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Gambit
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They lived happily until they got married.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!!

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?" "Yes if you're lucky."

"Has there been any insanity in your family?" "Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" "I couldn't lift the table."

"My wife doesn't know what she wants." "You're lucky. My wife does."

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?" "What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.

An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.

Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Every man/woman should marry - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

When two's company, three's the result!

My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents; Accidents in backseats cause children!

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best? She answers: My husband's cheque book.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter what u call him, he ain't gonna come.

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

Mercedes Benz: A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

My girlfriend always laughs during s*x - no matter what she's reading.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Edited by Gambit
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Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children. That sounds like somethin' I'd do!! I own a bow + arrow, but it has su*** aim, not me-me have good aim :P

An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.

Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents; Accidents in backseats cause children!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Mercedes Benz: A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women. Didn't know *that* could happen..."definition" please? ;)

Haha...these r perverted...just gotta love em!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Oh so very true...A guy doesn't even have to be married to know this one

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

- I thought I was marrying Ms. Right. I didn't know her first name was always.

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Mercedes Benz: A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women. Didn't know *that* could happen..."definition" please?

No offense, sweetie, but if you don't understand then you're probably too young to be told the answer. ;)

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No offense, sweetie, but if you don't understand then you're probably too young to be told the answer. ;)

oh...don't worry. I'm old enough to be told. :lol: :lol: Know, how old do you have to be? :lol: :lol:

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4wheelchick, which part don't you understand?

I'm going to have to agree with PG, if you don't already know, you may be a bit young. But your profile doesn't say how old you are. :P

It used to say, she's a baby :P

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its ok, compared to some on here , i'm a baby too :P

:D yup. Don't worry-my friends say things worse than that(the mercedes benz thing). some things I get, others I don't. I have a selective memory ;)

Edited by 4wheelchick
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