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THINGS YOU DONT WANNA HEAR IN AN AIR PLANE

Captain thru intercom:

- Ten bucks says I CAN land on top of that mountain.

- "Zzzzzzzzzz..."

-"I wish all these planes had those mid air refuelling things"

-The manual, the manual, where the F**K is the manual?"

-“Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.”

-"Isn't it amazing what little training you need these days to fly one of these things"

- “Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.”

-"There's more buttons here than it shows in this manual..."

-"Dear passengers welcome to Kazakhstan International Airport ALA, the current temperature is...

-This fuel gauge can't be right...

-"Hold my beer and watch this!"

-“This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices…”

-“Ummmmmm … Sorry everybody …” (silence)

- “It would be a good idea right now if everyone would close their shades and watch the in-flight movie.”

- Damm! that 747 almost hit us!

-Would any passengers who have experience in Flight Simulator, make yourselves known to the cabin staff!"

-"All of you can swim, right?"

-"Are there sharks in the Pacific?"

-"Why's it so cold all of the sudden?"

-Stewardess would you please bring four parachutes to the front cabin.”

-Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!

Passengers:

-"Mommy, why can i see the ground already"

-"Hey, what's that mountain goat doing up here in the clouds??"

-"Mommy, why is the engine spitting fire"

-"Werent there two engines on the wing, when we left?"

-"Why's the ground getting nearer?"

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(co pilot to captain) - I told you it was the blue wire!

(captain) - Come back ponies, Mr. Penguin and I are havin' a tea party.

(captain) - Why is this clicking when it's meant to be beeping?!

(captain) - Remember, when you see the bright light in the distance, go through it.

(captain) - *muffled murmurs* ...Amen.

And also...

Edited by kristmark1
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Captain: "What are you talking about? You don't need a license to fly... Oooohhhh. Legally. I don't care. Hey! Get your hands off me!"

"This is your captain speaking. Please remain calm and... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!! That is all."

"This is your co-captain speaking. Apparently, the tuna was contaminated and the captain is unable to fly... Wait. I had the tuna. Ummmm... Anyone on the plane know how to fly?"

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