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Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where your house can burn up as it burns down, where you fill in a form by filling it out, and where an alarm goes off by going on.

In English it is best never to take 'YES' for an answer.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example ... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English: (read aloud for best results)

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Sorry it's so long!. I found it a few years ago.

McDonalds in Tokyo is a terrible revenge for Pearl Harbor.

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What about pronunciations and silent alpabets?

"Knife" being pronounced as "Nife"

"Knight" as "Night"

"hour" as "our" ?

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Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
I grew up speaking English, and you're right -- it's totally nuts.

That's because English is a mixture of a variety of languages, most notably Latin and Greek, besides its Anglo-Saxon roots.

What about pronunciations and silent alphabets?
I think you mean silent LETTERS. An alphabet is a set of letters/characters/symbols/hieroglyphs/etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to be picky.

Also, where I live the term 'highway' is used instead of 'parkway'.

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English is nothing more than Norman soldiers trying to pick up Saxon wenches at ye olde pub back in the 11th century.

it's so weird, how can the word "little" be twice as big as the word "big."

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