$$."
Chuck Norris does not need a passport. Chuck Norris exists in all 24 time zones simultaneously.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
At 3:37pm every day, Tokyo has a one minute seven second silence to honour Chuck Norris.
In blackjack, Chuck Norris always hits on 20 if the dealer is showing 10. Chuck Norris hates the possibility of a tie.
Chuck Norris will eat your soul for a Klondike Bar.
Chuck Norris just pissed your pants.
The original "Chuck Taylor All Stars" shoe from Converse was originally named the "Chuck Norris All Stars," but Norris had the name changed when Converse refused to make their slogan "Run faster, Jump higher, Roundhouse harder."
Chuck Norris doesn't have to eat, but he does it anyways to be cool.
When Chuck Norris bleeds, oak trees sprout up from where the blood fell.
Chuck Norris invented the spork. He then killed Colonel Sanders with it.
When Chuck Norris beats his dog for peeing on the rug, he does so at the PETA headquarters out of sheer spite.
Chuck Norris was trained by Bruce Lee, who was in turn trained by a time traveling Chuck Norris thus completing the circle.
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,483.
Whenever Chuck Norris hears the "Numa-numa" song, he roundhouse-kicks the closest fat kid.
Chuck Norris has won placing bets on the Super Bowl every year for the last 40 years. Not because he successfully picked the winning team each year, but because the bookies are too scared to tell him he was wrong.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your a** and take your dollar.
Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
Chuck Norris once flipped a coin, it still has not landed.
Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
Babies don't cry when they are born because a doctor slaps them on their butt. They cry because every baby is born with the innate fear of the fact that Chuck Norris still roams the Earth.
Chuck Norris wears custom made boots with his name reverse-imprinted on the bottom. The reason being is so if anyone ever asks him for his autograph, they will get it permanently across the side of their face.
When Chuck Norris gets in a car crash the air bags do not save Chuck Norris, they save the car.
One does not punch Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris headbutts one's fist.