[Guest]

I am a big fan of Bill Engvall’s “Here's Your Sign” This is some of my favorites. Please add any you can think of…

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind, didn't see your sign."

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It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" I say, "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week so see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

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A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" I says, "Nope, talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

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I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

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Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

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We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house and he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

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I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge? The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning. Ok...no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign... until he asked "So...is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "no I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."

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I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No, I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today?

[Guest]

All your topics seem to be jokes. Not that that's a problem. Try posting some good riddles too!

[Guest]

All your topics seem to be jokes. Not that that's a problem. Try posting some good riddles too!

give the poor lad/lass a break!

they joined a day ago!

[Guest]

hehe!!! I have that on my MP3!! I am sooooo familiar wit them!!! :lol: Do you know any Larry The Cable Guy ones? I sure do...Git-R-Done!!!

[Guest]

I'm fairly sure that those people who asked a really obvious questions weren't really oblivious to the facts... rather, I think they're just trying to make conversation, or assess the situation.

That's what I think, anyway

[itachi-san]

I'm fairly sure that those people who asked a really obvious questions weren't really oblivious to the facts... rather, I think they're just trying to make conversation, or assess the situation.

That's what I think, anyway

Here's your sign.

-I'm totally just kidding

[unreality]

*gives self a sign*

[Guest]

You know I love stuff like this. The other day I was buying rawhide chews for ym Saint Bernard and the cashier asked "that for your dog?" and I said "no, its for my kids, they love them and it keeps them busy for hours!"... the cashier looked mortified adn somehow I managed to keep a straight face although my husband was mortified. AND to make it even better when we got out of the store my husband looks at me and says "But honey we don't have any kids"... to which I reply "thank you for noticing things Mr noticy McNoticon of the look brigade"

[Guest]

Here's your sign.

-I'm totally just kidding

[Guest]

I'm a site superintendent for a company that builds homes. At least once a week somebody comes around and asks. "Are you guys buildin that house?" hehe.... No maam, It's building itself, I just hired all these house builders to watch and make sure it did a good job.

[unreality]

hehe

You know I love stuff like this. The other day I was buying rawhide chews for ym Saint Bernard and the cashier asked "that for your dog?" and I said "no, its for my kids, they love them and it keeps them busy for hours!"... the cashier looked mortified adn somehow I managed to keep a straight face although my husband was mortified. AND to make it even better when we got out of the store my husband looks at me and says "But honey we don't have any kids"... to which I reply "thank you for noticing things Mr noticy McNoticon of the look brigade"

haha lol *tries to think of a sarcastic remark to match your sarcastic remarks, but cannot*

[Guest]

hehe

haha lol *tries to think of a sarcastic remark to match your sarcastic remarks, but cannot*

looks liek unreality has been pwned... jk... wow I am full of the cheekiness today

[Guest]

Here's one I thought of while bored in math class:

A High School teacher decides to teach her students a bit of Trigonometry one day.

"Kids, we are going to learn a little bit of the type of math called trigonometry."

<*puts semitransparent trigonometric calculator on overhead*>

"Mam, is that a trigonometric calculator?"

"No, it's a personalized GPS. This one button in the middle, cos, will point you to the nearest coastline. This one on the right, tan, will show you to the nearest tanning salon. And finally, this one on the left, here's your sin.(sign)"

If you dont get it, the 3 main functions in trigonometry are sine(sin), cosine(cos), and tangent(tan).

[Guest]

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Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

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You missed the part: Without missing a beat he said, "Well, the heat'll do that..."

*Tries to think of some remarks...but can't get any.*

[unreality]

Here's one I thought of while bored in math class:

A High School teacher decides to teach her students a bit of Trigonometry one day.

"Kids, we are going to learn a little bit of the type of math called trigonometry."

<*puts semitransparent trigonometric calculator on overhead*>

"Mam, is that a trigonometric calculator?"

"No, it's a personalized GPS. This one button in the middle, cos, will point you to the nearest coastline. This one on the right, tan, will show you to the nearest tanning salon. And finally, this one on the left, here's your sin.(sign)"

If you dont get it, the 3 main functions in trigonometry are sine(sin), cosine(cos), and tangent(tan).

here's your SINE! hahahahaha! lol good one