[Guest]

I was thinking about some of the discussions we,ve had on here.

Break ups, etc...

So what really turns you off of a person?

I will assume that stupidity and bigotry are a given.

We all like a sense of humor too.

But what else?

For me it is bad teeth and poor table manners.

If you cant hold your knife and fork correctly then game over!

[Guest]

Hey fellas, I hate to put a damper on your love affair, but in my experience long-distance relationships never work out.

Amen to that.

My first girlfriend had something (I think spinach?) stuck in her teeth when I asked her out.. For some reason it didn't bother me.

Looks aside, one of my main big things I look for in a girl is some sort of creative outlet.

Music, painting, acting, writing, I don't care what. But the one thing I can't stand is a lack of creativity.

Hate to break it to everyone here, but I am most definitely the jealous type...

I mean, honestly, just watching my girlfriend talking to another guy irks me in some way..

This is pretty much the main reason I have not asked out this girl in my class that most definitely likes me.

I mean, without trust, what's left in a relationship? There can be nothing without it.

So until I find some way to just.. I dunno, get over it, I don't want to put myself in another unsuccesful relationship..

actually, it wouldn't be a problem with this girl, because she never seems to talk to any other guys anyway

[Yoruichi-san]

I don't believe in jealousy...I think that if you truly love someone you want them to be happy no matter what, even if its not with you...so I see being jealous as being possessive of something you think belongs to you, not loving someone...

But, on a different kind of "shallow" (I guess you could call it), I think the do or die thing for me is intelligence. I'm serious. I don't like being around people who I feel like can't keep up with me. I don't like gossip or talking about cars or movies or whatever, I like to discuss philosophy and game theory and psychology, applying concepts I've learned from my math/science background, and I like to share my ideas for stories. I need a guy who can not only keep up with me but can contribute constructively. I can't stand guys who only want to talk about their cars or sports or weigh-lifting. I can't stand guys who don't like to think ;P.

[Guest]

well, I believe my jealousy stems from insecurity. I feel that if the girl I happen to be with is talking to some other guy, I get this feeling like I have to compete with him. Immature, and silly, I know, but I just can't help it.

But every time an ex of mine has started to go out with another guy, I always do hope that their relationship will work better than ours had. Because, like you said, I want them to be happy no matter what. Even if it's not with me.

[Yoruichi-san]

well, I believe my jealousy stems from insecurity. I feel that if the girl I happen to be with is talking to some other guy, I get this feeling like I have to compete with him. Immature, and silly, I know, but I just can't help it.

But every time an ex of mine has started to go out with another guy, I always do hope that their relationship will work better than ours had. Because, like you said, I want them to be happy no matter what. Even if it's not with me.

That's good (about your ex's).

But if a person is jealous because insecure about losing something, then to me that says they put themselves and their desire to keep that thing, i.e. possessiveness, first, and are not thinking about what is best for that thing. If that thing is a person, then that means that that they don't care about that person's happiness, which I would say means they don't love that person.

[Guest]

That's good (about your ex's).

But if a person is jealous because insecure about losing something, then to me that says they put themselves and their desire to keep that thing, i.e. possessiveness, first, and are not thinking about what is best for that thing. If that thing is a person, then that means that that they don't care about that person's happiness, which I would say means they don't love that person.

okay we are off turn offs topic but to put it into my perspective.. I had broke up with my wife for her value of freedom though it would have been more agreeable for me to do/change anything for us to stay together. Big void in my life and loads'n'loads of emotions (two lovely kids i cld not be with every day). Anyway I lived to tell the tale and the outcome is that you have to let go or it becomes you that are the prisoner, and prision keeper at the same time. Not saying let it all go too easily, but don't waste too much time, if you are seriously considering it at a lower level of the relationship then sort it out or move on.

[Guest]

A lot of those are good turn-offs, but my NUMBER 1 turnoff is a closed mind. If you're not willing to try to things (eat foreign food; experience different cultures; enjoy my strange friends) then you're out the door, with it hitting your backside on you're way out.

But I also hate clingy, jealous, needy guys.

I don't trust guys that have more girl-friends than guy-friends. Based on bad experiences. That, and my type is a guys guy.

[Yoruichi-san]

A lot of those are good turn-offs, but my NUMBER 1 turnoff is a closed mind. If you're not willing to try to things (eat foreign food; experience different cultures; enjoy my strange friends) then you're out the door, with it hitting your backside on you're way out.

But I also hate clingy, jealous, needy guys.

I don't trust guys that have more girl-friends than guy-friends. Based on bad experiences. That, and my type is a guys guy.

Lol...well I've always had more guy friends than gal friends...what does that say about me?

I agree close minded guys are annoying. I find close-mindedness is usually a symptom of being ignorant and not being willing to admit it...

Another turn-off for me: cowardness. If something's worth it, you should be willing to take a risk to get it. That is especially true when it comes to a person you like and want to have a relationship with...I hate when guys try to "test the waters", I need the guy to be straightforward. I <3 Rail Tracer! ;P

[Guest]

Lol...well I've always had more guy friends than gal friends...what does that say about me?

I don't know what it says about you. I'm the same way, but at the same time have girlfriends as well. The opposite bothers me as well though. A girl that hates other girls and has no girlfriends seems close-minded as well.

[Yoruichi-san]

I don't know what it says about you. I'm the same way, but at the same time have girlfriends as well. The opposite bothers me as well though. A girl that hates other girls and has no girlfriends seems close-minded as well.

I know what you mean...there are the type of girls who can't be around anyone they think is "competition"...

But I just have more in common with guys...I like playing games and solving puzzles and talking about ideas and stuff ;P, not talking about who's dating who or makeup or going shopping (I know, *gasp* )

[Guest]

OK here is a good one. Know it alls and those who monopolize a conversation.

I loath being lectured to.

I like two people to learn from each other and both contribute to the conversation.

[Guest]

OK here is a good one. Know it alls and those who monopolize a conversation.

I loath being lectured to.

I like two people to learn from each other and both contribute to the conversation.

here here!

Also...people who play the victim: "poor me! everyone should cater to me because my life is hard! and I shouldn't have to take any responsibilty for my actions because [insert pathetic excuse here]!"

[Yoruichi-san]

here here!

Also...people who play the victim: "poor me! everyone should cater to me because my life is hard! and I shouldn't have to take any responsibilty for my actions because [insert pathetic excuse here]!"

On the other end of the spectrum, ppl who aren't willing to give others the benefit of a doubt, ppl who aren't willing to accept others have different strengths and weaknesses and have different things going on in their life:

(An extreme example ) Ppl who aren't willing to believe others may have a good reason for letting them down, i.e. not going to their play because they were busy trying to save the city...

[Guest]

I probably have the most extreme.... potential girlfriend filter (I don't know what to call it) out of everyone I've ever known.

I'm 17 and so far, I haven't met a girl I'm willing to date. seriously. I mean, believe me, I've had plenty of opportunities to... (wow that sounds conceited)

but no one has seemed right enough to put all that time and energy into a relationship (I'm a very lazy person)

I guess you can call me old fashioned, I'm looking for the one im going spend the rest of my life with and no less.

and while trying to find such a person, I've set some basic criteria:

* they can't be a complete idiot (which in my experience is about 99% of the planet)

* we have to have common things we like (otherwise we'll never want to spend any real time together)

* we can't have too many things in common (believe me, I've met someone who'd pass as an exact girl version of me.... it's.... interesting)

* she will, if not at first, at least eventually have the same Christian beliefs as me

(I can't spend a lifetime loving someone with the constant thought of losing them for eternity looming in the back of my mind)

* I also need someone whose personality compliments mine (my strengths cover her weaknesses and her srengths cover my weaknesses)

(I mean, anyone will tell you I'm pretty much borderline psycotic [but who isn't these days] and I need a woman who is strong enough to keep me in

the real world when my head's in the clouds, and occasionally be soaring in the clouds right up there with me....)

* Lastly, (why not throw in something shallow?) they can't be too ugly. (the fact is, if you can't stand looking at 'em you won't last living

with 'em)

[unless you're ugly, too]

basically, unless they're perfect for me, I won't be able to deal with all the crap women pull to mess with us guys' minds.

[ don't lie ladies- you know who you are ]

[Guest]

I probably have the most extreme.... potential girlfriend filter (I don't know what to call it) out of everyone I've ever known.

Wow, I think that is very wise and honorable of you. I wish I would have been that wise at 17...I would have saved myself a lot of grief from having dated so many Mr. Wrongs. Finally, when I was 24, after I broke off an engagement with a Mr. Wrong #42 I realized that I wasn't doing a very good job of picking quality men. So prayed about it, then I sat down and wrote a list of criteria quite similar to yours. The first sentence was key: "Without compromise, my husband should..." I stuck to my guns and every time I began to find interest in a guy, or he in me, I would quickly skim my list to realize that he didn't meet one or more of the criteria. I said "Without Compromise" and I meant "Without Compromise!" So when I met my husband and he was every "..." on the list, I was secure in my decision to be with him...I knew that he was "The One!"

WITHOUT COMPROMISE, MY HUSBAND SHOULD…

…be a born-again Christian with a zeal for serving the Lord

…treat me with dignity and respect, build me up and encourage me

…love my family and be accepted by my family

…be honest and trustworthy

…be hardworking and motivated with an excellent work ethic

…regard his body as a temple; no drunkenness, smoking, gluttony, etc

…be willing to listen to me and consider my thoughts and feelings

…be willing to admit when he's wrong and not hold my past wrongs against me

…take responsibility for his own actions; not passing blame or making excuses

…control his finances responsibly; including no or very little debt

…agree wholeheartedly that it is my duty to stay at home and raise our children

…possess a good sense of humor; be lighthearted, fun, and sociable

…be compassionate and lacking prejudice

…be intelligent

…fervently believe that divorce is not an option and that marriage literally means "until death do us part

…expect all of the above from me

[Guest]

woo hoo! (fellow born again christian)

[Guest]

obviously it DIDN'T work out because you're not still together.

Hahahahahahaha!!!! did i say we broke up?

No, just not as active as before... i kinda like it this way, i mean the person getting to know your personality before seeing you. She has seen me though, crazy in love with me... although i am not that crazy in love with her.... just a walk through moment for me.

[Guest]

Wow, I think that is very wise and honorable of you. I wish I would have been that wise at 17...I would have saved myself a lot of grief from having dated so many Mr. Wrongs.

I find though that dating Mr. Wrongs makes you really appreciate Mr. Right when you finally find him. That, and some of the Mr. Wrongs could have been Mr. Right-Nows. What I'm saying is, Marinja, you're young. Have fun. You don't have to date someone you're going to marry, just casually date. Some people who you might think are really stupid are actually smart if you spend more than 30 seconds talking to them. I personally suck at first impressions, but in my world, I'm a cool person. Nobody is perfect, but finding someone who can put up with your imperfections and you can put up with theirs is an important start. Being toooo picky will likely make you end up alone or disappointed with someone that's short of perfection.

[Guest]

I find though that dating Mr. Wrongs makes you really appreciate Mr. Right when you finally find him. That, and some of the Mr. Wrongs could have been Mr. Right-Nows. What I'm saying is, Marinja, you're young. Have fun. You don't have to date someone you're going to marry, just casually date. Some people who you might think are really stupid are actually smart if you spend more than 30 seconds talking to them. I personally suck at first impressions, but in my world, I'm a cool person. Nobody is perfect, but finding someone who can put up with your imperfections and you can put up with theirs is an important start. Being toooo picky will likely make you end up alone or disappointed with someone that's short of perfection.

Amen to that.

I almost made the mistake of getting married at 20...so glad I figured out I was being cheated on!

[Guest]

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, I asked out the girl I mentioned previously, she said yes.

But I realised that throughout the day, there have been lots of guys showing her some sign of affection or friendship, and she returned all of them.

Yet I wasn't the least bit jealous at all

Of course, this might not mean anything, and it's too soon to see if my jealousy plague has been cured.

But oh well, it's a start

[Guest]

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, I asked out the girl I mentioned previously, she said yes.

But I realised that throughout the day, there have been lots of guys showing her some sign of affection or friendship, and she returned all of them.

Yet I wasn't the least bit jealous at all

Of course, this might not mean anything, and it's too soon to see if my jealousy plague has been cured.

But oh well, it's a start

Good job Ploper, but, in all honesty, I wouldn't worry too much about relationships at 13. You have your whole life ahead of you to date, and experience life to its fullest.

And another Turn off that i realized I had last night....

- when on the phone, the girl breathes heavily into the mouth piece or coughs into ti etc...talk about annoying and rude....

[Guest]

Another turn-off of mine is those people who share TOO much TOO soon. I mean, I appreciate openness and intimate discussions, but not when someone offers very personal and (what should be) sensitive information without the conversation soliciting such a response.

Does that make any sense?

[Guest]

Another turn-off of mine is those people who share TOO much TOO soon. I mean, I appreciate openness and intimate discussions, but not when someone offers very personal and (what should be) sensitive information without the conversation soliciting such a response.

Does that make any sense?

Oh yes, nothing like an oh yeah I have OCD and MPD and AD...ooh look a penny...oh yeah and if we go back to my place I just want you to know you'll be lucky number 24 for me.....

[Guest]

Oh yes, nothing like an oh yeah I have OCD and MPD and AD...ooh look a penny...oh yeah and if we go back to my place I just want you to know you'll be lucky number 24 for me.....

Exactly. I also don't think I could date a guy who's afraid of bugs. I mean, c'mon, Man-up!

[Guest]

Exactly. I also don't think I could date a guy who's afraid of bugs. I mean, c'mon, Man-up!

Man, my one major fear.

[Guest]

Man, my one major fear.

Well, I guess we'll never be an item. Sorry, Ploper, I know you're disappointed, but after all I am nearly 3X your age.