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I heard this from my sister, who is blonde, "Ten women are hanging on to a rope, hooked to a cliff, for dear life. Nine are blonde. It won't hold all of them for much longer. The brunette hanging from the rope says, "I will let go and sacrifice myself for all of you." The blondes clap.

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Hey, I was blonde until about 2 years ago, and I still like Blonde Jokes! Anyway, here's a couple:

A blonde walks into her den and turns on her computer. She looks at her screen, shrugs, and then goes out to her mailbox outside. She goes back inside, goes back to her computer, sits down, looks at her screen again, shrugs, and goes to her mailbox outside. This continues for quite some time. A brunette neighbor finally decides to step in after a long 30 minutes of this behaviour. "What on earth are you doing, woman?! You're making me dizzy, what with you going back and forth! Why are you doing this?!"

"Well," The blonde replies, "My computer says that I have mail!"

Two blondes and a brunette are on an island. One of the blondes stumbles onto a rare magic lamp, which she takes back to the brunette. The brunette rubs it, and a genie pops out, and grants them each one wish.

The First blonde says "I wish for a great big boat!" And a boat appears, which the blonde uses to sail to land.

The second blonde says "I wish for a huge hot air balloon!" And a hot air balloon appears, which the blonde uses to go to shore.

The brunette thinks for a moment, then she replies: "I wish for a million dollars!" The genie, confused, asks, " A million dollars? Why on earth would you wish for that, and not to escape this island?" The brunette laughs and says, "Why would I need to escape to shore in a boat or a balloon? I can just take that bridge over there!" By the way, the genie had blonde hair, as well.

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A brunette walks into a bar. At the table in the middle of the room she sees three blondes toasting and celebrating saying ’30 days, 30 days, 30 days’. Wondering what in the world they could possibly be celebrating, the brunette goes over to their table and asks them.

They point to a puzzle of Elmo on the table and say ‘the box said 3-4 years and we did it in 30 days!’

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A brunette walks into a bar. At the table in the middle of the room she sees three blondes toasting and celebrating saying ’30 days, 30 days, 30 days’. Wondering what in the world they could possibly be celebrating, the brunette goes over to their table and asks them.

They point to a puzzle of Elmo on the table and say ‘the box said 3-4 years and we did it in 30 days!’

:lol::lol::lol::lol: Ouch...I'm laughing so hard it hurts.

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Q: A blonde woman had a bruise on her bellybutton...why?

A: Because blonde guys aren't that smart either.

Q: One morning a blonde was pouring herself a big glass of orange juice and just staring at it. Why?

A: Because it said 'concentrate.'

Gotsta bounce, yo. B))

Edited by 4wheelchick
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A brunette walks into a bar. At the table in the middle of the room she sees three blondes toasting and celebrating saying ’30 days, 30 days, 30 days’. Wondering what in the world they could possibly be celebrating, the brunette goes over to their table and asks them.

They point to a puzzle of Elmo on the table and say ‘the box said 3-4 years and we did it in 30 days!’

lol so funny

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Another joke:

OK, so a blond walks into a store to buy a TV. After a short while she picks one out and brings it to the counter for checkout. As soon as the clerk sees her, he says "sorry, we don't serve blonds" and kicks her out of the store. Feeling annoyed, she goes home and dyes her hair brown then goes back to the store. She brings the TV up to the counter again and asks to buy it. The clerk (again) says "sorry, we don't serve blonds". The blond, now pissed off yells at him "Hey, just because I'm a blond doesn't mean I'm dumb, now sell me this TV!!!". To which the clerk responds: "Sorry, but as I said we don't serve blonds. Now please put that microwave back where you found it." :lol:

Edited by pw0nzd
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A blonde and a brunette lived across the street from each other. The blonde and her husband had been trying to have children for many years and were unsuccesful. One day the brunette went out to get her newspaper and the blonde came out of her house all happy. "What's going on?" the brunette asked. "I just found out I'm p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t!" the blonde cries. "Really? That's great! I'm so happy!" the brunette hugs her. "And guess what. They're twins." the blonde says. "How do you know that?" the brunette asks. "Well, I just took two tests and they're both positive!"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were on a plane that exploded. They fell out of the plane without parachutes. The redhead and the brunette fell to the earth and were killed, but the blonde didn't. She had to go back to ask for directions.

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JOKE:

a brunette went to the doctor complaining that everything hurts, "when i touch my forehead, it hurts, when i touch my nose, it hurts, when i touch my leg, it hurts."

then the doctor says, "did you used to be blonde?"

she says yes.

"then your finger's broken."

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why thank you! >.< Anyone have any more blonde jokes? :)

A truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires.

He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.

The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish -- not three -- just one."

The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."

The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"

The driver replied, "How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?"

The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"

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LOL these are SOO funny and lets just say NO one has anything agianst blondes so it saves room btw I am thinking of joke but cant read all of the ones already posted becase they use wierd letters lol

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There was a blond ethat lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.

She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.

In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"

The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"

The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"

Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"

The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!" :lol:

(I just want to add that there is nothing wrong with being blonde.) :D

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There was a blond ethat lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.

She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.

In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"

The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"

The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"

Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"

The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!" :lol:

(I just want to add that there is nothing wrong with being blonde.) :D

:huh: maybe her not saying the street made it blonde... :huh:

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I don't know if this has been posted yet, but:

An blind-drunk man walks into a bar, stumbling. He sits down on the stool nearest him, in front of the bartender, who was quietly cleaning some empty cups.

He laughs shamelessly as he says to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bartender stiffly replies: "No. I'm blond, can't you see? I'm 202 pounds, and I don't think you want to get it from me."

The goof laughs and nudges the guy beside him, who is quietly drinking.

"Hey, do YOU wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bartender begins to get angry and says "No, he's blond too! He's 222 pounds, and I don't think you can do anything about that."

The guy finally turns behind him, and is about to leave, when he senses a guy walks up to the counter.

The blind man clasps his hand on the guys shoulder, and asks "Hey, mister, do you want to hear a blond joke?"

The bartender throws the cup in his hand on the ground, smashing it. He yells "NO. HE'S BLOND TOO, AND HE'S 242 POUNDS. DO YOU STILL WANT TO TELL YOUR DUMB BLOND JOKE????"

The guy frowns. "Of course not! I don't want to explain my joke three times!"

Again, no offence to blond guys or girls :P Just quite funny is all.

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Ok heres some...

How do you confuse a blonde? put her in a round room and tell her to pee in a corner...how does she confuse you? she tells you which corner she peed in!

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are lined up by a firing squad to be excecuted. Each of the three women have magical powers. The brunette screams, "Tornado!!". A large tornado goes by and the brunnette disapears. The red head then screams, "Lightning!!". A flash of lighting blinds them all and the red head dissapears. Seeing the other two ladies use there magic power the blonde decides to use hers and yells, "FIRE!!!!".

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One day, a blonde is in her drive way blowing as hard as she can into the tail pipe of her car, when her blonde sister comes out side of her house to see what she is doin. Upon seing her sister , she says to her, "What in the world are you doin?".

She replies, "The mechanic told me to blow into the tail pipe to get rid of the dents in the car."

"You idiot!", she replies back with disgust, "Your supposed to roll up the windows first!"

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are lined up by a firing squad to be excecuted. Each of the three women have magical powers. The brunette screams, "Tornado!!". A large tornado goes by and the brunnette disapears. The red head then screams, "Lightning!!". A flash of lighting blinds them all and the red head dissapears. Seeing the other two ladies use there magic power the blonde decides to use hers and yells, "FIRE!!!!".

:huh: ...oh wait!!! I get it!!! :lol: :lol:

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A perfect man gets married to this perfect blonde. She is attractive, good job and smart. She plays chess and knows all the politcal leaders in the world. She can speak English, French, Spainish, German, Italian and Russian.

They fly out to New Zealand on their perfect honeymoon, but when they arrive back home they unfortunately have a car crash, and one of them die.

Which one dies?

Well there is a slim chance of finding a perfect man, but no chance of finding a blonde with that criteria

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A perfect man gets married to this perfect blonde. She is attractive, good job and smart. She plays chess and knows all the politcal leaders in the world. She can speak English, French, Spainish, German, Italian and Russian.

They fly out to New Zealand on their perfect honeymoon, but when they arrive back home they unfortunately have a car crash, and one of them die.

Which one dies?

Well there is a slim chance of finding a perfect man, but no chance of finding a blonde with that criteria

:lol: :lol: so? which one dies...

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why thank you! >.< Anyone have any more blonde jokes? :)

there once was a brunnet who hated blondes and she was walkin throught the country and she came acrossed a magic lamp and she rubbed it and a genie popped out and said i will give you 3 wishes but whatever you wish for all the blondes in the world get twice what you wish for the brunnet said ok her first wish was to have a two million bucks the genie said wish granted and now every blonde in the world has 4 million dollers the second she wished for was a hansome man poof wish granted said the genie and now every blonde has 2 hansome men and the brunnet said now for my third wish genie you see that stick over there beat me half to death with it :D:D

Edited by brainz
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A blonde walks straight up to a librarian and says "I have a complain. I borrowed a book last week and it was absolutely horrible. It has too many characters but no plot at all."

The librarian says, "Ah! You must be the lady who took our telephone directory."

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A few more..Enjoy them :)

________________________________________________________________________________

___________________

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black

Artificial Intelligence.

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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

________________________________________________________________________________

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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

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