Blonde jokes?

[Guest]

do you know any?

and please dont get offended, my wife is blonde and she knows they're just jokes.

lighten up people.

what do you call a smart blonde?

a golden retriever

how do you drown a blonde?

tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool

how do you get a one-armed blonde that's hanging on to a tree limb?

you wave

how do you get a two-armed blonde that's hanging on to a tree limb?

you wave with both hands

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

Why can't Blondes dial 911?

They can't find the eleven on the phone!

What is eternity?

When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!

What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?

Donut seeds.

If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.

How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday?

Tell it to her on Tuesday.

What is a brunette between two blondes?

An interpreter.

Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?

To remind her that "toes go in first."

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell - she's got a grenade in her mouth!

What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence

A man was trimming his bushes. His blonde neighbor walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside.

Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.

The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"

The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"

[Guest]

Just found this one, it was too funny to pass up. . .

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?

It's the proper place to wash vegetables

so rude.....sooo funny!

[Guest]

There are three blondes trapped on an island. While scavenging for food they stumble upon a lamp in some brush. When the genie pops out he is annoyed to find he was released by a bunch of blondes. He decides to grant them each only one wish instead of the usual three. The first blonde says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island." And the genie says, "Ok," and POOF! She turns into a red-head, jumps into the water, learns to swim, and swims off to the mainland.

The second blonde is jealous of the now red-head and so she says, "I wish to be smarter than even her so I can get off this island." And the genie says, "Ok," and POOF! She turns into a brunette, cuts down the only tree on the island, fashions a boat, and sails off. Now the third blonde is really jealous of her friends and wants to out-do them both so she says, "That's it. I want to be smarter than both of those ladyes so I can get off this island too!" And the genie says, "Ok," and POOF! She turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

[Guest]

What do you call a 2 year old next to a blond?

A genius

[Guest]

3 women are on a desert island. One is a red head, one is a brunette, and the third is a blonde. One day they try swimming to the shore, 2000 metres away. The brunette gets 500 metres before drowning. The red head gets 1500 metres before drowning. The blonde gets 1999 metres, thinks 'I am really tired,' and swims back to the island!

[Guest]

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

If you're not sure what a 710 is, open the spoiler.

...and another:

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing." "There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

Edited January 28, 2010 by phil

[Guest]

Two blondes were driving to Disney Land. They saw a sign that said Disney Land Left, so they went home.

[Guest]

the angels tell the same joke at every step

a blond, brunett, and a redhead are walking up the stairs to heaven. there are 100 angels and 100 steps that tell a joke at every step. if you laugh at the joke you go to hell. the brunett gets out at the 22nd step. the redhead gets out at the 44th step. the blond gets out at the 100th step and the angle asks "why did you laugh?" and the blond said, "I finally got the first joke!"

[akaslickster]

Laughter is a good thing..

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'

She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

[peace*out]

Sure does media take a celebrity up n brings them down pretty soon. On the other hand your jokes r really hilarious.

Thanks for clarifying doubts.

yep~ im a blond, and im in "the smart class" (gifted and talented - though that may just be because im so gullible! my hidden talent)

[peace*out]

A *SMART* blond joke...yep, u heard me!!

a blond was sitting next to a lawyer on a plane. time goes by and he gets bored. he tries to chat her up, but she ignores him. He tries again. Finally, he goes in with bait: cash

lets play a game, he says. nope, she replies. let me tell u how it work first! he cries, amazed she wont give him a chance. Fine, she says, and listens.

"the game is played like this: i ask you a question, if u get it wrong, u give me $5. Then u ask me. if i get the question, i get $5. you can use any form of communication u like. how ab-"

"nope."

"then $50. i give u 50 if i get it wrong, you give me $5 if u get it wrong. how about that?"

"nope."

Fianlly, he breaks down. "I'll give you *$500* dollars, you give me 5? kapish?"

she smiles. "kapish." he goes first.

what's the capital of oklahoma? he asks. i dont know she says, and gives him 5$. "My turn!!

"What is silver, has purple and green spots, and eats rotton cheese for lunch. oh, and also like the beatles. no other music is good for it."

he thinks. he asks his friends. contacts everyone in EVERYWAY he can! but no luck.

he sighs, and writes the check. "by the way, what is it?" he asks

she hands him $5.

:D :D

[Guest]

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing." "There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the one that says meow and I'll take the one that says quack!"

I heard it that way the first time. Great joke.

[Guest]

A blonde once decided to get a job. She actually had a smart streak for once in her life and decided to go looking in a ritzy neighborhood. So she knocks on the door of this one house and a man answers the door.

"Do you have any odd jobs I could do for you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," the man said. "I need you to paint my porch. I'll give you $50 if you do it."

Just for the record, this man's porch was one of those fancy wrap-around porches that goes all the way around the house. Anyway, she knocks on his door again about 30 minutes later and says she's done. The man is surprised.

"You finished already?"

"Yup," the blonde says. "I even had enough paint to give it two coats."

"Wow," the man says as he hands her $50. "That was some quick work. You saved me a lot of time."

As the blonde was leaving, she says, "Oh, by the way, it's a Lexus, not a Porsche."

[Guest]

Ok, I don't know if this is true or if it's a joke... I just found it funny...

During a recent security audit, a company discovered that a

blonde employee was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When the company asked the blonde why she had such a long password, she said the login screen required the password to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Got it from this link.

[Guest]

Three girls were trapped on an island in the middle of the ocean. One was a red head, one was a brunette, and the last was a blonde. The red head swam the whole ocean, the brunette swam 3/4 and the blonde swam half, but she got tired and swam back.

[Guest]

how do you kill a blonde

put a scratch and sniff picture on the bottom of a pool.

how do you keep a blode busy

tell her to pee in a corner of the oval office

how do you keep a blonde busy tell her to drown a fish