OmegaScales
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Everything posted by OmegaScales
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First I'm like this Then I'm Like this
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It takes hundreds of muscles to frown, but only four to reach out and slap the idiot on the back of his head.
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No humans got hurt in the making of this joke. Just a lawyer.
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A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and asks if he can sit next to her. "NO I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" she screams. The entire bar is quiet for a few seconds while he slinks off to a far table. A little later, the girl walks up to him. "I'm sorry about before. I'm writing a psychology paper on how poeple react in embarrasing situations and needed a live example. What do you say to me making it up to you with a drink?" The guy stands up quickly and screams, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO HUNDRED BUCKS?"
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You talk to a picture of your wife... and it yells at you.
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An skeptical athiest and a confident christian are talking. "How do you know God exists?" "How did you know your wife's cheating on you?" P.S. I love the golf one
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One day, a long time ago, Chuck Norris got bored and went to the flourishing planet of Mars... If Chuck Norris had a son, we would all be dead by now. Scientists recently found a gene for having fear because Chuck Norris said he didn't have that gene. If aliens invaded Earth, Chuck Norris approved it. "Daddy, daddy! Chuck Norris is behind you!" "No, that's just a cardboard cutout." "Daddy, how come you're talking when your head is cut off?" I asked permission to publish some facts on Chuck Norris, but he thought I was a talking cockroach. Chuck Norris told me not to tell you that...
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Chuck Norris vs. an infinite amount of people. That is unfair.
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An Irishman walks down the bar and finds a dusty old lamp, so he rubs it. A genie pops out saying he'll grant him three wishes. The Irishman thinks and wishes for a beer that is never empty. Poof! He has a glass in his hand. he drinks it down, and just before it's empty, it magically refills itself. "Okay. What are your other two wishes?" "I want two more 'o these."
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Say random things all the time, like "I'm not wearing any underwear," "My banana won't connect to the internet," "My pet rock ran away!" or anything else you want when your alone with him/her, but pretend not to know what he/she is talking about when his/her or your friend(s) is/are over.
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I'm more in the first group than the others. I just read it cause I don't have anything better to do, but I did like it.
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How did the blonde survive a ten story drop?