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Outside at night, the gang member lowers his helmet visor and eyes the prize within the house; he can see it. If he can get it, his fortune is assured, his fellow gang-members will respect him, and he can get the custom Harly Davidson he wants so badly. So carefully and quietly he creeps closer, ever cautious that his movements go undetected by the guard protecting it, yet in reality his surreptitious movements are being closely monitored and recorded by camaras. If he knows, he doesn’t care. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, a delivery boy brings a hot order for the hungry guard. Seeing this turn of events, one of the tenants in the house quickly intercepts the order by brandishing a stick, leaving nothing for the guard. He hurls the stick toward the guard and then distracts both he and the delivery boy by running from his home, screaming and arms waving everywhere. Without question, he and the thief are in cahoots, both members of the same gang. The thief takes the opportunity presented by his friend by rushing for the prize. He attacks the distracted guard in the house and knocks him on his back. He lays his hands on the prize. Eureeka! But wait! He cannot lift it; it doesn't move! The angry guard is scrambling to get up, though with difficulty because of his body armor. Not wishing to tangle with the assaulted guard, and satisfied in this accomplishment alone, the thief dashes away toward the nearest ditch, his escape ensured.

What was the prize?

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I regret the biker part. Only meant to distract. Here's a re-write that is much better:

Outside at night, the thief lowers his helmet visor and eyes the prize within the house; he can see it. If he can reach it, his fellow gang members will embrace him. Carefully and quietly he creeps closer, ever cautious that his approach goes undetected by the guard protecting it. His surreptitious movements are being closely monitored and recorded by cameras. He knows but doesn’t care. Then suddenly, a delivery boy brings a hot order for the hungry guard. Seeing this, one of the tenants nearby quickly brandishes a stick and knocks the order to the ground before the Guard takes it. Without question, he and the thief are in cahoots. The second gang member then chucks the stick toward the guard and runs madly from his home; screaming and arms waving everywhere. The thief takes this opportunity by rushing for the prize. The guard, having picked up his order, sees the thief and runs to intercept him. The thief attacks the guard now standing in the way and knocks him on his back, as the guard’s order spills worthlessly on the ground. The thief then lays his eager hands on the prize. But wait! It doesn’t move! He cannot lift it from its place! The angry guard scrambles to get up, hampered by his body armor. But satisfied in this accomplishment alone, and not wanting to face the wrath of the guard, the thief dashes away toward the nearest ditch, his escape ensured.

What was the prize?

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I believe that the prize is laying under the guard making it very hard to grab the prize. The prize is not specified as being the Harley Davidson because the prize is "within the house." It is hard to believe the customized bike is just laying inside the house with a guard protecting it from the inside. From there I am completely lost.

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I believe that the prize is laying under the guard making it very hard to grab the prize. The prize is not specified as being the Harley Davidson because the prize is "within the house." It is hard to believe the customized bike is just laying inside the house with a guard protecting it from the inside. From there I am completely lost.

Read the re-write. Ignore the biker stuff.

this one is a combination of metaphors, synonyms, allusions, and actual terms.

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Outside at night, the thief (RUNNER) lowers his helmet visor and eyes the prize within the house (STADIUM); he can see it. If he can reach it, his fellow gang (TEAM) members will embrace him. Carefully and quietly he creeps closer (LEADS OFF), ever cautious that his approach goes undetected by the guard (CATCHER) protecting it. His surreptitious movements are being closely monitored and recorded by (MEDIA) cameras. He knows but doesn't care (MUST BE PRO). Then suddenly, a delivery boy (PITCHER) brings a hot order (PITCH - HOT MAY MEAN FAST BALL) for the hungry guard. Seeing this, one of the tenants (TEAMMATES) nearby quickly brandishes (SWINGS) a stick (BAT) and knocks (BUNTS) the order to the ground before the Guard takes it. Without question, he and the thief are in cahoots. The second gang member then chucks the stick (BAT) toward the guard (CATCHER) and runs madly from his home (PLATE); screaming and arms waving everywhere (REALLY?). The thief takes this opportunity by rushing for the prize (RUNS TOWARD HOME PLATE). The guard (CATCHER), having picked up his order (BASEBALL), sees the thief and runs to intercept him. The thief (RUNNER) attacks the guard now standing in the way (GUARDING THE PLATE) and knocks him on his back, as the guard's order (BASEBALL) spills worthlessly on the ground. The thief then lays his eager hands on the prize. But wait! It doesn't move! He cannot lift it from its place! The angry guard scrambles to get up, hampered by his body armor (CATCHER PADDING). But satisfied in this accomplishment alone, and not wanting to face the wrath of the guard, the thief dashes away toward the nearest ditch (DUGOUT), his escape ensured.

I THOUGHT THE PRIZE WAS A RUN, BUT BECAUSE THE THIEF PUTS HIS HANDS ON THE PRIZE, IT IS HOME PLATE.

Edited by importmonkey
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Another nice one Shakee. I liked the first draft better, but I'm fond of red herrings.

the first time I read this one, it immediately brought to mind images from the movie "The Sandlot". I guess I was in the wrong ballpark. (pardon the pun)

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