Some short ones...

[Guest]

I copied of another website just to start something....

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

(Jon)

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Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.

When did you first notice this problem?

What problem? (Scott)

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What is defference between man and Superman?

Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)

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How do you know if your a red neck?

You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)

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Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie)

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Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead)

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Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?

Teacher: no, of course not.

Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)

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What is green and smells?

Hulk's fart.

(Azbar Kahleed)

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Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?

Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)

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You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)

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Yo mamma is so fat:

She eats Wheat Thicks.

We're in her right now.

She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.

She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)

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Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan)

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Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan)

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How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?

Shine a torch into her ear...

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

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What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

No? Good!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?

The bucket.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.

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Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

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Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

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Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

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Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

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Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

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Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

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How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

None. The invisible hand does it.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

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Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

George Carlin

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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneris

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I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

Carol Leifer

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I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.

Ed Bluestone

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I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".

The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".

Jay Leno

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Why don't oysters give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

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What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?

Nuclear fission.

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Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?

Because it had a nice groove in it!

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How can you tell if a redneck is married?

There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

[Guest]

Excuse me, but nearly all of these "jokes" are not humorous nor do I believe that they be suitable for children. These jokes are offensive, cruel, and although many people, children included, are "used" to these kind of things, they should not be exposed to them any more than they can help it.

[rookie1ja]

Excuse me, but nearly all of these "jokes" are not humorous nor do I believe that they be suitable for children. These jokes are offensive, cruel, and although many people, children included, are "used" to these kind of things, they should not be exposed to them any more than they can help it.

you can report posts (inappropriate words) directly to me - click "Report this post" (exclamation mark) or PM me

I like most of the jokes ... maybe except the yo mamma jokes

[Guest]

do you have a lot of children present in this board?

and by children, I mean under 13 or so, because I see no problem with these jokes; they are all PG or PG-13 at worst.

BTW, how many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

3, one to climb the ladder to reach the bulb, one to shake the ladder so the first one falls off, and a third one to sue the ladder company.

[Guest]

hello-

i will be 13 this nov.,

my neighbors are 5 and 6,

and we all laughed at most o' these!

I don't want to be rude, but:

seriously, if you think that kids shouldn't be "exposed" to this sort of thing, than you might want to start a petition to ban internet + television from everyone under 16...

good luck with that.

Sorry, and I mean it.

love always,

~Elli~

by the way, my algebra teacher read these aloud last week... to the 6th graders...

[Guest]

I have to agree that some of these jokes are inappropriate, especially the ones with the vulgar language. Maybe some sixth-grade teachers think that it is appropriate to use bad language in front of children, but when I hear that I am reading jokes for children I want to read "G" rated jokes.

[Guest]

i don't see anything wrong with any of these joke and i myself am 15 sure i wouldn't go telling them to 5 year olds but how many preschoolers come on this forum

seriously, if you think that kids shouldn't be "exposed" to this sort of thing, than you might want to start a petition to ban internet + television from everyone under 16...

good luck with that.

Sorry, and I mean it.

I agree (as much as i love the internet). Mostly because i know they could never get it to happen so im not that worried. as i said before NONE of those jokes struck me as bad (not all nesisaraly funny). I can understand not wanting your kids to hear bad languge but don't ruin it for everyone else ,just look them in the eyes and tell them they arn't allowed to veiw it, eventualy they will respect you enough to do (most of) what there told. I respect my parents and I rarley disobey them (unless the conditions are better that i don't listen) and in turn i have been told by many people that im very mature, smart and open minded for my age. so my parents give me free rien over what i look at and don't look at on the internet(and television) infact I basicly make my own rules and still complet stangers come to me and complment me on my behaivior. so to restate my point Don't take any crap from your kids.

[Guest]

well said, thechaos.

seriously, no one under 11 or 12 would ever be interested in reading a forum like this, so why is this an issue

if you cant control what your children watch/read/are exposed to, then you have bigger problems.

jokes are funny only in the eye of the beholder; somebody will find whatever you say offensive no matter what you say. maybe you should start some kind of parent's forum and post nothing but knock knock jokes for your kids.

would you let your kids see art, such as Michaelangelo's David or a Bodacelli?

well, a lot of people would find those offensive because they are nude.

yet, we still view them in public places, dont we?

[Guest]

if you really want to be offended go to a kindergarten playground and just listen to those kids. the ones that can't read especially. Truth be told you can't protect your kids from everything so educate them instead and then watch them make good decisions. If you coddle children they dive head first into rebellion.

[Guest]

hey why are we talking about what should be banned from kids? this forum is for jokes so post some jokes.

you might be a redneck...

If you burn your trash and have to find cover because bullets go off in the fire.

[Guest]

You actually can protect your kids. That is one of the main reason you (the parent) are there. I think it will be a very sad day when no one under 11 or 12 is interested in this kind of forum. Kids used to be and I hope still are interested in learning and finding things out and reasoning. They have more time than adults to do this kind of thing. It is way more worth while than playing computer games or something similar to that. In response to theChaos, people also tell me that I am mature and trust me more than others my age. My parents disciplined me and made me obey them. When I grew older, I realized that they were right and am now more capable to make good decisions and to be responsible.

[Guest]

i am sorry but it seems at though i did not type my last post here as well as i could. what i meant is over the years my parents have given me rights to do what i want, such as belive what i want and say what i want. that dose not mean they have not disiplend me. what i meant was if i were to do something such as steal, i would definatly be punished by my parents. a good exaple would be that my parents are both christian, and i am agnostic, they are not upset about that though because they engourge us to think for ourselves. Where as if i were to start slaking on my homework, i would be punished. Also i have never though my parents were wrong when it came to my upbringing and so not i have alot of respect for them.

[Guest]

How do you make a dog drink?

put him in the blender.

what's green and red and goes 50 miles an hour?

a frog in a blender.

[Guest]

wow, those one's are sort of sick.......

[Guest]

i really dont think you should listen to the people below their stupid. i'm 9 years old and i thought they were hilarious. the other people are jealous because they can't find anything else to do just by going to the internet and judgeing people they are ladyes know one understands what kids under 13 really like so who gives a f*** thay should go to hell.

jessica

[Guest]

i really dont think you should listen to the people below their stupid. i'm 9 years old and i thought they were hilarious. the other people are jealous because they can't find anything else to do just by going to the internet and judgeing people they are ladyes know one understands what kids under 13 really like so who gives a f*** thay should go to hell.

jessica

for a 9 year old, you have quite a mouth on you, girl.

jeez

oh well, at least you have an open mind.

[Guest]

joke:

yo mamma's so old her national insurance number is one.

natinal insurance= social security

Edited July 17, 2008 by lemonymelon