Guest Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? What is the speed of darkness? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' Who was the first person to look at a swarm of bees and think 'I'll follow them home and then eat whatever's there?' Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs ! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on....... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 peace*out Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? probobly because the human has bad breath..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 andromeda Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 (edited) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' They probably didn't say anything, that someone let's say about 10.000 years ago made an estimate by extending a known information, in one word, he made an extrapolation (I'm not sure how to use this word in English), anyway... he might have seen a calf drinking milk from his mama cow and concluded that it's just like a baby drinking milk from his human mama and decided to squeeze those pink dangly things already supposing (but not actually knowing) that fresh, healthy, nutritious milk will come out! EDIT: Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' I've actually watched an episode of some educational series, a reenactment (for obvious reasons) of "The Missing Link" braking an egg thinking that it was rock... and that's how we began eating eggs! Edited October 28, 2008 by andromeda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Hahaha. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? I think you would convert 0 degrees fahrenheit to kelvin and then take half that number. I'm guessing "twice as cold" means "half as much heat".. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 i was all sad just before... now im all happy and cant stop smiling! thanks for brightening my day UKJon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Some of these jokes have even been used as riddles. The twice as cold one, I have seen on here with very...complicated answers. My favorite is the one about quizzes and tests. xD Very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 3, 2008 Report Share Posted November 3, 2008 Why do we use spoiler tags when everyone always looks in them anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 5, 2008 Report Share Posted November 5, 2008 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? A flat battery? Never seen one of those in a remote before Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? welcome to the working of the government my friend Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? The same reason porn stars use protection, either way you're screwed Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? for the same reason a 2 year old will toych the oven even after you've warned that it's hot Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? lmao Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? It only seems a such. Also married men live shorter lives than singles ones to. this is due to the fact that nagging is directly related to lifespan in that more nagging = shorter lifespan Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs ! Young and old my friends If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? I think this answers itself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? Your right! it should be spelt lithp! If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? Babies!! Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Nope, but it helps pass the time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Nope, but it helps pass the time! A friend of mine was asked whether it was a good idea to start running if you were within the perimeter once the warning bell had sounded at a nuclear plant. Yes, it gives you something to do to pass the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Question
Guest
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Who was the first person to look at a swarm of bees and think 'I'll follow them home and then eat whatever's there?'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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