Anti-Female Joke (Don't read if you are easily offended: i.e. You don't have a sense of humor)
There was once a man who died at the same time as his wife. They both stood at the pearly gates to Heaven together, only blocked by the gatekeeper angel. He coughed importantly, and started his job. "Now. Please say your name and how you died, sir." Said the gatekeeper. "Harry Leowitz, gatekeeper. I drove off of a cliff, sending me crashing to my doom!" "Oooooh...." The gatekeeper scolded, clicking his tongue. "I'm afraid that those who commit suicide aren't welcome within out gates. I'm sorry, but you must go to hell." The distraught Harry moaned as he looked at a rather sizable, charred hole in the clouds next to him. The gatekeeper coughed again and continued his job. "Now, Ma'am your name, and how you died, please. "Well, gatekeeper, my name's Sarah Leowitz, and I was in the car when my husband drove off the cliff, sending me crashing off to our doom!" The gatekeeper's eyebrows raised, and he askied quickly, "So, you were IN the car? WITH your husband?" The woman nodded confusedly. The angel shouted quickly, "Hold on, Harry! Don't jump just yet!" The gatekeeper then turned on Sarah, and clicked his tongue severely. "Now, now, now! Murdering your own husband! I'm afraid that you aren't welcome into heaven." The woman spluttered angrily. "WHAT?! What do you mean?! Of course I didn't murder him! Why would I murder him?! That's just ridiculous! You're not qualified to guard a gate made of vienna sausages! How DARE you suggest that I-" The angel gatekeeper massaged his aching head. "This is exactly what I was talking about! You've already nagged your husband and yourself to death, and now you're trying to start on ME!"
Anti-Male Joke (See Above Disclaimer)
The beginning of time had passed, and God had already created Adam and Eve. Now, it came to pass that God decided that, since Adam and eve had been very had good so far he would grant them something extra. So, God descended from heaven one day holding a large box. God said, "YOU HAVE OBEYED ME WELL, AND HAVE MADE ME HAPPY. THEREFORE, I WILL GIVE YOU BOTH A CHOICE TO PICK ONE THING FROM THIS BOX TO TAKE AS YOUR OWN. ADAM, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIRST?" Adam, elated that he got to choose first, searched the box until he stumbled onto a strange object. "God, what is this?" A confused Adam asked. "THAT IS A wenis. THAT ALLOWS YOU TO URINATE STANDING UP." Adam thought for only a second before taking his prize. "Whee! Look at me, Eve!" Adam said as he tested out his new gift, having a good time all around. Eve, disheartened that she didn't get such a convenient prize, half-heartedly searched the box, certain that she wouldn't get anything as good as what Adam got. Suddenly, Eve stumbled upon another strange object. "God, what is this?" Eve asked. "THAT," God said, "IS CALLED A BRAIN."
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Anti-Female Joke (Don't read if you are easily offended: i.e. You don't have a sense of humor)
There was once a man who died at the same time as his wife. They both stood at the pearly gates to Heaven together, only blocked by the gatekeeper angel. He coughed importantly, and started his job. "Now. Please say your name and how you died, sir." Said the gatekeeper. "Harry Leowitz, gatekeeper. I drove off of a cliff, sending me crashing to my doom!" "Oooooh...." The gatekeeper scolded, clicking his tongue. "I'm afraid that those who commit suicide aren't welcome within out gates. I'm sorry, but you must go to hell." The distraught Harry moaned as he looked at a rather sizable, charred hole in the clouds next to him. The gatekeeper coughed again and continued his job. "Now, Ma'am your name, and how you died, please. "Well, gatekeeper, my name's Sarah Leowitz, and I was in the car when my husband drove off the cliff, sending me crashing off to our doom!" The gatekeeper's eyebrows raised, and he askied quickly, "So, you were IN the car? WITH your husband?" The woman nodded confusedly. The angel shouted quickly, "Hold on, Harry! Don't jump just yet!" The gatekeeper then turned on Sarah, and clicked his tongue severely. "Now, now, now! Murdering your own husband! I'm afraid that you aren't welcome into heaven." The woman spluttered angrily. "WHAT?! What do you mean?! Of course I didn't murder him! Why would I murder him?! That's just ridiculous! You're not qualified to guard a gate made of vienna sausages! How DARE you suggest that I-" The angel gatekeeper massaged his aching head. "This is exactly what I was talking about! You've already nagged your husband and yourself to death, and now you're trying to start on ME!"
Anti-Male Joke (See Above Disclaimer)
The beginning of time had passed, and God had already created Adam and Eve. Now, it came to pass that God decided that, since Adam and eve had been very had good so far he would grant them something extra. So, God descended from heaven one day holding a large box. God said, "YOU HAVE OBEYED ME WELL, AND HAVE MADE ME HAPPY. THEREFORE, I WILL GIVE YOU BOTH A CHOICE TO PICK ONE THING FROM THIS BOX TO TAKE AS YOUR OWN. ADAM, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIRST?" Adam, elated that he got to choose first, searched the box until he stumbled onto a strange object. "God, what is this?" A confused Adam asked. "THAT IS A wenis. THAT ALLOWS YOU TO URINATE STANDING UP." Adam thought for only a second before taking his prize. "Whee! Look at me, Eve!" Adam said as he tested out his new gift, having a good time all around. Eve, disheartened that she didn't get such a convenient prize, half-heartedly searched the box, certain that she wouldn't get anything as good as what Adam got. Suddenly, Eve stumbled upon another strange object. "God, what is this?" Eve asked. "THAT," God said, "IS CALLED A BRAIN."
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