[Guest]

here is my george wash. essay. It has a long way to go, so please critsize freely, as it needs it.

The Presidency of George Washington

As most Americans know, George Washington was the first president of the United States. Most citizens remember him as the untouchable, silent, dignified leader of our country. The president I am about to depict for you, I will describe in such a way that shows him as the American ledged he is most remembered as, a perfect role model of leadership. George Washington was always quiet and unassuming. He never asked for greatness, but it seemed that it came to him naturally. He didn’t ask to become president, nor did he wish to take it upon himself. But our founding fathers saw George Washington as their ray of hope to revive their failing brainchild. They knew George was the best thing they could do for our budding nation. George Washington’s strong leadership skills, sharp mind, and big heart proved himself the right man for the job.

George Washington’s inauguration was a stunning site. It was located in New York City. His entrance to the city was a triumphal procession. He was greeted by salutes and escorted by officials and important people. Everyone wanted to have a look at the country’s new leader.

While in office, George Washington joined the states together, and helped establish a federal government. He also made two major accomplishments. He helped keep the young country out of the French and British war when he issued the proclamation of neutrality. He also did not allow a strict Constitution interpretation, as the early citizens wanted, which left the laws of our country open to change. Those two decisions were good examples of George Washington’s wise choices for our nation.

George Washington was not a one-man raft. He had a wife as wonderful and noble as himself. Her name was Martha Washington, the first, first lady ever to walk the earth! She performed humble tasks, and never acted haughty or rude. She never took advantage of her office as an excuse not to due housework or cook. She always supported her husband, and tried to make him happy and keep him safe. She was a good role model for the women in the new country.

George Washington had an efficient cabinet of respectable men to advise him, and help him run the country. His cabinet was well chosen, and included some of the most distinguished men of the new world. His cabinet contained 12 men, including Thomas Jefferson and John Addams. At times, the men of his cabinet argued and disagreed. But George Washington always kept them in check.

George Washington had a surprising preference for simplicity, unlike the majority of rulers at that time. George Washington disliked fancy clothing, ruffles and useless finery; because he felt they were a waste of the country’s resources. He never spent the nation’s money on himself. This is a fine example of George Washington’s unselfish character.

George Washington was very successful as a president. He could attribute this to his honest, hard work and dedication to patriotism. When he failed, he got back on his feet quickly and learned not to make the same mistake twice. His abilities to do so made him a wonderful president. He was always ready to do whatever was best for the country. He is an amazing role model for all Americans. George Washington, I salute you!

[Guest]

I liked it! A few grammatical/spelling errors that could be worked out, and maybe a stronger/clearer thesis statement (I’m assuming this is a five-paragraph essay), but that’s it. Definitely warrants an A.

[Guest]

WOW! I didn't know people would like it that much! I think it still needs a little work. It was supposed to be a one-page paper, which explains why it is so short.

[Guest]

It's fairly well written, but I have a couple of tips/suggestions for improvement.

1. After you write George Washington in your first sentence, you can just refer to him as "Washington" in your writing. The exception to this during your paper is when you mention his wife Martha. The next time you reference him you'll need to use George Washington again to avoid subject confusion.

2. I like the personal tone, it definitely resonates with the reader. It's especially evident in the conclusion that you want to be writing about this (or are at least very good at faking it).

3. There are some fallacies in the writing though. For instance, the Federal Government was instituted by the Continental Congress, and while he technically presided over the Congress, he was fairly laissez-faire in his role, and the main proponents of what became the American Constitution--and the Federal Government--were Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay, authors of the Federalist Papers. Thomas Jefferson and John Addams also had far greater roles in the creation of the country than Washington. So in this instance, you really can't say that George Washington "joined the states together," because, well, he didn't; he was merely the best man among them, not the best statesman. And the strict interpretation of the Constitution isn't like a law that Washington passed, or anything. He believed in open interpretation for sure, but the Constitution has always been ultimately and definitively interpreted by the Judicial branch, for only the Supreme Court can declare what is Constitutional and what is not.

4. A little bit of grammatical and spelling errors, but overall you use excellent diction. It's good to see the varying vocabulary.

It's a pretty good paper, just shore up your facts and grammar and it'll be good to go.

[Guest]

Thank you for the great feedback! I can tell you really spent a lot of time trying to help me!

Okay. Here is my revised draft.

The Presidency of George Washington

As most Americans know, George Washington was the first president of the United States. Most citizens remember him as the untouchable, silent, dignified leader of our country. The president I am about to depict for you, I will describe in such a way that shows him as the American ledged he is most remembered as, a perfect role model of leadership. Washington was always quiet and unassuming. He never asked for greatness, but it seemed that it came to him naturally. He didn’t ask to become president, nor did he wish to take it upon himself. But our founding fathers saw Washington as their ray of hope to revive their failing brainchild. They knew Washington was the best thing they could do for our budding nation. Washington’s strong leadership skills, sharp mind, and big heart proved him the right man for the job.

Washington’s inauguration was a stunning site. It was located in New York City. His entrance to the city was a triumphal procession. He was greeted by salutes and escorted by officials and important people. Everyone wanted to have a look at the country’s new leader.

While in office, Washington was not the strongest statesman. But he was supported by a fabulous cabinet of men. His cabinet was well chosen, and included some of the most distinguished men of the new world. His cabinet contained 12 men, including Thomas Jefferson and John Addams. At times, the men of his cabinet argued and disagreed. But Washington always kept them in check.

George Washington never went through life alone. He had a wife as wonderful and noble as himself. Her name was Martha Washington. She performed humble tasks, and never acted haughty or rude. She never took advantage of her office as an excuse not to due housework or cook. She always supported her husband, and tried to make him happy and keep him safe. She was a good role model for the women in the new country.

George Washington had a surprising preference for simplicity, unlike the majority of rulers at that time. George Washington disliked fancy clothing, ruffles and useless finery; because he felt they were a waste of the country’s resources. He never spent the nation’s money on himself. This is a fine example of George Washington’s unselfish character.

George Washington was very successful as a president. He could attribute this to his honest, hard work and dedication to patriotism. When he failed, he got back on his feet quickly and learned not to make the same mistake twice. His abilities to do so made him a wonderful president. He was always ready to do whatever was best for the country. He is an amazing role model for all Americans. George Washington, I salute you!

Any feedback?

[Guest]

Ignore above essay. Here is my REAL second draft. I posted the last one before I was ready.

The Presidency of George Washington

As most Americans know, George Washington was the first president of the United States. Most citizens remember him as the untouchable, silent, dignified leader of our country. I will describe Washington’s presidency in the way it is best remembered as, a legend of leadership, a time of peace, and beginnings. Washington was always quiet and unassuming. He never asked for greatness, but it seemed that it came to him naturally. He didn’t ask to become president, nor did he wish to take it upon himself. But our founding fathers saw Washington as their ray of hope to revive their failing brainchild. They knew Washington was the best man to lead our budding nation. Washington’s strong leadership skills, sharp mind, and big heart proved him the right man for the job.

Washington’s inauguration was a stunning site. It was located in New York City. His entrance to the city was a triumphal procession. He was greeted by salutes and escorted by officials and important people. Everyone wanted to have a look at the country’s new leader.

While in office, Washington was not the strongest statesman. But he was supported by a fabulous cabinet of men. His cabinet was well chosen, and included some of the most distinguished men of the new world. His cabinet contained 12 men, including Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. At times, the men of his cabinet argued and disagreed. But Washington always kept them in check.

George Washington never went through life alone. He had a wife as wonderful and noble as himself. Her name was Martha Washington. She performed humble tasks, and never acted haughty or rude. She never took advantage of her office as an excuse not to due housework or cook. She always supported her husband, and tried to make him happy and keep him safe. She was a good role model for the women in the new country.

George Washington had a surprising preference for simplicity, unlike the majority of rulers at that time. George Washington disliked fancy clothing, ruffles and useless finery; because he felt they were a waste of the country’s resources. He never spent the nation’s money on himself. This is a fine example of George Washington’s unselfish character.

George Washington was very successful as a president. He could attribute this to his honest, hard work and dedication to patriotism. When he failed, he got back on his feet quickly and learned not to make the same mistake twice. His abilities to do so made him a wonderful president. He was always ready to do whatever was best for the country. He is an amazing role model for all Americans. George Washington, I salute you!

Any feedback?

[akaslickster]

Ignore above essay. Here is my REAL second draft. I posted the last one before I was ready.

The Presidency of George Washington

As most Americans know, George Washington was the first president of the United States. Most citizens remember him as the untouchable, silent, dignified leader of our country. I will describe Washington's presidency in the way it is best remembered as, a legend of leadership, a time of peace, and beginnings. Washington was always quiet and unassuming. He never asked for greatness, but it seemed that it came to him naturally. He didn't ask to become president, nor did he wish to take it upon himself. But our founding fathers saw Washington as their ray of hope to revive their failing brainchild. They knew Washington was the best man to lead our budding nation. Washington's strong leadership skills, sharp mind, and big heart proved him the right man for the job.

Washington's inauguration was a stunning site. It was located in New York City. His entrance to the city was a triumphal procession. He was greeted by salutes and escorted by officials and important people. Everyone wanted to have a look at the country's new leader.

While in office, Washington was not the strongest statesman. But he was supported by a fabulous cabinet of men. His cabinet was well chosen, and included some of the most distinguished men of the new world. His cabinet contained 12 men, including Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. At times, the men of his cabinet argued and disagreed. But Washington always kept them in check.

George Washington never went through life alone. He had a wife as wonderful and noble as himself. Her name was Martha Washington. She performed humble tasks, and never acted haughty or rude. She never took advantage of her office as an excuse not to due housework or cook. She always supported her husband, and tried to make him happy and keep him safe. She was a good role model for the women in the new country.

George Washington had a surprising preference for simplicity, unlike the majority of rulers at that time. George Washington disliked fancy clothing, ruffles and useless finery; because he felt they were a waste of the country's resources. He never spent the nation's money on himself. This is a fine example of George Washington's unselfish character.

George Washington was very successful as a president. He could attribute this to his honest, hard work and dedication to patriotism. When he failed, he got back on his feet quickly and learned not to make the same mistake twice. His abilities to do so made him a wonderful president. He was always ready to do whatever was best for the country. He is an amazing role model for all Americans. George Washington, I salute you!

Any feedback?

Hand it in. You'll get an "A". If the teacher is a fuss budget, you still get a "B".

[Guest]

Hand it in. You'll get an "A". If the teacher is a fuss budget, you still get a "B".

Thanks! I think I'll do that!