Crazy People

[BMAD]

In an insane asylum, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them an intelligence test. He turns to the first man and asks, "What is three times three?"

"274," he replies.

The Doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The Doctor turns to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man proudly.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you arrive at that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

[BMAD]

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird became even madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm. Perfectly calm, the parrot said, "I am very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior, and I am sure it will never happen again."

Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

[BMAD]

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

[BMAD]

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.

[BMAD]

A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

[BMAD]

A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician.
"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed:
"I told you, I knew the secret!"
"What is your secret?" the mathematician asked.
"It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."
"But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested.
"I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!"

[BMAD]

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

[BMAD]

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person.
- They have multiplied, said the biologist.
- Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed.
- If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.

[marksmanjay]

COMBINATION: 6120

[BMAD]

$1 = 100 cents
= (10 cents)²
= ($0.1)²
= $0.01
= 1c

[BMAD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=52CzD31SqaM

[BMAD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vLNOpoQztFo

[BMAD]

Theorem: All numbers are boring.
Proof (by contradiction):
Suppose x is the first non-boring number. Who cares?

[BMAD]

eq ( 1 ) Study = not failed

eq. ( 2 ) not study = failed

add eq ( 1 ) & ( 2 )

study + not study = fail + not fail

study ( 1 + not ) = fail ( 1 + not )

study = fail

Then why should we study??

[BMAD]

Proof : 1 Clever Person = 1 mad person

assume 1 clever person

= 1/2 clever person + 1/2 clever persons

( if one person is 1/2 clever that means he is 1/2 mad )

= 1/2 mad + 1/2 mad

= 1 mad.

hence proved.

[BMAD]

1. The next sentence is true but you must not believe it
2. The previous sentence was false

[dark_magician_92]

$1 = 100 cents

= (10 cents)²

= ($0.1)²

= $0.01

= 1c

Lmao....

clever indeed!

[marksmanjay]

Proof that 1 = 2:

Let x = 1

x+1 = 2

x(+1) = 2

1x = 2

x = 2

Therefore 1 = 2

[BMAD]

.

[TheCube]

Here's something that happened to me in real life:

My sister is play basketball, and she finally scores and tells my father.

"So, you scored one of those 'touchdowns', did you?" my dad says sarcastically.

My sister replies, "NO! I wasn't playing baseball!"

If you don't like it and want math, then here is something.

.999...... = x Multiply by ten

9.999...... = 10x Subtract by x.

9 = 9x And divide by nine.

1 = x = which also equals 0.999.....

[BMAD]

[Kikacat123]

These are hilarious, especially the last one.

[BMAD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCq3NFEB2bc

[BMAD]

Edited April 21, 2013 by BMAD

[BMAD]