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15 replies to this topic

#1 OmegaScales

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Posted 08 November 2010 - 01:54 AM

Yo yo yo wut ^ ma peeps? Just kidding, I'm not street. Anyways, I want to hear some jokes about relationships. I'll start it off.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman called in that her husband was missing, and a couple cops came to talk to her about him. "Can you give us a description of him?"
"He's six foot four, caucasian, has magnificent blond hair, a chiseled six-pack, and a smile that enchants everyone."
Following up on her description, they ask a neighbor about him. "Don't believe her. He's five foot two, bald, has a beer belly, and is missing most of his teeth."
The cops return to the woman and ask why she lied to them.
Spoiler for She replied,

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When the fiery moon rises and the frozen sun sets, then the war between good and evil shall come to an end. Until then I, the guardian of both heaven and hell, the keeper of destruction and bringer of peace, shall dream these lives to death and freedom.


#2 Bong

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Posted 09 July 2011 - 06:41 PM

HAHAHA! I heard a good one a while ago:

In the beginning of a marriage, all you need is a heart and a diamond. After a while, though, you will need the club and spade too.
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#3 smarts

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 09:31 PM

A husband asked his wife what she wanted for their aniversary. Zhe replied i want something with a diamond in it. When their aniversary came, the husband brought his wife...[
Spoiler for Gift
]

Edited by smarts, 07 October 2011 - 09:32 PM.

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#4 smarts

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Posted 07 October 2011 - 09:34 PM

Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece
(even though i am a guy, i still think this is funny)
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#5 MissKitten

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Posted 08 October 2011 - 01:30 AM

Oh! I know one! Okay, so a man forgets his wife's birthday. That night, before going to sleep, she says, "Honey, where's my present?" He freaks out and tells her he forgot her birthday. Extremely ticked off, she says, "Tomorrow morning, I want something in the driveway that can go from 0 to 120 in 10 seconds flat!" So the husband goes out and buys her a present. The next morning, she looks into the driveway. Sitting in the driveway, with a giant red bow on it, is.....
Spoiler for Wait for it...

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Chocolate is proof that God wanted us to be happy.

So you want a fight with intent to kill? Then come fight me! It's here in my bow, that intent to kill you love so much! ~ Uryu Ishida

... ~ Nova-kun

Society needs to learn how to adapt, or humanity is screwed. ~ MiKi, aka MissKitten, aka myself


#6 OmegaScales

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 05:48 PM

Oh! I know one! Okay, so a man forgets his wife's birthday. That night, before going to sleep, she says, "Honey, where's my present?" He freaks out and tells her he forgot her birthday. Extremely ticked off, she says, "Tomorrow morning, I want something in the driveway that can go from 0 to 120 in 10 seconds flat!" So the husband goes out and buys her a present. The next morning, she looks into the driveway. Sitting in the driveway, with a giant red bow on it, is.....

Spoiler for Wait for it...

And she never saw him again :lol:
 
Sarah dates Mark for a while. One day she brings him home to meet her parents. Her father takes him aside for a few minutes, and when Mark comes back over to Sarah, he says, "I'm sorry Sarah, but I cannot be with you any longer. I'll see you around." A few months later, Sarah brings John home, but the same thing happens. A couple years later, after a few more times of the same thing, Sarah confronts her father. He hesitates, but explains that all the guys she dated were his biological sons. Disturbed and distraught, she tells her mother this. "Oh, don't worry honey. You can can date any of them. He's not your biological father." :P
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When the fiery moon rises and the frozen sun sets, then the war between good and evil shall come to an end. Until then I, the guardian of both heaven and hell, the keeper of destruction and bringer of peace, shall dream these lives to death and freedom.


#7 MissKitten

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 08:46 PM

:blink: I feel like I should get that, but I don't....
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Chocolate is proof that God wanted us to be happy.

So you want a fight with intent to kill? Then come fight me! It's here in my bow, that intent to kill you love so much! ~ Uryu Ishida

... ~ Nova-kun

Society needs to learn how to adapt, or humanity is screwed. ~ MiKi, aka MissKitten, aka myself


#8 TheChad

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Posted 31 October 2011 - 07:22 PM

She brings her boyfriends over, the dad tells the guys that they are his son, which leads to assumption that the daughter and boyfriend are brother and sister.
The punchline is that the dad isn't her biological father.
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#9 MissKitten

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Posted 31 October 2011 - 11:20 PM

Ah. Thanks! Yeah, it seems glaringly obvious now.... IDK what happened.... Of course, I find it kinda strange that all the guys she dated were her "father's" sons.... :lol:
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Chocolate is proof that God wanted us to be happy.

So you want a fight with intent to kill? Then come fight me! It's here in my bow, that intent to kill you love so much! ~ Uryu Ishida

... ~ Nova-kun

Society needs to learn how to adapt, or humanity is screwed. ~ MiKi, aka MissKitten, aka myself


#10 TheChad

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Posted 01 November 2011 - 06:01 AM

Small town? Slutty dad.
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