[Guest]

So, I've gone through a ton of guys, and I've never been one to look for love, or try to make it happen. Therefore all of my breakups have been clean, and mutual. I'm still friends with ALL of them. This is why it shocked me when I found a guy who gives me fireworks when I THINK about him. When I see him, or am with him my heart gets all flippy and I feel like a middle school kid with their first crush. For the first 4 or 5 weeks I knew him everything was amazing. I knew that he had liked another girl for about a year, but he still went out with other people. Over those few weeks he became less and less interested in her and spent his free time with me instead of her. Then all of a sudden he began telling our mutual friend he didn't like me. When I brought it up he confessed that it want true, he just didn't want a girlfriend "right now". I of course made a cute "Friends with benefits" joke and left, but it got me thinking: What does that mean? "I don't want a girlfriend right now"?

[Mekal]

I hope I'm not dead....

well, now you know you can always turn to us... well... that is if you want your answer in encrypted riddle form...

[Guest]

Haha, thanks. Mkay, so I saw him this morning. I said hi, not expecting much. He gave me a tight, lingering hug, and kissed me on the cheek. Then he said "I'm sorry I haven't really been there, but that's gonna change. I've just been.....going through stuff..."

Then my phone rang and he had to go. What. The. Fu^/;!?!?!

[Guest]

Haha, thanks. Mkay, so I saw him this morning. I said hi, not expecting much. He gave me a tight, lingering hug, and kissed me on the cheek. Then he said "I'm sorry I haven't really been there, but that's gonna change. I've just been.....going through stuff..."

Then my phone rang and he had to go. What. The. Fu^/;!?!?!

If i may... Usually the best thing to do is just get over the guy. Go out with someone else! I fell for a girl really really hard... in the end she cheated on me and she wanted to comit suicide when i found out. Heh! I was nice enought to comfort her to not killing herself, then she lied about going out with another guy 3 days after we broke up. For the longest time i was heart broken, about 9 months. Then i finally met someone new that i liked... so i started to date her and now we are as happy as ever. Of course there are a few rough patches but what relationship doesnt? The funny thing is that this girl has suddenly changed her mind on where i am in her life and is looking to have a "thing" with me again. I'm all for that, but the past is what stops me. My heart may be made of glass but my mind isnt. Now we are just friends... she kissed me on my B-day ( i wasnt taken at the time) and she was blushing when she pulled away. She has told me she loves me and all that stuff... i just say yeah me to. Not really, but i am REALLY not the guy to break a girl's heart. So i left it at friendship.. maybe a bit more than friends... but who knows whats going to happen in the future.

My motto... forgive but dont forget

Drink, get messed up, party, live a little... then go out there and find a better guy!

Prince Charming is out there... you just have to look a little

[Guest]

Drink, get messed up, party, live a little... then go out there and find a better guy!

Prince Charming is out there... you just have to look a little

You definitely just told me to get messed up ! Ha-ha. So now that I’m done with that laughing there's an explanation for it all. I called him and a girl answered the phone. And she sounded cute. Immediately I got pissed. I realize that he's not mine, but he said he didn't want a girl friend. I told her that my name was Mandy and I was looking for Ray. She said "Mandy Carmichael?" I told her yeah and she told me to come over immediately. Turns out Ray saw a man that was very close to his family, like a father, commit suicide. Man, I feel like a horrible person. So now I'm just sitting around, feeling bad, and I have no idea how to help him get though this. My dad committed suicide, but I was nine, and I wasn’t there.... I hate those people that say things like "I know exactly what you're going through" I will not be that person, but I don't know what to do/say. They were all just sitting around the kitchen looking all depressed and I was all ready to be mad at him. It happened on the day before I made this thread and today was his [the deceased] birthday. It was the saddest thing I’ve seen in my whole left.

[unreality]

Wow.... I say give your grievances, say sorry's, comfort people, etc, then remove yourself from the whole situation

[Yoruichi-san]

You definitely just told me to get messed up ! Ha-ha. So now that I’m done with that laughing there's an explanation for it all. I called him and a girl answered the phone. And she sounded cute. Immediately I got pissed. I realize that he's not mine, but he said he didn't want a girl friend. I told her that my name was Mandy and I was looking for Ray. She said "Mandy Carmichael?" I told her yeah and she told me to come over immediately. Turns out Ray saw a man that was very close to his family, like a father, commit suicide. Man, I feel like a horrible person. So now I'm just sitting around, feeling bad, and I have no idea how to help him get though this. My dad committed suicide, but I was nine, and I wasn’t there.... I hate those people that say things like "I know exactly what you're going through" I will not be that person, but I don't know what to do/say. They were all just sitting around the kitchen looking all depressed and I was all ready to be mad at him. It happened on the day before I made this thread and today was his [the deceased] birthday. It was the saddest thing I’ve seen in my whole left.

That's terrible. He totally had a right to be upset and depressed and everything, but if he can't share something like that with you, then you two aren't that close. And although it is good for you to try to help him in any way you can, he needs a partner who he can share stuff like this with and you need a partner who can share stuff like this with you. Don't feel bad about not knowing what was going on.

[Guest]

I took the above advice and called him and he told me that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to make me feel sad. He also told me [with no coaxing] that he didn't want a girlfriend because he didn't want anyone else to be close to, and lose them too. [< Obviously not in the die kind of way, but like break up]

Note he said "didn't". I think that means he does now....? I'll keep you posted.

[unreality]

Stop chasing after possible loopholes in his grammar ;D

[Yoruichi-san]

I took the above advice and called him and he told me that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to make me feel sad. He also told me [with no coaxing] that he didn't want a girlfriend because he didn't want anyone else to be close to, and lose them too. [< Obviously not in the die kind of way, but like break up]

Note he said "didn't". I think that means he does now....? I'll keep you posted.

Well, that makes sense (his explanation). But after what just happened to him, it seems like he won't be ready to "get close to" someone for awhile. So you have to decide...is he worth waiting an undetermined amount of time for? What about the other guy? If you're waiting for Ray (I think that's what you said his name was), you may miss out on the opportunity for someone better for you. And in the end, it may not work out and you would have spent this time waiting for nothing...

I don't know enough about you or this guy to tell you what to decide. But you really have to take these things into consideration. Like all things in life, its a gamble...you just have to try to make the best decision you can. And give yourself and everyone around you the best chances for happiness...;P

[Brandonb]

Prince Charming is out there... you just have to look a little

I disagree.

Stop looking, it won't help.

Ancient Proverb say "You shall find it only after you stop searching"

Worked for me at least...

[Guest]

Y-san, you ARE a princess XD. I'm exactly that confused! That's what you guys are supposed to be helping me with! Haha, seriously though. I'm going to wait for him. I think I'm going to anyways...right now I think he's worth it.

Edit for the explanation post, the girl on the phone was his sister.

[Guest]

Somehow I start to feel you have called him up or asked him question too frequent, especially when we post some suggestion / advise here. Don't push him so hard if you really mind about him. Give him a break.

Have you played a kite before? Do you know the tactics to play a kite. That's how you practise to make relationship better.

[Yoruichi-san]

I disagree.

Stop looking, it won't help.

Ancient Proverb say "You shall find it only after you stop searching"

Worked for me at least...

Haha...awwww...good to know you found your Prince Charming, did he ride up on a white horse and bring you a dozen red roses?

If Prince Charming showed up on my doorstep, I would hand him a copy of the lyrics to my theme song and slam the door in his face...;P

Y-san, you ARE a princess XD. I'm exactly that confused! That's what you guys are supposed to be helping me with! Haha, seriously though. I'm going to wait for him. I think I'm going to anyways...right now I think he's worth it.

Edit for the explanation post, the girl on the phone was his sister.

No, I'm just someone who thinks a lot...about everything...but, well, if that's your decision, good luck with it!

But some other things to keep in mind: are you waiting for him, or for your dream of a perfect life with him? Because, as we've discussed before, don't get your internal image confused with what's really there! If you really think this guy, with all his flaws that caused this situation in the first place, and which aren't likely going to go away, is worth the wait, then wait. But if you have some notion that he'll magically become the perfect guy once he gets over the current tragedy, don't kid yourself...

Also, are you sure the other guy isn't worth taking a risk on? Are you sure you're not missing out on something you might regret later?

Well, if you have decided to wait for him, you should tell him that. I think that when a person is going through something hard, its good to know that there is someone who'll be there for them in the end...like a light at the end of the tunnel...

[Guest]

Aww, Y-san I really like that last line. You're such a romantic1

Shockingly enough I only called him once in all of this. It's always been he called me and I brought it up in a roundabout way and when I gt my answer I changed the subject.

Yay me! I get to fall in love! Haha, he's so sweet and amazing1

And yes, that's really how he is, not just an image of the perfect guy I've conjured up in my head as all of you seem to keep hinting at.

[Guest]

Well, if you have decided to wait for him, you should tell him that. I think that when a person is going through something hard, its good to know that there is someone who'll be there for them in the end...like a light at the end of the tunnel...

Funny..

That's what I told my girlfriend, before we were going out.

She wasn't quiet sure she could be in a relationship (for reasons that my fingers are too tired to type)

So I told her that if she ever changed her mind, I'd be waiting.

Well, I guess I didn't really have to wait long. Because she changed her mind right then and there...

[Guest]

Funny..

That's what I told my girlfriend, before we were going out.

She wasn't quiet sure she could be in a relationship (for reasons that my fingers are too tired to type)

So I told her that if she ever changed her mind, I'd be waiting.

Well, I guess I didn't really have to wait long. Because she changed her mind right then and there...

Hmm....well we're having lunch tomorrow. I'm going to try and read him. If I get the same success story as you, then YAY! If he gets hope from the fact that I'll wait for him then that's good too. But if he just changes the subject this subject will be closed and I will fully move on.

[Guest]

Well, I think the "succes story" with me was sort of a freak incident.

I guess she did really, really, really, really, really, really want to be with me, and she just needed that extra push, and to know that I would remain loyal no matter what.

But if he does want to be with you, which, by the sounds of things he does, then he will definitely find hope that you'll wait for him.

And if you can move on fully, I'll be thouroughly impressed

But I still think it's like what I said before. Maybe he just needs time.

(This is all coming from a 13 year old who has been in 5 relationships, none of them serious, so don't take me TOO seriously )

Well, best of luck to you.

[Guest]

Wow... Ploper!

you sound really mature for a 13 year old - I would never have guessed with the advice you gave!

This is the wonderful thing with forums - prejudice is limited!

And Janesia: I think that you have been given wonderful advice here... but I am sure that deep down you already know how to handle this situation. There is no real advice in matters like these - we somehow know beforehand what to do. So I am more interested why somebody seeks for advice in similar situations. In my opinion it is usualy because we want to hear what we hope for, but don't expect to happen (I hope I made myself clear here...)

Anyway... good luck for the "sequel" of the story!

[Guest]

Wow... Ploper!

you sound really mature for a 13 year old - I would never have guessed with the advice you gave!

This is the wonderful thing with forums - prejudice is limited!

umm.. Thanks?

Janesia: Any news with what's-his-face?

[Guest]

Ray has been in the mountains for some family thing for the past two days and there's no phone/ intenet connection there

Me and the diner guy are only going to be friends.

Monday is going to be the deciding day. I've spent too much time thinking about this, and I refuse to bother myself with it any longer.

[Guest]

Ray has been in the mountains for some family thing for the past two days and there's no phone/ intenet connection there

Me and the diner guy are only going to be friends.

Monday is going to be the deciding day. I've spent too much time thinking about this, and I refuse to bother myself with it any longer.

... i still say get messed up

tis quite fun acutally.... ah oh well... maybe i could join you sometime

[Guest]

Oh the possibilities...

[Guest]

Have you played a kite before? Do you know the tactics to play a kite. That's how you practise to make relationship better.

I guess you are right. No one would like someone who pushes too hard !!! It will just drive them away

[Guest]

... i still say get messed up

tis quite fun acutally.... ah oh well... maybe i could join you sometime

Blade, you would....

janesia - coming from someone who has survived a suicide attempt, seen someone die and have has a few friends pass on after committing suicide, all you can really do is just be there for him. There is no way to snap him back to normal until he is ready to take your hand and be pulled back out of the funk. Sometimes it can take a couple months or a couple years. One can never really tell. But I can almost guarantee you one thing. When he's ready and yours is the hand he takes, he will most likely take the best care of you than most average guys would.

[Guest]

He's back to normal and i'm pissed off. There's tons of guys that as me out, but none of them are people I could really see my self with. He messed up. He really messed up. Ray and I are done. OVer. THe end. Finished. Fin. Nuff said.

But I don't blame him......

Anyways! There's this cute guy Maxx who i'm going out with this weekend. Yay me!