Yeah someone sent them to me. Thought I'd post them for a change

They lived happily until they got married.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!!

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?" "Yes if you're lucky."

"Has there been any insanity in your family?" "Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" "I couldn't lift the table."

"My wife doesn't know what she wants." "You're lucky. My wife does."

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?" "What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.

An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.

Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Every man/woman should marry - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

When two's company, three's the result!

My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents; Accidents in backseats cause children!

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best? She answers: My husband's cheque book.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter what u call him, he ain't gonna come.

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

Mercedes Benz: A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

My girlfriend always laughs during s*x - no matter what she's reading.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

he needs to take fruits/vegs starting with H,C and E.

How about: huckleberries Cherries, eggplant?

a strainer

ok it think my previous ans was technically wrong.

If i had to hold a strainer under water, then the water would be around and in it...

so it would be filled right?

a strainer

Silence

horse and rider...

although they still have 6 legs, even though the rider isn't using his... <_<

I am not your father, but you are my child.

My job requires that I travel.

I’m the reason for the weight on your shoulders.

I can cause tension, or I can relieve it by applying pressure.

If you walk in the light, there is only me.

If you walk in the shadows, I will free you.

Hope it's not too easy!

Note: It's not a religious figure.

ok since it's not gravity...

1. the earth

or

2. light

How does a shadow fly? Flying means to be in air. Shadow is always stuck on something.

true... i'm sure that it's the ans the OP is looking for though.

maybe he can clear it up...

a blind fold?

w1.

days of the week with alternating 1s and 2s between them

Shadow. You do see shadows when it rains though...

Snap, Craackle and Pop.

Kellogg's Rice Krispies

what do we need to do here exactly? do we need to guess the next number in the sequence?

please explain JH J

no dont do that. Its just that I heard this one before...

keep 'em coming

I'll help.

the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, herein, therein

looks like i'm gonna have to share the points again...

4100??? looks like i've been doing addition wrong all these years

Thanks Scraff.

that makes sense now

Therein

Well if you're a liar, then the information about a ball in your hand is incorrect, and it would be hard to know what to ask.

If I were to ask you if the ball is red, would you say yes?

If your answer is yes, the ball is red. White if you say no.

Sorry I dont get this one. is Bonanova's ans the correct one? If so, could someone please explain?

thanks,

suicide.

i wonder if there are any other correct ans to this one? <_<

A mouse pointer?

<_<

[spoiler='i'll go with the others here...

']a race horse

no he didn't, he said "What" its an answer, but if he said "What?" with (?) it mean he want to know where is question. am i right?.......maybe!

ok i'll shares the points on this one

PARIS