[OmegaScales]

Yo yo yo wut ^ ma peeps? Just kidding, I'm not street. Anyways, I want to hear some jokes about relationships. I'll start it off.

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A woman called in that her husband was missing, and a couple cops came to talk to her about him. "Can you give us a description of him?"

"He's six foot four, caucasian, has magnificent blond hair, a chiseled six-pack, and a smile that enchants everyone."

Following up on her description, they ask a neighbor about him. "Don't believe her. He's five foot two, bald, has a beer belly, and is missing most of his teeth."

The cops return to the woman and ask why she lied to them.

"Just because he's gone doesn't mean I want him back."

[Guest]

HAHAHA! I heard a good one a while ago:

In the beginning of a marriage, all you need is a heart and a diamond. After a while, though, you will need the club and spade too.

[Guest]

A husband asked his wife what she wanted for their aniversary. Zhe replied i want something with a diamond in it. When their aniversary came, the husband brought his wife...[

deck of cards

]

Edited October 7, 2011 by smarts

[Guest]

Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece

(even though i am a guy, i still think this is funny)

[MissKitten]

Oh! I know one! Okay, so a man forgets his wife's birthday. That night, before going to sleep, she says, "Honey, where's my present?" He freaks out and tells her he forgot her birthday. Extremely ticked off, she says, "Tomorrow morning, I want something in the driveway that can go from 0 to 120 in 10 seconds flat!" So the husband goes out and buys her a present. The next morning, she looks into the driveway. Sitting in the driveway, with a giant red bow on it, is.....

A scale!

[OmegaScales]

Oh! I know one! Okay, so a man forgets his wife's birthday. That night, before going to sleep, she says, "Honey, where's my present?" He freaks out and tells her he forgot her birthday. Extremely ticked off, she says, "Tomorrow morning, I want something in the driveway that can go from 0 to 120 in 10 seconds flat!" So the husband goes out and buys her a present. The next morning, she looks into the driveway. Sitting in the driveway, with a giant red bow on it, is.....

A scale!

And she never saw him again

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Sarah dates Mark for a while. One day she brings him home to meet her parents. Her father takes him aside for a few minutes, and when Mark comes back over to Sarah, he says, "I'm sorry Sarah, but I cannot be with you any longer. I'll see you around." A few months later, Sarah brings John home, but the same thing happens. A couple years later, after a few more times of the same thing, Sarah confronts her father. He hesitates, but explains that all the guys she dated were his biological sons. Disturbed and distraught, she tells her mother this. "Oh, don't worry honey. You can can date any of them. He's not your biological father."

[MissKitten]

I feel like I should get that, but I don't....

[Guest]

She brings her boyfriends over, the dad tells the guys that they are his son, which leads to assumption that the daughter and boyfriend are brother and sister.

The punchline is that the dad isn't her biological father.

[MissKitten]

Ah. Thanks! Yeah, it seems glaringly obvious now.... IDK what happened.... Of course, I find it kinda strange that all the guys she dated were her "father's" sons....

[Guest]

Small town? Slutty dad.

[MissKitten]

Yes.... because dads can be.... slutty..... You know, somehow, I feel like that applies to girls only. Sexist, I know, but that's just kinda what I feel.

[Guest]

Sorry, the masculine version of the term slu* is "stud"

[MissKitten]

Okay, that makes more sense.

[peace*out]

There are others too though. thats not the only one.

[Guest]

The perfect man, the perfect woman and Santa Claus were driving down the street.

They got into an accident and only one survived. Who was it?

The perfect woman, because the other two don't exist.

Want to know why they crashed? A woman was driving.

[Guest]

lol, really funny dude ^^^^