OmegaScales
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Everything posted by OmegaScales
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How's this one?
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I believe that would be Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places. which I have. I believe it applies to any place where one, if they fell, would fall for a while. On a positive note, at least you don't have logizomechanophobia- Fear of computers!
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I read a joke similar to this... I'm sure it's just a "coincidence."
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Actually, you said
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Sorry I can't post this message. My computer fell in my bath water and I died (My computer is fine after it dried itself out). By the way, you don't kill a pineapple with a red herring, but an egg.
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"Hi, how are you?" "Alright I guess. You?" "I'm doing well, but I don't speak English." "What are you talking about?" "Well, I only know those two phrases, plus this one exlaining it." "I don't believe you."
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I just thought of a funny answer to the original question. And for the plane one.
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Why won't this emoticon work?-> :roflmao:
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"What is this?" "Isn't it just sodium chloride?" "You could say that, but it would be in-salt-ed." The jokes have just be-pun.
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25. DROP something and "try" to pick it up. When someone bends down to pick it up for you, make a farting noise and cover your nose.
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I have heard this too many times
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How about The Song That Never Ends?
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-your friends have left because you were busy doing EXTRA homework, and you didn't realize they had even come over. -your parents ask you NOT to go to school. -you show up to class wearing sweats and your teacher/professor asks where they can get some. -your attendence records are at least 101%. alternatively, you know you spend too LITTLE time at school when... -your parents call and ask for you, and the school says they've never heard of you. -the school calls and tells you not to bother coming because you missed the first half of the year.
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My friends wouldn't get the punch line. For those like my friend...
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Yo mamma's so dumb, her IQ is negative infinty. Yo mamma's so fat, I forgot what planet she is. Yo momma's so old, she remember's the Big Bang waking her up. Yo mamma's so dumb, my friend borrowed her brain for a few days and she was fine. Yo mamma's so old and fat, she gave birth to the Big Bang.
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. He should have said, "His age is one thousand twenty points higher than your IQ." ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? But what if they were hermaphrodites? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. Umm... the witness'? ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. Didn't the witness also say HE!!! All these make me lol, especially the last one.
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Here's a story I read a long time ago. I forget some parts of it, but it is 110% true. A man was in jail (I forget why) but that didn't stop him from stealing items to make his stay more comfortable. He managed to pry the bars apart somehow and "sneak in" food, games, and even a tv and recliner! Needless to say, he got found out. When I read this, I thought, "why didn't he just run away?"
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I tried the walking button... you don't get out of America until step 502 of 1765, and it would take 148 days 21 hours of nonstop walking, kayaking and whatever else it says to do (I only read a few steps cuase I have a life).
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One thing that a guy should mean when he says it (especially in an arguement) is "You're right dear." Also, a woman is always right, even if she thinks she's wrong (with certian exceptions, like when she thinks she's wrong about there being straight guys who are sensitive, caring, and will love their partner even after forever is over {hey, that's me!}).
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I can't believe noone posted one of the most memoriable palindromes. There's also Otto.
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Here's a couple more I heard. How do you kill a green elephant? How do you kill a yellow elephant?
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What happened to the girl I wonder?
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The way I heard it, the pit bull was named God.
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This reminds me of a nun joke. Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice a drunk man following them. They decide to split up and whoever he follows will give him the slip and meet the other back at the convent. So they do so, except the nun he follows can't get away. When she meets her sister back at the convent, the sister asks what happened. "Well, I couldn't get away from him, so I pulled up my dress and he pulled down his pants." "And what happened?"
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I read a joke relating to this one. A music store owner needed to buy some supplies, so he put a sign on the door. Unfortunately, he was a bad speller.