[plasmid]

I'm curious about non-theist opinions on this matter, but theists are of course invited to participate and provide illumination as well. The almost universal development of religion in some form or other across many different cultures seems to indicate that there is a deep underlying drive to have some sort of religious experience which is embedded in many (if not to some degree all) humans. I doubt that it's purely due to primitive attempts to understand the universe before the development of science -- even with modern science and state endorsement of atheism, the Soviet Union still had plenty of believers. If religion as we know it were wiped from the face of the earth, it seems likely that it would simply resprout in some new form.

If this is the case (which is certainly open to argument) then would it not be in our best interest to fill this illogical but evident need with a religion that is as benign and perhaps even beneficial as possible? Most mainstream religions at least preach to love thy neighbor and straighten up and fly right and all that, whether or not it's actually put into practice. Christianity may stand to be improved regarding its opposition to stem cell research and discrimination against homosexuals to name a few issues. However, it was previously opposed to a non-geocentric solar system and abolition of slavery (in areas where it was profitable) and has since mended its ways, not without cost in the meantime, but the point is that it's adaptable.

Is it better to have such a mainstream religion fill the void of the masses who apparently can't do without it, or attempt to eliminate all but reason and leave open the chance for something much more uncontrolled and potentially malignant to take root in the open void (militant jihadists, or another Jonestown)? If something must fill the void but not any currently existing religion, would it be possible to design something better, bearing in mind that you have control only over the text of the holy doctrine but not people's interpretation and implementation of it, and that it must have enough of this intangible spiritualistic property that people crave in order to persist?

And the ultimate question: could you craft a doctrine to fill this need in such a way that its propagation would have an overall positive effect on humanity, and be so convinced in its potential that you would put forth whatever effort and resources were required to make it a reality? I have no intention of converting any nonbelievers into messiahs, I'm just curious what people think. Seeing as how we're on BrainDen, you can consider this a practical riddle.

Edited April 20, 2009 by plasmid

[Guest]

In response to this whole "paths" idea, I'm going to go out on a limb and say we should just leave education alone. Government, science and education are areas where religion has no place, and should hold no power. By letting religion control the nature of education you will inevitably hold back progress, however well-meaning your intentions and however well-thought-out your plan. Religion is always a barrier to change, and education must always be led by the need to educate, not by adherence to some arbitrary model or set of rules. I think what Unreality is proposing may be successful for a while but will fail the test of time. Religion should only seek to perform functions which cannot be performed otherwise, as it is inherently flawed.

I like Grayven's idea of having a controlled forum for inter-faith combat, but I'd prefer a format which naturally tends to favour those who are in the right. I wonder if competitive stand-up comedy might be worthwhile. Being genuinely funny is intrinsically related to having a point, with an emphasis on questioning thought and challenging assumptions. The problem is how you determine the winner. Flawed denominations may accumulate numbskulls who will laugh at anything. Nevertheless, even if it isn't possible to use the laugh-o-meter to decide a winner, the process will help intelligent people to identify problems with their own denominations if there are any, as they will feel increasingly uncomfortable laughing along with the rest.

- There is an afterlife. We don't explicitly say if it's another existence like this one, or if it's just a continuation of consciousness that happens after the body dies (denominations can squabble over that, and scientific advances may eventually rule out the second possibility). How much you enjoy the afterlife depends on how much good you do in this life. Believers in false gods will go to hell. Those who do nothing more than believe will get an afterlife of modest contentment. Those who spark a major advancement in humanity will walk on streets of gold. [importance level 1: This must be stated unambiguously many times and not contradicted.]

A slight problem has occurred to me with this. It's quite probable that in the next few decades we will come to fully understand the mechanisms of consciousness and thereby obtain definitive proof that there is no afterlife (possibly also develop mechanisms to extend human consciousness and perhaps enable a human consciousness to become resident in a computer system and therefore unaffected by our physical death). Unambiguous assertions of an afterlife will start to sound pretty hollow then. If you want to futureproof a religion you'd better cover all the bases. Maybe we need to use vague language like "what we do in this life echoes in eternity" rather than making any clear promises.

- There is some sort of God that personally cares about you and is happy to see when you're happy. Unfortunately, Godly duties prevent him from always acting to ensure your happiness. He does have a universe to run after all, and that's gotta take priority. Don't bother praying to him to ask him for stuff, that'll just piss him off. But he's cool to chit-chat with. And he still wuvs you. [importance level 5: Probably will not mention it in doctrine, just leave it open as a possibility for denominations to consider. May be stricken entirely without opposition from me.]

I was going to say "strike it!" but must admit it isn't as simple as that. I have to admit that "God loves you" is a BIG selling point, which Christianity benefits from particularly. People often suffer from a lack of love in their lives and using an imaginary friend to fill the gap works well. The genius of it is that the imagined love is of course a hollow comfort, but the believer fears the loss of love that would result from admitting this. Result: a cherished belief! One that is defended with vigour, for fear of losing the comfort it provides. The more the believer knows it is flawed, the more desperately they cling to it. It's a very effective mechanism, but of course it's harmful. It creates a false security and distorts our priorities. If we lose this feature, we lose a huge memetic advantage, but the point of this exercise is to create a useful religion, not just a successful one. Tough call, but I still think "strike it". If we have gods at all they should be indifferent to us, laying down the rules of life for all and not concerning themselves with individuals. Whether we can sell that idea to the masses is debatable.

- Karma is not transferable from one person to another. You cannot buy indulgences. [importance level 3: May be overridden by denominations if you have a relative on their deathbed and you want to do something in their name to give them a better afterlife. But definitely never works with strangers on the street offering to sell karma.]

I like the idea of being able to do good on someone else's karmic account (but only out of love). It means that you can perform an act of genuine kindness, not just selfish karma-hording kindness.

Find something that you're good at that will benefit society and do it.

Amen to that.

[unreality]

octopuppy: I agree, ixnay on the afterlife, as I've always said. No way josé. We can't sell that bullsh*t IMO... it's what could differ us from "less advanced" religions (which we will heap into Paganism and Heresy for mild hostility and major hostility, respectively), that is, if we stress the value of life as Life itself, rather than life for the purpose of an infinite stretch afterwards

Rather than having an infinite other-realm that reflects how we lived our life here, I like your idea, but we can make it less vague by fleshing out that your own life affects the entire future of this universe, forever, in significant ways. More significant on Earth than on other planets of course (speaking of that, what's our stance on aliens? I think we should have a special task force trained in converting aliens). We can still stress good living without the empty promise of afterlife

about the god point, I say we go with the pantheon idea, like this: the Flying Spaghetti Monster, with His Noodly Appendage, created the Great Pasta Council of 9 Noodly Deities: Ravioli, Mastaccioli, Pene, etc. Each Deity has certain traits and characteristics that define it with certain things

Building on that, each Deity is associated with a Path. The FSM Himself is associated with path 0, the Path to Enlightenment. We would have ten paths in total, each one identified by a single digit. Say if Fettuccini were associated with the third path, the Path for Humanity, it could've been Him (or Her, we should have 5 males and 5 females on the Great Pasta Council, stressing anti-sexism, a memetic advantage for drawing females, who make up the slight majority of the human population) that enlightened Lord Barack on the Uberquest.

On your objection to the Paths, they are NOT associated with education. As I've already asserted, we should leave education, science, politics, and military out of the scope of the Uberfaith, but rather support various institutions (such as colleges, high schools, research institutes, peace councils, etc) with funding. The Paths are not education-related at all, they are merely open, loose methods of living one's life. People pick and choose (the avg person would probably draw mostly on 2-4 paths) and braid their own combination of the Paths to suit their lifestyle. They're sort of an entwined philosophical backbone supporting the core doctrine with more general focus. We definitely gotta keep the Paths

going back to the god-loves-you part, we could say that the GPC (Great Pasta Council) does indeed love you, as they love EVERYTHING in the universe. But we should make it known that there are many other intelligences across the universe on various planets, and various higher levels of intelligence as well, whole galaxies making up minds, that the universe is a hard place to keep track of. Some of them might be scatter-brained and we'll say that it's our job to use our Inner Macaroni Daemon to draw upon the divine Saurce (a mix of Sauce and Source ;D) and reverse the entropy in the universe

I also like the "karma account" idea... there should be a Karma Bank where you can make "deposits" and "collect interest"

[plasmid]

Hmm, gladiator fights, huh? Maybe more like Jedi fights if they call for divine intervention to win. They might be fun to have, but I wouldn't want the faithful to go picking denominations based on them. Ultimately they'll have to live or die by attracting members, which is why I think it's so important that people go check out different denominations from time to time and see how they stack up. Of course, that doesn't mean that we CAN'T have Jedi fights by any means. Or comedy slam fests.

The pathways that unreality laid out seem pretty good to me. I have a little bit of reservation about the path of Nature. While undoubtedly beneficial if done wisely, I fear what would happen if the most rabid environmentalists suddenly got a divine mandate for their work. I wouldn't enjoy having someone bust into my lab to liberate all of my drosophila. On the other hand, if Uberfaith were running the show, a bit of oversight might actually help to bring such delinquency under control and focus people toward more productive endeavors. It probably is better for Uberfaith to endorse it rather than shy away just because a few people go overboard, but I'd still like a leadership of people who are not themselves overly zealous to make sure the followers don't get nutty. Perhaps guidelines for each of the paths could be decided at periodic meetings of the various denominations.

As for education, I think I'd be more liberal with allowing Uberfaith based education than either of you guys. If Uberfaith stays out of education, then education will continue to be provided by the states. I'm not sure which option I mistrust less. While affluent countries might be better off without it, poorer ones would probably love to send their kids to ubergarden, and the kiddos might get a better education there, free of state propaganda. Also, since Uberfaith is going to allow and even encourage non-believers, it seems quite possible to stipulate that the education they provide should be one that's suitable for an unbeliever as well as a follower. I'd be inclined to allow private and public schools to co-exist. But if you'd prefer to limit Uberfaith to donating to secular schools, that'd be fine too.

Next, if people do start to understand consciousness on a scientific level, and if even the afterlife has to abide by scientific rules (which we don't know about while designing Uberfaith), then we've got a couple of options. One would be to try to finesse the issue away. Throughout the doctrine, we never actually say what happens when you die. We say that such knowledge ought not to be fully divulged at this time. But, in order to help you live your life properly, we're dumbing it down for you a bit. You should live your life as if there is an afterlife where you will be rewarded in proportion to what you accomplish. We never say that there is an afterlife, and we never say there isn't. The faithful can believe what they want, but they will have no scripture to quote to back it up. There might nevertheless be some "turbulence" (to use a euphemism) when the absence of an afterlife is proven, but I can't imagine a much better approach right now.

The other option like unreality said would be to get rid of the afterlife doctrine entirely. I'm still hesitant to do that right now. Since we're about to kill off God, we might want to leave the afterlife idea intact to some degree so Uberfaith looks and smells at least a little bit like a religion. After all, the whole point is to pull converts toward Uberfaith and keep them away from the more dangerous stuff. We (people designing Uberfaith) might be perfectly content with the one life we've got now, but remember that we're designing something for the people who just have to have a religion in their lives, and Uberfaith will have built-in tolerance anyway for complete non-believers who don't need to play along with the charade.

And God is dead. I would avoid making manicotti Gods of the Paths, for I might eat them.

This brings up a sticky point, though. If there's no God, and if we're hesitant to say even exactly what the afterlife is, then how is Uberfaith a religion? What sort of divine power do we have that should make people follow us (especially if we don't get Chuck Norris)? Or are we going to try to set up something like a religion but not based on the divine right to preach? It would be a cultural breakthrough if it worked, but it would be a risky move. It's not a question we need to address right now, especially if Grayven might be able to pull some hocus-pocus with Revelations, but it's something to keep in mind.

On to some more of the topics posted here.

Since we've just killed off God, I guess we're going to have to water down the idea of a god within everyone that can be prayed to for some divine adrenaline. That's fine. We can still talk within the doctrine about ways to pick yourself up and give yourself a boost in order to accomplish stuff. Maybe a nice fable about someone who's getting a beatdown in the course of his uberduties. Let's say he's the only volunteer firefighter in a tiny town and he's putting out a fire in a house to make things exciting. He's doing his thing and suddenly notices that there's a couple of kids trapped inside. Not seeing any way to run in and save them, in desperation, he initially falls back on the old pagan traditions of praying to God. He prays three times, but after each prayer he's just wasted a bunch of time without saving the kids, and the fire has just gotten worse. Eventually someone comes by and busts his balls about it, and the hero of the story finally cuts the crap and makes a judgment call: it's too dangerous to go inside, so he does his best to extinguish a path from the outside to the kids and then goes in and saves them without any divine help.

Next: how to handle non-believers. It seems like non-belief should be treated almost like being part of Uberfaith, but fulfilling a role that must be played by someone who is not attached to any denomination. I think you could easily use some shaky logic and mixed metaphors to say stuff like: "The most difficult person for you to judge in comparison to others is yourself. This is true of people, and it is true of denominations. Therefore, it is important to have people outside of any denomination observe you, so that you might know yourself." It only makes since if you don't think about it very hard. Fortunately, that should be good enough. Non-believers get treated essentially like another denomination within Uberfaith.

Hmm, one point brought up by octopuppy that I hadn't thought very much about: using karma or a sense that God will take revenge so you don't have to. That's getting kind of watered down now that we've gotten rid of God and are skirting some on the afterlife. Maybe that calls for another fable.

The Most Holy Uberfaith Doctrine (with the latest revisions underlined)

- People should live as if there is an afterlife. We don't explicitly say what happens when you die, we just provide the afterlife as a useful conceptual tool to help guide how you should live now. How much you enjoy the "afterlife" depends on how much good you do in this life. Believers in false gods will go to hell. Those who do nothing more than believe will get an afterlife of modest contentment. Those who spark a major advancement in humanity will walk on streets of gold. [importance level 1: This must be stated unambiguously many times and not contradicted. No firm promises of an actual afterlife are to be made.]

- There is some sort of God that personally cares about you and is happy to see when you're happy. Unfortunately, Godly duties prevent him from always acting to ensure your happiness. He does have a universe to run after all, and that's gotta take priority. Don't bother praying to him to ask him for stuff, that'll just piss him off. But he's cool to chit-chat with. And he still wuvs you. [importance level 5: Probably will not mention it in doctrine, just leave it open as a possibility for denominations to consider. May be stricken entirely without opposition from me.]

- Karma is not transferable from one person to another. You cannot buy indulgences. [importance level 3: May be overridden by denominations if you have a relative on their deathbed and you want to do something in their name to give them a better afterlife. We can intentionally leave a loophole that denominations can exploit for this particular purpose. But definitely never works with strangers on the street offering to sell karma.]

- Help others, be generous, be reliable. Do not harm others, steal, or lie. Find something that you're good at that will benefit society and do it. Be a good student as a kid. Fulfill your potential as an adult. [importance level 2: Say it a few times and give a nice illustrative story. Do not contradict. Not much wiggle room for denominations to interpret. They can argue over the relative benefit brought by different professions if they wish.]

- Follow the paths as your interests and abilities are geared: Enlightenment, Knowledge, Randomness, Humanity, Uberkarma, Nature, Essencius, and Mind. Heeding the advice of the wise for guidance on how to carry this out. [importance level 2: Just because I don't completely trust the Nature guys yet.]

- Set out from time to time (say every 5 years or so) and check out other denominations. [importance level 1: Denominations may not override this, for obvious reasons. It therefore must be stated unambiguously and repeatedly. Do not contradict. Allow holy war against any denominations that fail to comply.]

- Convert or smite all heretics who worship anything but Uberfaith. As for people who don't believe any religion at all, and who don't try to convert others towards heretical faiths, they should be tolerated and may be part of the ubercommunity and invited to attend the uberkeggers. Science is not an abhorrent heretical faith. Conversion may be attempted on unbelievers, but no more than once a year. [importance level 1.]

- Denominations must be wiped from the earth if they prove naughty with the following acts: Failure to allow followers to experience other denominations. Failure to eradicate heresy within itself. Persecuting nonbelievers. Outright bribery of its leadership. [importance level 2: War is a big step. You can try diplomacy and sanctions for a little while. But don't become an empty-sacked UN.]

- Include a nice fable about the evils of praying to God which leads to complacency, and the importance of doing stuff on your own. [importance level 3: If any anal-retentive denominations don't want to accept fables without historical proof then they can go ahead and deny it. We can present it as hearsay in the doctrine to accommodate them. But they're missing out.]

- Non-believers are to be treated as if they were another denomination within Uberfaith. In fact, anyone in the Uberfaith hierarchy who coordinates the efforts of the various denominations (virtually any high office) cannot belong to any denomination and must be a non-believer. (I realize that those two statements are self-contradictory, but you know what I mean, and this IS a religion after all.) [importance level 1.]

- Include a fable about not losing your cool and trying to take revenge on people. Maybe a Batman movie remake with an appropriate moral. [importance level 4: You can still pick a fight with another guy if he's hitting on your girl.]

Denominations must specify examples of deeds that win you good and bad karma as the times dictate.

Denominations must specify whether or not there's a god, and what sort of beast it is.

Denominations must specify how you achieve spiritual fulfillment, particularly, what types of canonical Uberfaith paths they favor.

Practical more so than doctrinal matters:

The denominations shall convene from time to time (every 5-10 years or so) and come up with guidelines on the general directions that each of the paths should take. These guidelines are not binding (for no thoughts should be outlawed except outright heresy) but actions in accord with the guidelines should be encouraged while those that go against them should be thoroughly questioned by the participants before proceeding.

Uberfaith may provide for the education of the populace by contributing to secular, state-run schools. Only if the state is hopelessly corrupt or otherwise unable to educate the populace, Uberfaith may run schools that are suitable for non-believers.

There shall be Jedi fights and comedy slam fests, for they amuse me.

[unreality]

lol, nice. Except we didn't kill off god. Have you never heard of the FSM? It's sort of a cult joke among atheists. I just took the FSM and gave Him and His Noodly Appendage a whole pantheon of Noodly Deities to fit with octopuppy's idea of polytheism

on that note, I'm revising the Pasta Pantheon and the Paths: (the P3 )

-----

(#) Name (attributes new attributes) Patron Deity (ie, the Noodly Deity of the Great Pasta Council that supports this path

-----

(0) Path to Enlightenment (study of the Zero. No higher beliefs. A series of mental apprenticeships and tests to merge oneself with the universe and attain True Uberenlightenment. Stress self-learning, openmindedness... treated sort of as a separate denomination in itself, as Plasmid said) The Flying Spaghetti Monster himself

(1) Path of Knowledge (learn new things and always question. Scientist by heart if not by profession. Gain new wisdom both practical and abstract, and apply it to the world) Rigati

(2) Path of Randomness (be spontaneous. Do random acts of kindness. Say "yes" to everything. Embrace the chaos in the universe. Also involves harnessing your inner demigod) Macaroni, which is the collective essence of everyone's "personal demigods"

(3) Path for Humanity (work on problems facing our species, and attempt to further its collective intelligence and well-being, in harmony with other species and the Earth itself. Social sciences, psychology, a humanistic perspective and a kind heart are involved... make your contribution to furthering Humanity's own path with whatever means you have) Fettuccini

(4) Path of the Uberkarma (balance, harmony and recipricocity are built into the universe - this is supported by physics. Antimatter+matter, action+reaction, negative+position, yin+yang... these build up from the particle level and retain their properties at macro-levels, thereby encouraging you to be good and good will come in return. The Path's scientific processes will investigate how it all works) Ravioli

(5) Nature (the "green" path - save the environment, save the Earth. Respect other species, from humans to ants to trees to apes to fish to coral. Respect the Earth in its uberconscious-biomass-organism {such as Kepler and Gaian-philosophers believe} and help regulate its conditions to support amazing new life. Study evolution, biology, ecology, extrabiology, geology, meteorology, etc. Help the Earth and help your fellow residents on this pale blue dot. Include stipulations against extremism... Naturists still need to keep their priorities straight) Gnocchi

(6) Pathius Essencius (study mathematics, and the core axioms at the basis of math, physics and science itself. Embrace the mathematical aspect of life and help uncover truths about chaos theory and fractals and other practical applications of complex math. Become involved with the philosophy behind mathematics. Are you a Platonic or a Subjectivist regarding math's appearance in natural phenomena? This path is pretty much for mathemiticians but anyone is welcome. This is a path that seems to be more of a "minor" path as opposed to the other paths, and should be taken along with another route to fulfilment) Mastaccioli

(7) Path of the Mind (deals with deep philosophical concepts like the mind, psychology, dualism, holism, that kind of thing... has a sub-branching regarding computers, computer science, and artificial intelligence) Manicotti

(8) another one?

(9) another one?

10 in all would make the supreme deity (the FSM) for path #0 and the 9-strong Pasta Council for each of the other paths 1-9

[Guest]

The paths idea seems to have a lot of support but I'm not letting this go without a bit more questioning. If not an educational system, they seem to be a form of specialization, defining a person's interests and focus to a limited subset of things. This happens naturally as a consequence of modern living. Education naturally focuses you into a narrow field, as does employment. Why would we need or wish to encourage this by another mechanism? Personally I'm of the view that polymathy is much underrated and lacking in our culture, so the paths idea seems undesirable as well as redundant. If the purpose of the paths is to draw focus to certain Topics You Should Be Interested In, then I would consider it desirable that all members of the flock make themselves aware of all these matters, or as many as they can. We're not in the business of education, so if we feel it necessary to draw people's attention to certain matters we should keep the information minimal, so everybody should be able to absorb it all.

Consider the topics created so far: Enlightenment, Knowledge, Randomness, Humanity, Uberkarma, Nature, Essencius, and Mind

Shouldn't these all be part of the awareness of every uberpeon? Enlightenment may be a special case insofar as we are referring to the veiled exit path I proposed. But considering it further, maybe we needn't be so covert. As plasmid says, we must respect non-believers. I think we need to see non-belief as being an equally valid viewpoint which we must never conflict with, but consider as being another way of looking at the same truth, a valid way which we support, even a superior wisdom that uberpeons may aspire to.

While I'm at it, I also don't think uberfaith should be in the business of funding schools or stuff like that. In my opinion, the less it does and the smaller its impact and control on secular society, the better. Also, funding stuff means you need funds. That means you have to get more money from somewhere. The less money passes through uberfaith the better. That's my 2 cents on that.

So, getting back to what we believe...

If there's no God, and if we're hesitant to say even exactly what the afterlife is, then how is Uberfaith a religion? What sort of divine power do we have that should make people follow us (especially if we don't get Chuck Norris)? Or are we going to try to set up something like a religion but not based on the divine right to preach? It would be a cultural breakthrough if it worked, but it would be a risky move. It's not a question we need to address right now, especially if Grayven might be able to pull some hocus-pocus with Revelations, but it's something to keep in mind.

I too had this concern, but found that The Essence had already prompted seeksit to provide me with the solution, in the form of Unitarian Universalism. The lesson we can learn from UU is that perhaps we shouldn't worry too much about having to make the kind of unambiguous supernatural assertions that would clearly class us as a religion. Actually we have a lot more assertions to make than UU, so if they are a religion, so are we!

Here's the belief system I propose. The Essence is the key to understanding deep universal truth. The Essence incorporates elements of Karma, The Force, and whatever else we want, to provide a framework for spiritual understanding. We seek to know the nature of The Essence, and live our lives in harmony with it, but never make any assertions about what it actually is. If someone of a scientific mind comes along and says "What proof have you that The Essence exists?", we may answer "We never said that it does. We seek only to know its ways better...". The Essence may be a metaphor, a macro-effect, or a pseudo-supernatural thing, as we choose to view it.

On the subject of the afterlife, our Lord Barack has instructed us with the parable of the eggs:

A man came to Lord Barack, much distraught, seeking his advice. "Lord Barack", said he, "on this day a friend of mine was robbed in the street. He was attacked by a gang who gave him a good kicking, took all his money and ran off laughing. He died of his injuries, in great pain. He was a good man. Now I feel that this world is without justice. What is the point in being good when life ends up treating you so unfairly?"

Lord Barack smiled and said unto him "Do not despair. The Way of The Essence is to make good all injustice, for injustice is imbalance and the Essence is always in balance. No one can avoid this for this is the Way of Things. Consider this. There was a carton of eggs on a supermarket shelf. The eggs talked amongst themselves and said 'What happens when we are cracked? It will be the end of us!'. Some eggs were plunged into a deep depression by this. They were so gloomy that they turned bad. Others abandoned their morality, and said nasty and uncaring things to the other eggs. These also turned bad. But some eggs enjoyed every moment of their shelf life. They could not see what lay beyond their shells, and chose not to worry about it, and rather make the best of what they had. These remained good. When the box of eggs was purchased and taken home, all the eggs were cracked, but the bad eggs were thrown into the bin, whereas the good eggs went on to make a wonderful omelette. Their good spirits had not been in vain. Their new form of existence as an omelette was something they could not have foreseen, but such is The Way of The Essence."

Sufficiently ambiguous?

Naturally, when we choose to get off our butts and better our existence, we are following The Way of The Essence and we can feel its effects within us. We feel it flow when we work together with others or when we sing together in church. In quiet reflection it becomes still so that we can gain awareness of its nature. It flows and lives within us. It unifies all humanity, and binds us to all living things. It is life, energy, love and intelligence.

We learn the nature of The Essence through parable and by example, thus Uberfaith determines its character without making any clear assertions. The wisdom of Lord Obama is second to none on these matters and only He truly understands why The Essence has directed us to make the various rules about Uberfaith that we have set out.

[unreality]

octopuppy has convinced me, and we should do away with the Paths. They're superfluous. Also do away with the pasta pantheon (we don't want to get sued by Venganza ;D) and replace it with the Essence

There are no paths or deities but rather one single stream of "Essence" that runs through the universe like a tide of mystic power.

So, combining everything that has been said so far...

Uberfaith

government - many memetic denominations with different variations but all adhering to the Truth (the core doctrine). They live, thrive and die depending on membership count. Every year 1-5 top dogs of each denomination meet in the Ubercouncil for discussion of the Truth. In order for the Truth to adapt to the times, it can be changed over time, but a change in the Truth requires an overwhelming majority (let's say 92% or more)

The Most Holy Uberfaith Truth

* parables about Lord Barack's journeys... from his arrival to various speeches on various topics, such as afterlife, free will, and the Essence

* core moral and ethical recommendations (most of this stuff is up to the denominations though)

* karma system

* The Path to Enlightenment, the only path left of the old path idea (which is now heresy of course). It involves nonbelief in most of the Uberfaith along with study of the Zero, no higher beliefs, a series of mental apprenticeships and tests to merge oneself with the universe and attain True Uberenlightenment. Stress self-learning, openmindedness... treated sort of as a separate denomination in itself, as Plasmid said

* support of science, education, and learning (but do NOT donate to those areas or muddle in them or other politics at all)

* built-in holy war system. When one denomination violates the Truth, the others give it an ultimatum to either repent their affront to the Essence or be destroyed

~~

what about where people meet? I'd rather not call them "churches", "chapels", "shrines" (since we dropped the pantheon/god idea), "mosques", "cathedrals", etc.

Maybe if we call them Temples (Temples of the Essence? Ubertemples?) or maybe something more secretive and modern like "Locations" or "Rendezvous"

[unreality]

actually, I realized we can put all of the Truth into "barack parables", speaking about the following:

* original arrival and instruction about Uberfaith

* afterlife

* moral & ethical recommendations, and the role of karma in the universe

* heresy, paganism, holy wars

* the path of Enlightenment

here's what we have so far:

And upon visiting the city of Rome, Obama did come upon a place where the wicked and corrupt sought to govern all earth with a pretence of divine right. Upon seeing this, he angered and spake thus: "Know ye not that the gods decree that the pursuit of truth, and the betterment of all mankind is of paramount importance? All human endeavour is imperfect, including the endeavours of the church. In order that we may come to know their will better, the gods have explicitly stated that no one church may know the whole truth. Therefore we must allow denominations to proliferate and find their own methods of governance, as long as they hold true to the core document of our faith which shall be revealed when all this has been written down. Let no denomination persecute another, unless that other is doing something truly naughty according to the laws I shall give unto you". The people did not understand so he called for a volunteer. A woman stepped forward from the crowd and he bid her lie down in a long box. Seizing a nearby saw, he proceeded to saw her in two halves. The people were much concerned and there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, but Obama said "fear not, and observe". Putting the two halves of the box together he then made the woman whole again, and she was unharmed. And Obama said unto the throng "now see that even as this woman can come apart and yet remain one, so may the true church of various gods fracture and yet pursue a single endeavour". And he said unto the woman, "formerly thine name was Bonsheequa, but thou hast been remade and henceforth thou shalt be known as Mercedes who is called Debby" and sent her forth looking a bit confused.

And Obama and his followers did cross the lands on their pilgrimage. And on the day of St. Patrick, they entered into a county which was dry. There was much moaning and wailing, and Obama stood before his followers and instructed them: “It is heinous that we on this night are in a dry county. But weep not; instead go forth and bring me water, the purest that you can find, so it may be blessed for this night.” His followers went forth to do as he commanded. Many sought the nearby ocean and returned with brine, but a faithful few journeyed far to a freshwater stream and returned with water most pure. When they all had gathered before the dramaless one, he spoke a benediction, and behold! Those who had with them brine found that it had become Bud Light. On that most holy night they did party and they did get buzzed, albeit on swill, and did suffer under the hangover. But those faithful few who brought back water most pure, behold!, they were blessed with Sam Adams. And they enjoyed their drink, and were not the least bit groggy the following morning. And Barack spoke: “Listen, before thou art hammered. Just as with this booze, so too the life after this will rock for those who rock in this realm, and be mediocre for those who here art half-a**ed.” And the followers cried “Amen” and became wasted.

A follower approached him and asked: “When thou leave us, and we find ourselves among women chopped into many pieces, how shall we know which piece to choose?” And Obama revealed: “This night, you have seen your charge. Go forth, and accomplish great things. Those which drive you to do so, they are your friends. Those which tell you to relax, they will bring you nothing better than mediocrity. Those which tell you to understand the world, they will bring you great things. Those which mock the wise, they will not enjoy the fruits of those whose efforts they spurn. Those which despise their fellow man, by God above they will be despised, and so they will not get plasma screen TVs in the life to come but will get 16 inch sets, and they will have to watch the commercials.”

A man came to Lord Barack, much distraught, seeking his advice. "Lord Barack", said he, "on this day a friend of mine was robbed in the street. He was attacked by a gang who gave him a good kicking, took all his money and ran off laughing. He died of his injuries, in great pain. He was a good man. Now I feel that this world is without justice. What is the point in being good when life ends up treating you so unfairly?"

Lord Barack smiled and said unto him "Do not despair. The Way of The Essence is to make good all injustice, for injustice is imbalance and the Essence is always in balance. No one can avoid this for this is the Way of Things. Consider this. There was a carton of eggs on a supermarket shelf. The eggs talked amongst themselves and said 'What happens when we are cracked? It will be the end of us!'. Some eggs were plunged into a deep depression by this. They were so gloomy that they turned bad. Others abandoned their morality, and said nasty and uncaring things to the other eggs. These also turned bad. But some eggs enjoyed every moment of their shelf life. They could not see what lay beyond their shells, and chose not to worry about it, and rather make the best of what they had. These remained good. When the box of eggs was purchased and taken home, all the eggs were cracked, but the bad eggs were thrown into the bin, whereas the good eggs went on to make a wonderful omelette. Their good spirits had not been in vain. Their new form of existence as an omelette was something they could not have foreseen, but such is The Way of The Essence."

One day, when the sun struck mightily upon the fields and sweat ran like rivers down men's backs, Lord Barack (wearing a cowl over his face) saw a man standing over his unplanted plot, grinning.

"Ye there!" Lord Barack did exclaim. "What causes thou such excitation as to ignore thy agricultural duties to thy family?"

"I have no such obligations," the man proclaimed. "Look at mine neighbor's plot... he has planted far too much than is necessary. I shall merely take from his plot when the biology is ripe."

"Do you thoust knowest who thou speaketh to?" Lord Barack roared, revealing his visage to the farmer thief.

"I- I- please, do not smite me into the sand, my Lord!" the man cried, for his heart was feasting of fear.

"You have no action from me," Barack told him. "It is the universe that shall punish ye. Can ye not see the Essence, the balance, in everything? Can ye not see the matter and the antimatter, the forward and backward, the transformation of energy, the light and dark, the life and death?"

"These are but quantum matters, my Lord," the farmer smiled, thinking he had foundeth a loophole in the prophet's argument. "My considerations are with the farm, the field, the sun, food, my family."

"Thine macro level is a mere extension," Barack replied quickly. "Cannot you witness the building up of the Essence from level to level? Properties of balance are built into the fabric of the Universe. Can ye not see the elements of antimatter/matter reflected in action/reaction pairs of forces? Can ye not see these forces imbued within the actions of herds and organisms? Can ye not see the recipricocity of thine own Earth?"

"I see it not, my Lord. For that reason I shall steal, for thieves lie in bed with coins and women while farmers toil in sweat and dirt all day for a meager scrap."

"So be it," Barack sighed. "I am late to my rave."

And so the Lord did leave the prospective thief. Before long, the plants poked through the barrier of the Earth and opened their leaves to the sun. The farmer went with a basket late at night to steal his neighbor's crops. However, he didst see bare earth.

"What hath occurred here?" the farmer was shocked.

Lord Barack strolleth by at this moment, returning from His rave, and didst see the situation, with his need-based omniscience.

"Your neighbor hath already pluck all which he had planted," Barack noted. "He planted exactly what he needed, no less, for he was donating to a Hungry Child fund down thine road. Many thankful single mothers lay with him for this. There was even extra in the village square, but no, ye were in thou househould, planning ye dastardly heist. Do you not now see the recipricocity of thine own Universe?"

"I do see it, my Lord. Thank you. Thank you!" the farmer fell to his knees and thanked the Essence, but quickly, aware of the many opportunities to do goodly things. The farmer didst then work hard and plant well and donate to Hungry Child funds and sleep with many a thankful single mother as well.

[Guest]

On the topic of worship, we have the parable of the Uberfaithist ninja:

There was a ninja training camp which trained ninjas of various religions. But the best and wisest of them all was an Uberfaithist. One day a boastful young trainee ninja stated that they were so badass, they could even take on Chuck Norris. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realised his mistake. All the ninjas fell to their knees and begged their various deities to save them. But the Uberfaithist knew that this was a waste of precious time, and used all his ninja skills to hide himself instead. The sound of praying grew less as one by one voices fell silent. The last few stopped praying and jumped up, ready to fight. But their numbers were few and the battle was a short one. Chuck Norris paused only to shake the blood from his fists, and left. Shaking with fear, the Uberfaithist ninja came out of hiding. He now realised that his prompt action and focus had been the only thing that had saved his life. Now he felt he truly appreciated the power of The Essence, and rejoicing, he fell to his knees and thanked the Essence for his deliverance. At once he was gifted with a revelation about the true nature of the Essence, and without even opening his eyes, he said "You're standing right behind me, aren't you?"

Chuck didn't bother to answer.

[unreality]

We'll add that one to the list

here's one on free will (but covering other topics too as all of the parables have done)

A wise monk of the Uberfaith, known only as Master to his disciples and Disciple to his masters, was walking along the top of the narrow Great Stone Quadrangle, a ruin said to be the site of Lord Barack's rave parties. He walked a continous route over the four walls, always going counterclockwise.

An uberneophyte monk came up to the monk after watching his progress for nearly an hour.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the neophyte asked. "You get nowhere."

"Because I can," the monk responded. "It is a form of meditation. I walk to celebrate the infinite, circular journey of Life, a journey which has no end or destination."

"Wasn't it you who said to enjoy life? You're walking without purpose."

"I am enjoying life," said the wise monk. "Everyone celebrates life in a different way. You must respect this facet of Nature. You say I am walking without purpose, but that argument goes to living life as well. The meaning is what we apply to it, not some external forced meaning. The journey is the destination."

"But why do you enjoy life in this specific way?" the neophyte asked, still a little befuddled.

"Because I choose to," the monk responded.

"Choice?" the neophyte was bewildered. "Sorry dude but physics is pretty clear on that... particle motions are based on the previous state of the universe combined with randomness."

The monk just smiled. "The manner of choice is mysterious. What is a choice? A decision based on input. Our brain makes millions of them per second."

"Yes but it's determined by the pre-existing state, and randomness."

"What else would you want it to be determined by?" the monk asked.

The neophyte thought about it for a minute.

"Would you have your decisions come about spontaneously and randomly, not connected at all to the previous state of things? The way your brain makes choices is tied intrinsically with the system that is you, therefore it can be said you are choosing."

At that moment, the neophyte was enlightened. "What is it I have just experienced, Master?" he asked, awed by the awesome inexplicable power of the sensation.

"It is the Essence. You are beginning to merge with its flow," the monk said with a slight grin. "The Essence is the real apex of choice. You will learn what that means at an undetermined point in the future."

"I see the truth now, Master," the neophyte - no longer a neophyte - added. "It's so simple."

An hour later, a novice monk entered the Quadrangle after a short biofeedback exercise. She looked around and saw two wise monks walking around the rim of the Quadrangle. Curious, she climbed the ancient stone steps and waited until they came around the bend to her.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the novice asked. "You get nowhere."

[unreality]

On the Denominational System and Imperfection {octopuppy}

And upon visiting the city of Rome, Obama did come upon a place where the wicked and corrupt sought to govern all earth with a pretence of divine right. Upon seeing this, he angered and spake thus: "Know ye not that the gods decree that the pursuit of truth, and the betterment of all mankind is of paramount importance? All human endeavour is imperfect, including the endeavours of the church. In order that we may come to know their will better, the gods have explicitly stated that no one church may know the whole truth. Therefore we must allow denominations to proliferate and find their own methods of governance, as long as they hold true to the core document of our faith which shall be revealed when all this has been written down. Let no denomination persecute another, unless that other is doing something truly naughty according to the laws I shall give unto you". The people did not understand so he called for a volunteer. A woman stepped forward from the crowd and he bid her lie down in a long box. Seizing a nearby saw, he proceeded to saw her in two halves. The people were much concerned and there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, but Obama said "fear not, and observe". Putting the two halves of the box together he then made the woman whole again, and she was unharmed. And Obama said unto the throng "now see that even as this woman can come apart and yet remain one, so may the true church of various gods fracture and yet pursue a single endeavour". And he said unto the woman, "formerly thine name was Bonsheequa, but thou hast been remade and henceforth thou shalt be known as Mercedes who is called Debby" and sent her forth looking a bit confused.

Essay on Afterlife and Living Well {plasmid}

And Obama and his followers did cross the lands on their pilgrimage. And on the day of St. Patrick, they entered into a county which was dry. There was much moaning and wailing, and Obama stood before his followers and instructed them: “It is heinous that we on this night are in a dry county. But weep not; instead go forth and bring me water, the purest that you can find, so it may be blessed for this night.” His followers went forth to do as he commanded. Many sought the nearby ocean and returned with brine, but a faithful few journeyed far to a freshwater stream and returned with water most pure. When they all had gathered before the dramaless one, he spoke a benediction, and behold! Those who had with them brine found that it had become Bud Light. On that most holy night they did party and they did get buzzed, albeit on swill, and did suffer under the hangover. But those faithful few who brought back water most pure, behold!, they were blessed with Sam Adams. And they enjoyed their drink, and were not the least bit groggy the following morning. And Barack spoke: “Listen, before thou art hammered. Just as with this booze, so too the life after this will rock for those who rock in this realm, and be mediocre for those who here art half-a**ed.” And the followers cried “Amen” and became wasted.

A follower approached him and asked: “When thou leave us, and we find ourselves among women chopped into many pieces, how shall we know which piece to choose?” And Obama revealed: “This night, you have seen your charge. Go forth, and accomplish great things. Those which drive you to do so, they are your friends. Those which tell you to relax, they will bring you nothing better than mediocrity. Those which tell you to understand the world, they will bring you great things. Those which mock the wise, they will not enjoy the fruits of those whose efforts they spurn. Those which despise their fellow man, by God above they will be despised, and so they will not get plasma screen TVs in the life to come but will get 16 inch sets, and they will have to watch the commercials.”

Parable of the Afterlife {octopuppy}

A man came to Lord Barack, much distraught, seeking his advice. "Lord Barack", said he, "on this day a friend of mine was robbed in the street. He was attacked by a gang who gave him a good kicking, took all his money and ran off laughing. He died of his injuries, in great pain. He was a good man. Now I feel that this world is without justice. What is the point in being good when life ends up treating you so unfairly?"

Lord Barack smiled and said unto him "Do not despair. The Way of The Essence is to make good all injustice, for injustice is imbalance and the Essence is always in balance. No one can avoid this for this is the Way of Things. Consider this. There was a carton of eggs on a supermarket shelf. The eggs talked amongst themselves and said 'What happens when we are cracked? It will be the end of us!'. Some eggs were plunged into a deep depression by this. They were so gloomy that they turned bad. Others abandoned their morality, and said nasty and uncaring things to the other eggs. These also turned bad. But some eggs enjoyed every moment of their shelf life. They could not see what lay beyond their shells, and chose not to worry about it, and rather make the best of what they had. These remained good. When the box of eggs was purchased and taken home, all the eggs were cracked, but the bad eggs were thrown into the bin, whereas the good eggs went on to make a wonderful omelette. Their good spirits had not been in vain. Their new form of existence as an omelette was something they could not have foreseen, but such is The Way of The Essence."

The Allegory of the Rave: Ethics on Karma and Goodness {unreality}

One day, when the sun struck mightily upon the fields and sweat ran like rivers down men's backs, Lord Barack (wearing a cowl over his face) saw a man standing over his unplanted plot, grinning.

"Ye there!" Lord Barack did exclaim. "What causes thou such excitation as to ignore thy agricultural duties to thy family?"

"I have no such obligations," the man proclaimed. "Look at mine neighbor's plot... he has planted far too much than is necessary. I shall merely take from his plot when the biology is ripe."

"Do you thoust knowest who thou speaketh to?" Lord Barack roared, revealing his visage to the farmer thief.

"I- I- please, do not smite me into the sand, my Lord!" the man cried, for his heart was feasting of fear.

"You have no action from me," Barack told him. "It is the universe that shall punish ye. Can ye not see the Essence, the balance, in everything? Can ye not see the matter and the antimatter, the forward and backward, the transformation of energy, the light and dark, the life and death?"

"These are but quantum matters, my Lord," the farmer smiled, thinking he had foundeth a loophole in the prophet's argument. "My considerations are with the farm, the field, the sun, food, my family."

"Thine macro level is a mere extension," Barack replied quickly. "Cannot you witness the building up of the Essence from level to level? Properties of balance are built into the fabric of the Universe. Can ye not see the elements of antimatter/matter reflected in action/reaction pairs of forces? Can ye not see these forces imbued within the actions of herds and organisms? Can ye not see the recipricocity of thine own Earth?"

"I see it not, my Lord. For that reason I shall steal, for thieves lie in bed with coins and women while farmers toil in sweat and dirt all day for a meager scrap."

"So be it," Barack sighed. "I am late to my rave."

And so the Lord did leave the prospective thief. Before long, the plants poked through the barrier of the Earth and opened their leaves to the sun. The farmer went with a basket late at night to steal his neighbor's crops. However, he didst see bare earth.

"What hath occurred here?" the farmer was shocked.

Lord Barack strolleth by at this moment, returning from His rave, and didst see the situation, with his need-based omniscience.

"Your neighbor hath already pluck all which he had planted," Barack noted. "He planted exactly what he needed, no less, for he was donating to a Hungry Child fund down thine road. Many thankful single mothers lay with him for this. There was even extra in the village square, but no, ye were in thou househould, planning ye dastardly heist. Do you not now see the recipricocity of thine own Universe?"

"I do see it, my Lord. Thank you. Thank you!" the farmer fell to his knees and thanked the Essence, but quickly, aware of the many opportunities to do goodly things. The farmer didst then work hard and plant well and donate to Hungry Child funds and sleep with many a thankful single mother as well.

On the Topic of Worship: the Parable of the Ninja {octopuppy}

There was a ninja training camp which trained ninjas of various religions. But the best and wisest of them all was an Uberfaithist. One day a boastful young trainee ninja stated that they were so badass, they could even take on Chuck Norris. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realised his mistake. All the ninjas fell to their knees and begged their various deities to save them. But the Uberfaithist knew that this was a waste of precious time, and used all his ninja skills to hide himself instead. The sound of praying grew less as one by one voices fell silent. The last few stopped praying and jumped up, ready to fight. But their numbers were few and the battle was a short one. Chuck Norris paused only to shake the blood from his fists, and left. Shaking with fear, the Uberfaithist ninja came out of hiding. He now realised that his prompt action and focus had been the only thing that had saved his life. Now he felt he truly appreciated the power of The Essence, and rejoicing, he fell to his knees and thanked the Essence for his deliverance. At once he was gifted with a revelation about the true nature of the Essence, and without even opening his eyes, he said "You're standing right behind me, aren't you?"

Chuck didn't bother to answer.

Allegory on Purpose, Free Will and the Cyclical Nature of Life {unreality}

A wise monk of the Uberfaith, known only as Master to his disciples and Disciple to his masters, was walking along the top of the narrow Great Stone Quadrangle, a ruin said to be the site of Lord Barack's rave parties. He walked a continous route over the four walls, always going counterclockwise.

An uberneophyte monk came up to the monk after watching his progress for nearly an hour.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the neophyte asked. "You get nowhere."

"Because I can," the monk responded. "It is a form of meditation. I walk to celebrate the infinite, circular journey of Life, a journey which has no end or destination."

"Wasn't it you who said to enjoy life? You're walking without purpose."

"I am enjoying life," said the wise monk. "Everyone celebrates life in a different way. You must respect this facet of Nature. You say I am walking without purpose, but that argument goes to living life as well. The meaning is what we apply to it, not some external forced meaning. The journey is the destination."

"But why do you enjoy life in this specific way?" the neophyte asked, still a little befuddled.

"Because I choose to," the monk responded.

"Choice?" the neophyte was bewildered. "Sorry dude but physics is pretty clear on that... particle motions are based on the previous state of the universe combined with randomness."

The monk just smiled. "The manner of choice is mysterious. What is a choice? A decision based on input. Our brain makes millions of them per second."

"Yes but it's determined by the pre-existing state, and randomness."

"What else would you want it to be determined by?" the monk asked.

The neophyte thought about it for a minute.

"Would you have your decisions come about spontaneously and randomly, not connected at all to the previous state of things? The way your brain makes choices is tied intrinsically with the system that is you, therefore it can be said you are choosing."

At that moment, the neophyte was enlightened. "What is it I have just experienced, Master?" he asked, awed by the awesome inexplicable power of the sensation.

"It is the Essence. You are beginning to merge with its flow," the monk said with a slight grin. "The Essence is the real apex of choice. You will learn what that means at an undetermined point in the future."

"I see the truth now, Master," the neophyte - no longer a neophyte - added. "It's so simple."

An hour later, a novice monk entered the Quadrangle after a short biofeedback exercise. She looked around and saw two wise monks walking around the rim of the Quadrangle. Curious, she climbed the ancient stone steps and waited until they came around the bend to her.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the novice asked. "You get nowhere."

Edited May 4, 2009 by unreality

[unreality]

On the Denominational System and Imperfection {octopuppy}

And upon visiting the city of Rome, Obama did come upon a place where the wicked and corrupt sought to govern all earth with a pretence of divine right. Upon seeing this, he angered and spake thus: "Know ye not that the gods decree that the pursuit of truth, and the betterment of all mankind is of paramount importance? All human endeavour is imperfect, including the endeavours of the church. In order that we may come to know their will better, the gods have explicitly stated that no one church may know the whole truth. Therefore we must allow denominations to proliferate and find their own methods of governance, as long as they hold true to the core document of our faith which shall be revealed when all this has been written down. Let no denomination persecute another, unless that other is doing something truly naughty according to the laws I shall give unto you". The people did not understand so he called for a volunteer. A woman stepped forward from the crowd and he bid her lie down in a long box. Seizing a nearby saw, he proceeded to saw her in two halves. The people were much concerned and there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, but Obama said "fear not, and observe". Putting the two halves of the box together he then made the woman whole again, and she was unharmed. And Obama said unto the throng "now see that even as this woman can come apart and yet remain one, so may the true church of various gods fracture and yet pursue a single endeavour". And he said unto the woman, "formerly thine name was Bonsheequa, but thou hast been remade and henceforth thou shalt be known as Mercedes who is called Debby" and sent her forth looking a bit confused.

Essay on Afterlife and Living Well {plasmid}

And Obama and his followers did cross the lands on their pilgrimage. And on the day of St. Patrick, they entered into a county which was dry. There was much moaning and wailing, and Obama stood before his followers and instructed them: “It is heinous that we on this night are in a dry county. But weep not; instead go forth and bring me water, the purest that you can find, so it may be blessed for this night.” His followers went forth to do as he commanded. Many sought the nearby ocean and returned with brine, but a faithful few journeyed far to a freshwater stream and returned with water most pure. When they all had gathered before the dramaless one, he spoke a benediction, and behold! Those who had with them brine found that it had become Bud Light. On that most holy night they did party and they did get buzzed, albeit on swill, and did suffer under the hangover. But those faithful few who brought back water most pure, behold!, they were blessed with Sam Adams. And they enjoyed their drink, and were not the least bit groggy the following morning. And Barack spoke: “Listen, before thou art hammered. Just as with this booze, so too the life after this will rock for those who rock in this realm, and be mediocre for those who here art half-a**ed.” And the followers cried “Amen” and became wasted.

A follower approached him and asked: “When thou leave us, and we find ourselves among women chopped into many pieces, how shall we know which piece to choose?” And Obama revealed: “This night, you have seen your charge. Go forth, and accomplish great things. Those which drive you to do so, they are your friends. Those which tell you to relax, they will bring you nothing better than mediocrity. Those which tell you to understand the world, they will bring you great things. Those which mock the wise, they will not enjoy the fruits of those whose efforts they spurn. Those which despise their fellow man, by God above they will be despised, and so they will not get plasma screen TVs in the life to come but will get 16 inch sets, and they will have to watch the commercials.”

Parable of the Afterlife {octopuppy}

A man came to Lord Barack, much distraught, seeking his advice. "Lord Barack", said he, "on this day a friend of mine was robbed in the street. He was attacked by a gang who gave him a good kicking, took all his money and ran off laughing. He died of his injuries, in great pain. He was a good man. Now I feel that this world is without justice. What is the point in being good when life ends up treating you so unfairly?"

Lord Barack smiled and said unto him "Do not despair. The Way of The Essence is to make good all injustice, for injustice is imbalance and the Essence is always in balance. No one can avoid this for this is the Way of Things. Consider this. There was a carton of eggs on a supermarket shelf. The eggs talked amongst themselves and said 'What happens when we are cracked? It will be the end of us!'. Some eggs were plunged into a deep depression by this. They were so gloomy that they turned bad. Others abandoned their morality, and said nasty and uncaring things to the other eggs. These also turned bad. But some eggs enjoyed every moment of their shelf life. They could not see what lay beyond their shells, and chose not to worry about it, and rather make the best of what they had. These remained good. When the box of eggs was purchased and taken home, all the eggs were cracked, but the bad eggs were thrown into the bin, whereas the good eggs went on to make a wonderful omelette. Their good spirits had not been in vain. Their new form of existence as an omelette was something they could not have foreseen, but such is The Way of The Essence."

The Allegory of the Rave: Ethics on Karma and Goodness {unreality}

One day, when the sun struck mightily upon the fields and sweat ran like rivers down men's backs, Lord Barack (wearing a cowl over his face) saw a man standing over his unplanted plot, grinning.

"Ye there!" Lord Barack did exclaim. "What causes thou such excitation as to ignore thy agricultural duties to thy family?"

"I have no such obligations," the man proclaimed. "Look at mine neighbor's plot... he has planted far too much than is necessary. I shall merely take from his plot when the biology is ripe."

"Do you thoust knowest who thou speaketh to?" Lord Barack roared, revealing his visage to the farmer thief.

"I- I- please, do not smite me into the sand, my Lord!" the man cried, for his heart was feasting of fear.

"You have no action from me," Barack told him. "It is the universe that shall punish ye. Can ye not see the Essence, the balance, in everything? Can ye not see the matter and the antimatter, the forward and backward, the transformation of energy, the light and dark, the life and death?"

"These are but quantum matters, my Lord," the farmer smiled, thinking he had foundeth a loophole in the prophet's argument. "My considerations are with the farm, the field, the sun, food, my family."

"Thine macro level is a mere extension," Barack replied quickly. "Cannot you witness the building up of the Essence from level to level? Properties of balance are built into the fabric of the Universe. Can ye not see the elements of antimatter/matter reflected in action/reaction pairs of forces? Can ye not see these forces imbued within the actions of herds and organisms? Can ye not see the recipricocity of thine own Earth?"

"I see it not, my Lord. For that reason I shall steal, for thieves lie in bed with coins and women while farmers toil in sweat and dirt all day for a meager scrap."

"So be it," Barack sighed. "I am late to my rave."

And so the Lord did leave the prospective thief. Before long, the plants poked through the barrier of the Earth and opened their leaves to the sun. The farmer went with a basket late at night to steal his neighbor's crops. However, he didst see bare earth.

"What hath occurred here?" the farmer was shocked.

Lord Barack strolleth by at this moment, returning from His rave, and didst see the situation, with his need-based omniscience.

"Your neighbor hath already pluck all which he had planted," Barack noted. "He planted exactly what he needed, no less, for he was donating to a Hungry Child fund down thine road. Many thankful single mothers lay with him for this. There was even extra in the village square, but no, ye were in thou househould, planning ye dastardly heist. Do you not now see the recipricocity of thine own Universe?"

"I do see it, my Lord. Thank you. Thank you!" the farmer fell to his knees and thanked the Essence, but quickly, aware of the many opportunities to do goodly things. The farmer didst then work hard and plant well and donate to Hungry Child funds and sleep with many a thankful single mother as well.

On the Topic of Worship: the Parable of the Ninja {octopuppy}

There was a ninja training camp which trained ninjas of various religions. But the best and wisest of them all was an Uberfaithist. One day a boastful young trainee ninja stated that they were so badass, they could even take on Chuck Norris. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realised his mistake. All the ninjas fell to their knees and begged their various deities to save them. But the Uberfaithist knew that this was a waste of precious time, and used all his ninja skills to hide himself instead. The sound of praying grew less as one by one voices fell silent. The last few stopped praying and jumped up, ready to fight. But their numbers were few and the battle was a short one. Chuck Norris paused only to shake the blood from his fists, and left. Shaking with fear, the Uberfaithist ninja came out of hiding. He now realised that his prompt action and focus had been the only thing that had saved his life. Now he felt he truly appreciated the power of The Essence, and rejoicing, he fell to his knees and thanked the Essence for his deliverance. At once he was gifted with a revelation about the true nature of the Essence, and without even opening his eyes, he said "You're standing right behind me, aren't you?"

Chuck didn't bother to answer.

Allegory on Purpose, Free Will and the Cyclical Nature of Life {unreality}

A wise monk of the Uberfaith, known only as Master to his disciples and Disciple to his masters, was walking along the top of the narrow Great Stone Quadrangle, a ruin said to be the site of Lord Barack's rave parties. He walked a continous route over the four walls, always going counterclockwise.

An uberneophyte monk came up to the monk after watching his progress for nearly an hour.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the neophyte asked. "You get nowhere."

"Because I can," the monk responded. "It is a form of meditation. I walk to celebrate the infinite, circular journey of Life, a journey which has no end or destination."

"Wasn't it you who said to enjoy life? You're walking without purpose."

"I am enjoying life," said the wise monk. "Everyone celebrates life in a different way. You must respect this facet of Nature. You say I am walking without purpose, but that argument goes to living life as well. The meaning is what we apply to it, not some external forced meaning. The journey is the destination."

"But why do you enjoy life in this specific way?" the neophyte asked, still a little befuddled.

"Because I choose to," the monk responded.

"Choice?" the neophyte was bewildered. "Sorry dude but physics is pretty clear on that... particle motions are based on the previous state of the universe combined with randomness."

The monk just smiled. "The manner of choice is mysterious. What is a choice? A decision based on input. Our brain makes millions of them per second."

"Yes but it's determined by the pre-existing state, and randomness."

"What else would you want it to be determined by?" the monk asked.

The neophyte thought about it for a minute.

"Would you have your decisions come about spontaneously and randomly, not connected at all to the previous state of things? The way your brain makes choices is tied intrinsically with the system that is you, therefore it can be said you are choosing."

At that moment, the neophyte was enlightened. "What is it I have just experienced, Master?" he asked, awed by the awesome inexplicable power of the sensation.

"It is the Essence. You are beginning to merge with its flow," the monk said with a slight grin. "The Essence is the real apex of choice. You will learn what that means at an undetermined point in the future."

"I see the truth now, Master," the neophyte - no longer a neophyte - added. "It's so simple."

An hour later, a novice monk entered the Quadrangle after a short biofeedback exercise. She looked around and saw two wise monks walking around the rim of the Quadrangle. Curious, she climbed the ancient stone steps and waited until they came around the bend to her.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the novice asked. "You get nowhere."

We could also attribute certain sayings or aphorism-type things to Lord Barack...

"A narrow-minded slaveowner cracks a whip on a slave who dreams big. The slave is free; the slaveowner is not free."

"Man is responsible for his actions up here in the macro scale. A pushes B off a cliff. The ground did not kill B."

"Always seek the high ground of peace within your mind... but do not be afraid to swim in possibility."

"Fate did not bring you here - coincidence brought you here. The Essence brought you here."

"Remember what has brought you to Uberfaith, for it is the Truth. Always question your beliefs and, with a change of mind, change your denomination."

etc

[plasmid]

I'd never heard of the FSM before. They seriously sent that to the Kansas board of education?

Ok, we can change the paths into something more along those lines. That would also remove the fears that drove me to want periodic meetings to decide on the directions the paths would take, so that bit of government can go as well. Do you think we need anything else in its place as a way to give people a sense of purpose in their lives, or would harmony with the Essence be pretty much the one driving principle?

As important as I think education is (IMO it should be the top priority of any institution that proposes to advance humanity) I agree with octopuppy's point that it's better not to have money going through Uberfaith unnecessarily; that would just breed corruption and waste. The followers can donate directly to secular schools and cut out the middleman... even though I don't completely trust the secular schools either.

If we're not going to have Uberfaith running any schools because it would give them too much potential for abuse, I suppose we also need to get rid of any doctrine that has to do with sending an uberarmy out to smite the wicked. As a practical matter, it is a bit unrealistic to have storm troopers dispensing justice from the barrels of their rifles these days. Fine, we'll have to convert the heathen with more humane tactics. That includes threats of hellfire, unrelenting nagging by our followers to convert, all sorts of peer pressure and social isolation, psychological warfare tactics and the such. Future generations might condemn it, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

As for keeping the individual denominations in line without holy wars, do you think it would be enough to have each denomination keep a list of all other denominations that it considers to be part of "true Uberfaith" and treat any that it believes are sinners like a heretical group? There might be squabbles and schisms where pairs of denominations excommunicate each other, but it as long as everyone keeps their blacklists short, only the egregiously naughty ones should get affected significantly. No one would want to go to a denomination that isn't respected by any of the others.

All this "godless religion" and karma and Essence stuff is really starting to sound pretty Buddhist. Not that it's a bad thing. Just a little surprising that the pursuit of our design goals has brought us so close to something that already exists. But with a concept like the Essence that can potentially be interpreted pretty wildly, it becomes even more important to say repeatedly and without self-contradiction that the way to achieve oneness with the Essence is through actions that benefit humanity, and make sure that the followers don't fool themselves into pursuing oneness by becoming total meditating vegetables or anything. Balance is key. Sounds like a fable is in order.

I think the solution we're working toward now takes care of the issues from octopuppy's earlier post. The most holy doctrine has been revamped quite a bit to bring it in line with what we've discussed so far, and streamlined as George Carlin the wise suggests. I'll see what you think of this as the basis for Uberfaith. If it seems all right, we can concentrate on getting a nice set of parables that carry the message and make good moralistic bedtime stories for the kids (and adults who think like kids). Of course, mine's heresy now At some point I'll have to go back and change it appropriately.

Most Holy Doctrine

The Essence that permeates all things has subtle yet profound effects that shall not herein be fully explained. In order to help understand the Essence as it applies to human lives, though, it is useful to think of concepts such as karma and eternal life. Karma may be earned with the following acts: Help others, be generous, be reliable. Do not harm others, steal, or lie. Do not place your faith in false gods. Find something that you're good at that will benefit society and do it. Learn throughout your childhood, and fulfill your potential as an adult. The nature of your eternal life will be determined by your karma. Believers in false gods suffer in hell. Those who believe but lack karma will have modest contentment. Those whose karma is great will enjoy utter bliss.

It is fit that there be many denominations of Uberfaith, for not all people are alike, and diversity helps humanity flourish. The denominations shall each have their own customs and ways of harmonizing with the Essence. Sincere proponents of the Essence are welcome, but those that falsely claim Uberfaith shall be decried by the other denominations and spurned as heretics. As it is important for people to each find their unique role in the harmony of the Essence, it is fit for them to visit other denominations from time to time and experience their ways, and thus find their place in the world.

As it is important to have many denominations, so it is important to have people outside Uberfaith who are most fit to view it objectively and dispassionately. These outsiders that understand the world through mankind's endeavors are not to be despised but welcomed, for they offer a unique perspective and often seek to advance humanity as the followers do. But beware those outsiders that cling to ideas of gods, for they worship illusions of their imaginations that may guide them to decay. Such people should be brought into the Uberfaith to understand how to harmonize with the Essence.

The stuff about not being able to buy and sell karma like indulgences can go into a parable. So can the importance of promoting education. And we may need to give some guidelines in Uberdoctrine of what constitutes an offense bad enough to warrant excommunication.

Not sure what the uberchurches should be called. Rendezvous sounds kinda sexy though.

[unreality]

yeah I was thinking it was starting to sound very Zen (especially the most recent parable I did, "Allegory on Purpose, Free Will and the Cyclical Nature of Life")

yeah Temple or Rendezvous works for me (Rendezvous would have to be singular and plural), and I like the revised Core Truth

edit: to keep consistency we may need to update your parable on the afterlife (the second listed story in the spoiler above your post), and maybe remove "life after life" references but instead hint how your life affects everyone else around you and future generations of the earth, forever, so that the way you live your life has a large positive (or negative) affect on the future of Humanity, Earth, the Universe and even the Essence

Edited May 4, 2009 by unreality

[plasmid]

And Obama and his followers did cross the lands on their pilgrimage. And on the day of St. Patrick, they entered into a county which was dry. There was much moaning and wailing, and Obama stood before his followers and instructed them: "It is heinous that we on this night are in a dry county. But weep not; instead go forth and bring me water, the purest that you can find, so it may be blessed for this night." His followers went forth to do as he commanded. Many sought the nearby ocean and returned with brine, but a faithful few journeyed far to a freshwater stream and returned with water most pure. When they all had gathered before the dramaless one, he spoke a benediction, and behold! Those who had with them brine found that it had become Bud Light. On that most holy night they did party and they did get buzzed, albeit on swill, and did suffer under the hangover. But those faithful few who brought back water most pure, behold!, they were blessed with Guiness. And they enjoyed their drink, and were not the least bit groggy the following morning. And Barack spoke: "Listen, before thou art hammered, hear this about the Essence. While its ways are yet beyond the grasp of humanity to understand in full, certain of its aspects may be understood in part. Your actions have far reaching impacts – they influence the Essence itself, and so the Essence influences your existence." The revelers did not understand his words, and asked "Do you mean that we control the Essence?" and "Is the essence controlling our actions?" On hearing this, Obama explained in a simpler way so that they might at least understand how to act "No. Although imprecise, you can imagine something like an eternal life to help you understand how to act. Your actions here in this life will influence your eternal life. Just as with this booze, if you toil and perform great accomplishments like those who brought pure water, your eternal life will rock like this Guiness. If you simply believe in Uberfaith but have no accomplishments like those who brought the nearby brine, then your eternal life will be like mere Bud Light." And although not fully aware of the nature of the Essence, the followers understood at this simple level and cried "Amen" and became wasted.

A follower approached him and asked: "When thou leave us, and we find ourselves among women chopped into many pieces, how shall we know which piece to choose?" And Obama revealed: "This night, you have seen your charge. Go forth, and accomplish great things to harmonize with the Essence. Those which drive you to do so, they are your friends. Those which tell you to relax, they will bring you nothing better than mediocrity. Those which tell you to understand the world, they will bring you great things. Those which mock the wise, they will not enjoy the fruits of those whose efforts they spurn. Those which despise their fellow man, by God above they will be despised, and so they will not get plasma screen TVs in their eternal life but will get 16 inch sets, and they will have to watch the commercials."

Barack sat down to eat lunch at an outdoor table, and a young child recognized him and ran to him saying "Barack! I want to follow you, I want to be in Uberfaith! We can go forth and convert all we see to Uberfaith, we shall sow the seed of a denomination that will outstrip all others and leave no one in doubt!" At this, Barack became uneasy. He saw that there was a beauty parlor across the street, and he said to the young child "Look forth, at that woman leaving the beauty parlor. Do you see her hair?" The child looked and saw a woman with a bouffant most worthy of ridicule, and as he was drinking milk, he did laugh with such vigor that it issued forth from his nose. "Barack, that woman's appearance is worthy of ridicule. Why would a woman wear such a hairstyle?" And he continued to watch, and the woman met with some of her friends. And her friends did not say unto her what an a** she appeared, but instead complemented her appearance.

Barack spoke to the child "That woman makes herself look as a fool because she does not know better. Her friends think as she does, and so cannot tell that her appearance is foolish. If all people think alike, they will all fall into the same foolish traps. That is why it is important to have many different denominations, so that not all think alike. That is also why it is important that there be others still who do not believe in Uberfaith at all, for as long as they seek to improve humanity they will also contribute to the Essence in ways that we might not. The people who are most likely to spark discord with the Essence are those who claim false gods that are but figments of their imagination, for blind faith leads to blind actions and these can lead to ruin." And the child understood that not all were meant to think the same way, and from that day forth dreamed of a smaller denomination that would seek advice from others and from non-believers so it would not become a laughing stock.

[Guest]

Her friends think as she does, and so cannot tell that her appearance is foolish. If all people think alike, they will all fall into the same foolish traps. That is why it is important to have many different denominations, so that not all think alike. That is also why it is important that there be others still who do not believe in Uberfaith at all, for as long as they seek to improve humanity they will also contribute to the Essence in ways that we might not.

I think that would be a good time to point out that the Essence has chosen these people to be the ones who must guide us in all important decision-making. Just as a man who stares at the sun is partially blinded to all else, those who seek the Essence cannot hope to see the world as clearly as those who seek elsewhere.

[Guest]

...it is important to have many different denominations, so that not all think alike. That is also why it is important that there be others still who do not believe in Uberfaith at all, for as long as they seek to improve humanity they will also contribute to the Essence in ways that we might not. The people who are most likely to spark discord with the Essence are those who claim false gods that are but figments of their imagination, for blind faith leads to blind actions and these can lead to ruin." And the child understood that not all were meant to think the same way, and from that day forth dreamed of a smaller denomination that would seek advice from others and from non-believers so it would not become a laughing stock.

This sounds a lot like UUism only with sub-denominations. Am I losing the plot? Diversification is valuable, but what's the unifying principle? Holy wars against believers in false gods? Anything else? Or is it all on Barack's ubershoulders? (Personality cult?)

I think that would be a good time to point out that the Essence has chosen these people to be the ones who must guide us in all important decision-making. Just as a man who stares at the sun is partially blinded to all else, those who seek the Essence cannot hope to see the world as clearly as those who seek elsewhere.

Seek the light and it shall blind you

Again, I'm beginning to question what keeps the Uberfaith together. If the most exalted decision makers are dis-believers ... ??

[Guest]

This sounds a lot like UUism only with sub-denominations. Am I losing the plot? Diversification is valuable, but what's the unifying principle? Holy wars against believers in false gods? Anything else? Or is it all on Barack's ubershoulders? (Personality cult?)

The idea is we put a few core principles into a central doctrine (this controls the nature of the religion). But we want it to be fractured into denominations so as to promote flexibility, choice and non-corruption. Anything that might need to change with the times (like, say, the finer points of morality) is beyond the scope of the central doctrine and thus falls under denominational control. All the stuff we've been writing in our gospel is part of the core document, so that's fixed.

Seek the light and it shall blind you

Again, I'm beginning to question what keeps the Uberfaith together. If the most exalted decision makers are dis-believers ... ??

Well, you wouldn't want the blind leading the blind, would you?

[plasmid]

Looks like octopuppy covered the unifying principle. It would admittedly be a loose confederation, even more so than the various denominations of Christianity.

While I don't know all that much about UU, one thing that (I think) is different is the disavowment of a god that can speak directly to you and the hand-in-hand sheer vagueness of the Essence. The Essence is admittedly quite a hazy concept, and its inherent haziness can be used to combat silly doctrine. For some reason, no one ever seems to argue with Christians who claim that the Bible supports their views by saying "I'm not questioning the Bible, I'm questioning your interpretation of it." For someone who believes that the Bible is the indisputable word of God, that sounds to me like it would be a more effective argument (or at least more likely to get them to start thinking a bit) than to say "Science disagrees" or "That flies in the face of reason" which they would simply brush off because of their beliefs. If it's well known that the Essence is largely beyond human understanding, then we can make much more frequent and effective use of uncertainty to question doctrine and (one would hope) promote the view that the true nature of the Essence must be consistent with the reality as we see it, and it's much easier and more reliable to use scientific observations to shape our understanding of the Essence than vice-versa.

I think we ought to put that into a parable. And again I don't know to what degree beliefs typically face such scrutiny in UU, so if it is quite allowable for people to say "That belief doesn't seem like it could be right because of X, Y, & Z" and expect to be listened to, then the practical difference might be minimal.

While it might seem quite inane to have Uberfaith run by non-believers, one might counter by questioning whether most religions in the world are in fact run by people who are, if not flat out non-believers, at least making their leadership decisions with more calculating shrewdness than faith in divine guidance. Regardless, one of the theoretical advantages of doing it Uberfaith's way is that you don't have a small oligarchy running the religion, which seems more prone to corruption and whose main concern is promoting its own growth and persistence whether or not it's in the best interest of the community or even the everyday churchgoer. (The best example I can recount of this was when I was a kid being raised as a Jehovah's Witness: they had a policy of discouraging college attendance because it was apparently something that tended to drive people out of the faith. Go figure.) Instead it's run by entire communities whose numbers would preclude corruption and whose goal (one would hope) is to do what's in the best interest of the community. The non-believers would still have a desire to preserve and promote Uberfaith: it's certainly the most amenable religion to them by far, but this would be secondary to pursuing the community's best interests.

[Guest]

Sorry guys, had a suprise inventory at work. It was a LONG weekend. I'll get back on the Revelations interpretations asap.

[unreality]

I fixed a typo in the parable of the walking monks, and also added plasmid's new version of the afterlife parable (though the new one still references eternal life ) and added the denominational parable plasmid just made. I also wrote a new one about the nature of the Essence

On the Denominational System and Imperfection {octopuppy}

And upon visiting the city of Rome, Obama did come upon a place where the wicked and corrupt sought to govern all earth with a pretence of divine right. Upon seeing this, he angered and spake thus: "Know ye not that the gods decree that the pursuit of truth, and the betterment of all mankind is of paramount importance? All human endeavour is imperfect, including the endeavours of the church. In order that we may come to know their will better, the gods have explicitly stated that no one church may know the whole truth. Therefore we must allow denominations to proliferate and find their own methods of governance, as long as they hold true to the core document of our faith which shall be revealed when all this has been written down. Let no denomination persecute another, unless that other is doing something truly naughty according to the laws I shall give unto you". The people did not understand so he called for a volunteer. A woman stepped forward from the crowd and he bid her lie down in a long box. Seizing a nearby saw, he proceeded to saw her in two halves. The people were much concerned and there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, but Obama said "fear not, and observe". Putting the two halves of the box together he then made the woman whole again, and she was unharmed. And Obama said unto the throng "now see that even as this woman can come apart and yet remain one, so may the true church of various gods fracture and yet pursue a single endeavour". And he said unto the woman, "formerly thine name was Bonsheequa, but thou hast been remade and henceforth thou shalt be known as Mercedes who is called Debby" and sent her forth looking a bit confused.

Essay on Afterlife and Living Well {plasmid}

And Obama and his followers did cross the lands on their pilgrimage. And on the day of St. Patrick, they entered into a county which was dry. There was much moaning and wailing, and Obama stood before his followers and instructed them: "It is heinous that we on this night are in a dry county. But weep not; instead go forth and bring me water, the purest that you can find, so it may be blessed for this night." His followers went forth to do as he commanded. Many sought the nearby ocean and returned with brine, but a faithful few journeyed far to a freshwater stream and returned with water most pure. When they all had gathered before the dramaless one, he spoke a benediction, and behold! Those who had with them brine found that it had become Bud Light. On that most holy night they did party and they did get buzzed, albeit on swill, and did suffer under the hangover. But those faithful few who brought back water most pure, behold!, they were blessed with Guiness. And they enjoyed their drink, and were not the least bit groggy the following morning. And Barack spoke: "Listen, before thou art hammered, hear this about the Essence. While its ways are yet beyond the grasp of humanity to understand in full, certain of its aspects may be understood in part. Your actions have far reaching impacts – they influence the Essence itself, and so the Essence influences your existence." The revelers did not understand his words, and asked "Do you mean that we control the Essence?" and "Is the essence controlling our actions?" On hearing this, Obama explained in a simpler way so that they might at least understand how to act "No. Although imprecise, you can imagine something like an eternal life to help you understand how to act. Your actions here in this life will influence your eternal life. Just as with this booze, if you toil and perform great accomplishments like those who brought pure water, your eternal life will rock like this Guiness. If you simply believe in Uberfaith but have no accomplishments like those who brought the nearby brine, then your eternal life will be like mere Bud Light." And although not fully aware of the nature of the Essence, the followers understood at this simple level and cried "Amen" and became wasted.

A follower approached him and asked: "When thou leave us, and we find ourselves among women chopped into many pieces, how shall we know which piece to choose?" And Obama revealed: "This night, you have seen your charge. Go forth, and accomplish great things to harmonize with the Essence. Those which drive you to do so, they are your friends. Those which tell you to relax, they will bring you nothing better than mediocrity. Those which tell you to understand the world, they will bring you great things. Those which mock the wise, they will not enjoy the fruits of those whose efforts they spurn. Those which despise their fellow man, by God above they will be despised, and so they will not get plasma screen TVs in their eternal life but will get 16 inch sets, and they will have to watch the commercials."

Parable of the Afterlife {octopuppy}

A man came to Lord Barack, much distraught, seeking his advice. "Lord Barack", said he, "on this day a friend of mine was robbed in the street. He was attacked by a gang who gave him a good kicking, took all his money and ran off laughing. He died of his injuries, in great pain. He was a good man. Now I feel that this world is without justice. What is the point in being good when life ends up treating you so unfairly?"

Lord Barack smiled and said unto him "Do not despair. The Way of The Essence is to make good all injustice, for injustice is imbalance and the Essence is always in balance. No one can avoid this for this is the Way of Things. Consider this. There was a carton of eggs on a supermarket shelf. The eggs talked amongst themselves and said 'What happens when we are cracked? It will be the end of us!'. Some eggs were plunged into a deep depression by this. They were so gloomy that they turned bad. Others abandoned their morality, and said nasty and uncaring things to the other eggs. These also turned bad. But some eggs enjoyed every moment of their shelf life. They could not see what lay beyond their shells, and chose not to worry about it, and rather make the best of what they had. These remained good. When the box of eggs was purchased and taken home, all the eggs were cracked, but the bad eggs were thrown into the bin, whereas the good eggs went on to make a wonderful omelette. Their good spirits had not been in vain. Their new form of existence as an omelette was something they could not have foreseen, but such is The Way of The Essence."

The Allegory of the Rave: Ethics on Karma and Goodness {unreality}

One day, when the sun struck mightily upon the fields and sweat ran like rivers down men's backs, Lord Barack (wearing a cowl over his face) saw a man standing over his unplanted plot, grinning.

"Ye there!" Lord Barack did exclaim. "What causes thou such excitation as to ignore thy agricultural duties to thy family?"

"I have no such obligations," the man proclaimed. "Look at mine neighbor's plot... he has planted far too much than is necessary. I shall merely take from his plot when the biology is ripe."

"Do you thoust knowest who thou speaketh to?" Lord Barack roared, revealing his visage to the farmer thief.

"I- I- please, do not smite me into the sand, my Lord!" the man cried, for his heart was feasting of fear.

"You have no action from me," Barack told him. "It is the universe that shall punish ye. Can ye not see the Essence, the balance, in everything? Can ye not see the matter and the antimatter, the forward and backward, the transformation of energy, the light and dark, the life and death?"

"These are but quantum matters, my Lord," the farmer smiled, thinking he had foundeth a loophole in the prophet's argument. "My considerations are with the farm, the field, the sun, food, my family."

"Thine macro level is a mere extension," Barack replied quickly. "Cannot you witness the building up of the Essence from level to level? Properties of balance are built into the fabric of the Universe. Can ye not see the elements of antimatter/matter reflected in action/reaction pairs of forces? Can ye not see these forces imbued within the actions of herds and organisms? Can ye not see the recipricocity of thine own Earth?"

"I see it not, my Lord. For that reason I shall steal, for thieves lie in bed with coins and women while farmers toil in sweat and dirt all day for a meager scrap."

"So be it," Barack sighed. "I am late to my rave."

And so the Lord did leave the prospective thief. Before long, the plants poked through the barrier of the Earth and opened their leaves to the sun. The farmer went with a basket late at night to steal his neighbor's crops. However, he didst see bare earth.

"What hath occurred here?" the farmer was shocked.

Lord Barack strolleth by at this moment, returning from His rave, and didst see the situation, with his need-based omniscience.

"Your neighbor hath already pluck all which he had planted," Barack noted. "He planted exactly what he needed, no less, for he was donating to a Hungry Child fund down thine road. Many thankful single mothers lay with him for this. There was even extra in the village square, but no, ye were in thou househould, planning ye dastardly heist. Do you not now see the recipricocity of thine own Universe?"

"I do see it, my Lord. Thank you. Thank you!" the farmer fell to his knees and thanked the Essence, but quickly, aware of the many opportunities to do goodly things. The farmer didst then work hard and plant well and donate to Hungry Child funds and sleep with many a thankful single mother as well.

On the Topic of Worship: the Parable of the Ninja {octopuppy}

There was a ninja training camp which trained ninjas of various religions. But the best and wisest of them all was an Uberfaithist. One day a boastful young trainee ninja stated that they were so badass, they could even take on Chuck Norris. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realised his mistake. All the ninjas fell to their knees and begged their various deities to save them. But the Uberfaithist knew that this was a waste of precious time, and used all his ninja skills to hide himself instead. The sound of praying grew less as one by one voices fell silent. The last few stopped praying and jumped up, ready to fight. But their numbers were few and the battle was a short one. Chuck Norris paused only to shake the blood from his fists, and left. Shaking with fear, the Uberfaithist ninja came out of hiding. He now realised that his prompt action and focus had been the only thing that had saved his life. Now he felt he truly appreciated the power of The Essence, and rejoicing, he fell to his knees and thanked the Essence for his deliverance. At once he was gifted with a revelation about the true nature of the Essence, and without even opening his eyes, he said "You're standing right behind me, aren't you?"

Chuck didn't bother to answer.

Allegory on Purpose, Free Will and the Cyclical Nature of Life {unreality}

A wise monk of the Uberfaith, known only as Master to his disciples and Disciple to his masters, was walking along the top of the narrow Great Stone Quadrangle, a ruin said to be the site of Lord Barack's rave parties. He walked a continous route over the four walls, always going counterclockwise.

An uberneophyte monk came up to the monk after watching his progress for nearly an hour.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the neophyte asked. "You get nowhere."

"Because I can," the monk responded. "It is a form of meditation. I walk to celebrate the infinite, circular journey of Life, a journey which has no end or destination."

"Wasn't it you who said to enjoy life? You're walking without purpose."

"I am enjoying life," said the wise monk. "Everyone celebrates life in a different way. You must respect this facet of Nature. You say I am walking without purpose, but that argument goes to living life as well. The meaning is what we apply to it, not some external forced meaning. The journey is the destination."

"But why do you enjoy life in this specific way?" the neophyte asked, still a little befuddled.

"Because I choose to," the monk responded.

"Choice?" the neophyte was bewildered. "Sorry dude but physics is pretty clear on that... particle motions are based on the previous state of the universe combined with randomness."

The monk just smiled. "The manner of choice is mysterious. What is a choice? A decision based on input. Our brain makes millions of them per second."

"Yes but it's determined by the pre-existing state, and randomness."

"What else would you have it be determined by?" the monk asked.

The neophyte thought about it for a minute.

"Would you have your decisions come about spontaneously and randomly, not connected at all to the previous state of things? The way your brain makes choices is tied intrinsically with the system that is you, therefore it can be said you are choosing."

At that moment, the neophyte was enlightened. "What is it I have just experienced, Master?" he asked, awed by the awesome inexplicable power of the sensation.

"It is the Essence. You are beginning to merge with its flow," the monk said with a slight grin. "The Essence is the real apex of choice. You will learn what that means at an undetermined point in the future."

"I see the truth now, Master," the neophyte - no longer a neophyte - added. "It's so simple."

An hour later, a novice monk entered the Quadrangle after a short biofeedback exercise. She looked around and saw two wise monks walking around the rim of the Quadrangle. Curious, she climbed the ancient stone steps and waited until they came around the bend to her.

"Why do you walk forever in such a route?" the novice asked. "You get nowhere."

On the Worth & Necessity of the Denominational System {plasmid}

Barack sat down to eat lunch at an outdoor table, and a young child recognized him and ran to him saying "Barack! I want to follow you, I want to be in Uberfaith! We can go forth and convert all we see to Uberfaith, we shall sow the seed of a denomination that will outstrip all others and leave no one in doubt!" At this, Barack became uneasy. He saw that there was a beauty parlor across the street, and he said to the young child "Look forth, at that woman leaving the beauty parlor. Do you see her hair?" The child looked and saw a woman with a bouffant most worthy of ridicule, and as he was drinking milk, he did laugh with such vigor that it issued forth from his nose. "Barack, that woman's appearance is worthy of ridicule. Why would a woman wear such a hairstyle?" And he continued to watch, and the woman met with some of her friends. And her friends did not say unto her what an a** she appeared, but instead complemented her appearance.

Barack spoke to the child "That woman makes herself look as a fool because she does not know better. Her friends think as she does, and so cannot tell that her appearance is foolish. If all people think alike, they will all fall into the same foolish traps. That is why it is important to have many different denominations, so that not all think alike. That is also why it is important that there be others still who do not believe in Uberfaith at all, for as long as they seek to improve humanity they will also contribute to the Essence in ways that we might not. The people who are most likely to spark discord with the Essence are those who claim false gods that are but figments of their imagination, for blind faith leads to blind actions and these can lead to ruin." And the child understood that not all were meant to think the same way, and from that day forth dreamed of a smaller denomination that would seek advice from others and from non-believers so it would not become a laughing stock.

Monk Allegory Continued - the Nature of the Essence {unreality}

Three monks were walking around the Great Stone Quadrangle. The first, Master to his disciples and Disciple to his masters, was silent, concentrated on his meditation. The other two monks (they were of lesser enlightenment stature) were quabbling about finer points of Barack's wisdom. Finally they took the matter to Master:

"Master... what is the true nature of the Essence? How can we understand it?"

"The Essence is the essence of the universe," the Master replied, ever cryptic.

"How can we be expected to cope with this uncertainty?" the first monk inquired.

The Master smiled. "This is the true beauty of the Essence... it is like a beautiful diamond. You cannot see all of its facets at the same time. Likewise, the Essence cannot be fully understood by one person. Each person has a different view of the Essence, and by combining these views with our scientific knowledge of the world, we may hope to better understand this mysterious Essence which pervades the universe, soaking everything with many layers of meaning and connection."

"So no one person can have full wisdom on the Way of the Essence?" the second monk asked.

"That is correct. Not even Lord Barack had the full scope, but his sagacity regarding the Essence was much wider than yours or mine."

"What about the nonbelievers???"

"They are perhaps the most important partaker in the Essence," the Monk explained. "Sometimes those who seek something the hardest are the worst at actually finding it. We need someone who can step back and look at the big picture. That's where the nonbelievers come in - they are very esteemed within the Uberfaith, never forget that."

Seeing that his disciples were still a little confused, the Master elaborated on his point: "Have you ever lost something, and deeply wanted to find it?"

They nodded.

"Did you look everywhere, and still not find it?"

They nodded again.

"Then someone with a fresh perspective came along and found it in a minute?"

Again, they nodded, starting to see where he was going.

"Likewise, a fresh perspective - someone who has NOT been searching zealously for the Essence - can be the most clear, at times. Never forget that."

And they never forgot.

We could also attribute certain sayings or aphorism-type things to Lord Barack...

"A narrow-minded slaveowner cracks a whip on a slave who dreams big. The slave is free; the slaveowner is not free."

"Man is responsible for his actions up here in the macro scale. A pushes B off a cliff. The ground did not kill B."

"Always seek the high ground of peace within your mind... but do not be afraid to swim in possibility."

"Fate did not bring you here - coincidence brought you here. The Essence brought you here."

"Remember what has brought you to Uberfaith, for it is the Truth. Always question your beliefs and, with a change of mind, change your denomination."

etc

[plasmid]

Were we not gonna keep afterlife / eternal life around even as a dumbed-down explanation of how the Essence works and why we're supposed to be good, including a warning that it's only an approximation of how things really work in case scientists figure out consciousness and prove there's no afterlife? If I were one of the masses and you were trying to push a religion on me that didn't have an afterlife, I'd be like "Hey, dude, where's the afterlife? This is a religion, right? C'mon, I'm a mass, appease me! I don't wanna bust my hump for an unfair world and then get screwed in the end."

[Guest]

lol, what blaspheme is this? how do you guys actually have time to write this stuff?

[Guest]

Were we not gonna keep afterlife / eternal life around even as a dumbed-down explanation of how the Essence works and why we're supposed to be good, including a warning that it's only an approximation of how things really work in case scientists figure out consciousness and prove there's no afterlife? If I were one of the masses and you were trying to push a religion on me that didn't have an afterlife, I'd be like "Hey, dude, where's the afterlife? This is a religion, right? C'mon, I'm a mass, appease me! I don't wanna bust my hump for an unfair world and then get screwed in the end."

Personally I couldn't see how we could make any definite promises without shooting ourselves in the foot (hence the parable of the eggs), though maybe we could rely on denominations to do that and then let them die off when proved to be wrong. Even so, it's a problem. Looking at Uberfaith as a whole it's a lot more viable if we could come out and say "Yes you get your afterlife, with free beer (or champagne if you lived well), and the heathen shall go to hell". But I can't see how that works for the long term betterment of mankind. This is the clearest case of our mandate to be useful conflicting with the necessity to be successful. Other religions don't have that difficulty, but that is our cross to bear . Ultimately I think the mandate to be useful must take priority, otherwise we're just another religion. Maybe we could come up with a semi-apocryphal addendum to our gospel that makes all these promises and also tells us that the end of the world will happen in the year 2040. Then Uberfaith can be divided into two halves, one of which believes the additional part and one of which doesn't. The former will pwn all other religions, then in the year 2041 it will be completely discredited and the latter will take supremacy, leaving the world with only a benign religion. It's a delicate piece of surgery but it just might work (though the year 2040 might get a bit messy with all the panic and looting).

EDIT: What was I thinking? We don't have to predict the end of the world. Any prophesy will do, as long as it's specific and we can be reasonably sure it won't happen. Let's just say friendly aliens will make a public appearance (at a specified time and place) and give us the ultimate secret of the Essence. That's actually better because people will be disappointed when it doesn't happen, and that means Uberfaith I will get it in the neck even more.

The other key selling point we had to sacrifice was of course the "God loves you" one. I think we can get past that by stressing that the Essence is what love is all about. And having attractive female evangelists who give hugs to lonely potential male converts ("Are you feeling the Essence now?"). Admittedly potential female converts can be a bit more complicated.

[plasmid]

The whole "something akin to afterlife" thing is not just an attraction to win converts, it's also the biggest thing we have to drive people to be good and productive members of society. The egg parable is an attempt to get the morality message across, but the argument that you can contribute to something great by being good and faithful would likely ring hollow with most people if they know that they're not going to be able to appreciate the fruits of their work in any way. If you tell the masses that their reward for being noble and altruistic is that they get to harmonize with the Essence, and harmonization is something that they experience in this lifetime rather than in an afterlife or some other sort of existence or consciousness, then people would be able to say "I've been good and supposedly harmonized with the Essence, but I don't feel any different. I think I've been played for a chump. Screw this, I'm gonna go ahead and be evil and enjoy my ill-gotten loot." The karma concepts that we were kicking around earlier (saying that the universe is just built in such a way that good and productive people get rewarded while the blasphemous and evil suffer) wouldn't hold water with someone who perceives that the world is unjust, unless there were something beyond the current life.

Allowing people to believe in some sort of afterlife or another state of consciousness or something, but telling them outright that it's only an approximation of reality that's useful for guiding your actions (so it's still technically true), still seems to me like the best alternative so far. I don't think we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot too much with it: yes it's deceitful, and would probably cause resistance when people figure out how consciousness works (hopefully not much since everyone knows it's only an approximation; the dogma would be designed to adapt), but that doesn't really seem like a very big price to pay. It's still deceitful and should be avoided if possible, but how else do we convince people to be good when it's not in their own self interest?

The other key selling point we had to sacrifice was of course the "God loves you" one. I think we can get past that by stressing that the Essence is what love is all about. And having attractive female evangelists who give hugs to lonely potential male converts ("Are you feeling the Essence now?"). Admittedly potential female converts can be a bit more complicated.

You're worried about being able to win female converts? Have you forgotten that I'm in on this?

Hey, what're you laughing at??!??!

[Guest]

The whole "something akin to afterlife" thing is not just an attraction to win converts, it's also the biggest thing we have to drive people to be good and productive members of society. The egg parable is an attempt to get the morality message across, but the argument that you can contribute to something great by being good and faithful would likely ring hollow with most people if they know that they're not going to be able to appreciate the fruits of their work in any way. If you tell the masses that their reward for being noble and altruistic is that they get to harmonize with the Essence, and harmonization is something that they experience in this lifetime rather than in an afterlife or some other sort of existence or consciousness, then people would be able to say "I've been good and supposedly harmonized with the Essence, but I don't feel any different. I think I've been played for a chump. Screw this, I'm gonna go ahead and be evil and enjoy my ill-gotten loot." The karma concepts that we were kicking around earlier (saying that the universe is just built in such a way that good and productive people get rewarded while the blasphemous and evil suffer) wouldn't hold water with someone who perceives that the world is unjust, unless there were something beyond the current life.

Well, call me an idealistic fool but I think we would be acheiving something far better if we could encourage people to see the good in their own lives, and see it as a result of their own goodness. It's largely a matter of perspective, if you perceive the world to be unjust you're perceiving it wrong. The world tends to be a pretty just place on the whole. Bad people don't have good lives. If you focus on the importance of mutual love and respect, this is something which you can only attain by being a good person. So it all works out in the end. Your situation might not reflect how good you are, but if you can see the best in whatever situation you have, you will get the best from it. That probably sounds like BS if you're dying from cancer. But the afterlife is only a strong selling point if you can make a clear promise about it. If you're vague, I don't think it has the power to motivate. That's why I don't think we'd benefit much from having it determined by denominations, people wouldn't buy it.

Allowing people to believe in some sort of afterlife or another state of consciousness or something, but telling them outright that it's only an approximation of reality that's useful for guiding your actions (so it's still technically true), still seems to me like the best alternative so far. I don't think we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot too much with it: yes it's deceitful, and would probably cause resistance when people figure out how consciousness works (hopefully not much since everyone knows it's only an approximation; the dogma would be designed to adapt), but that doesn't really seem like a very big price to pay. It's still deceitful and should be avoided if possible, but how else do we convince people to be good when it's not in their own self interest?

OK lets see how we can modify the message. We could say that we are all part of the Essence and our identity is a passing thing, imprinted on our loved ones and our actions. But when we die we dissipate into a beautiful happy vague bliss where our identity disappears but it doesn't matter, because all our Essence carries on and retains all the beauty it attained when it was us. How's that sound?

You're worried about being able to win female converts? Have you forgotten that I'm in on this?

According to your photo you are a cat, and that's good. With a cat and a puppy on the team we should have the female converts covered.