Guest Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption. 2. Mom's other name. COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds on the sofa during Dallas Cowboy games. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting. DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge. DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone. DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR." EAR: A place where kids store dirt. EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them. EMPTY NEST: See"WISHFUL THINKING." ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something. "EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children. EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife. FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew. FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM" FROZEN: 1. A type of food. 2. How Hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle. GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself. GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids. GUM: Adhesive for the hair. HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing. HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc. HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece. ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty. INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside. "I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night. JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals. "JEEEEEEEEZ!": Slang for "Gee Mom, isn't there anything else you can do to embarrass me in front of my friends?" JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids. JUNK: Things belonging to Dad. KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mom spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right. KISS: Mom medicine. LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so. LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents. LIE: An "exaggeration" Mom uses to transform her child's papier-mache volcano science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride scholarship to Harvard. LOSERS: See "Kids' Friends" MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush,etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a tramp." MAYBE: No. MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it's turned into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa. "MOMMMMMMM!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants something. MUSH: 1. What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food. 2. Main element of Mom's favorite movies. NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which Mom can never have a full set of due to pitching for batting practice, opening stubborn modeling clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve army men and/or doll clothing. OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals. OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company. OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad. PANIC: What a mother goes thru when the wind-up swing stops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0 Guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 Ha ha nices ones QUIET: What Mom always wants her kids to be, but won't be whenever she comes across someone she knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Guest
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat
strained beets.
ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she
spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will
trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold.
2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all
except Mom to be self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't
be explained logically.
BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for
themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and
clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom
always winds up going the furthest with the
biggest bunch of kids who have had the most
sugar.
COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption.
2. Mom's other name.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds on the sofa during Dallas Cowboy
games.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy
worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn
a home into a battle zone.
DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
EMPTY NEST: See"WISHFUL THINKING."
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply
of until asked to do something.
"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in
past times by children.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which,
according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything
from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled
butter knife.
FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after
curfew.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the
question "What's for dinner tonight?" See
"SARCASM"
FROZEN: 1. A type of food.
2. How Hell will be when Mom lets her daughter
date an older guy with a motorcycle.
GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of
which Mom assigns to a different family member
each week, then winds up doing herself.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.
GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded
by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with
volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water
immediately prior to consumption of the evening
meal.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many
diapers.
HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth
and the Golden Fleece.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in
small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled
the darn things instead of putting them back in
the freezer empty.
INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to
kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour
getting them ready to go outside.
"I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom
JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just
about any occasion, including church and funerals.
"JEEEEEEEEZ!": Slang for "Gee Mom, isn't there anything else you
can do to embarrass me in front of my friends?"
JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.
JUNK: Things belonging to Dad.
KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the
dish that Mom spent hours cooking and years
perfecting to get the seasoning just right.
KISS: Mom medicine.
LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump
should his friends do so.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where
Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and
sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for
three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
LIE: An "exaggeration" Mom uses to transform her
child's papier-mache volcano science project into
a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride
scholarship to Harvard.
LOSERS: See "Kids' Friends"
MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush,etc. which ironically
make Mom look better while making her young
daughter look "like a tramp."
MAYBE: No.
MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly
drink once it's turned into junk food by the
addition of sugar and cocoa.
"MOMMMMMMM!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants
something.
MUSH: 1. What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food.
2. Main element of Mom's favorite movies.
NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which
Mom can never have a full set of due to pitching
for batting practice, opening stubborn modeling
clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve
army men and/or doll clothing.
OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath
night for kids, assorted pets, two or three
full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats,
cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat
in front of company.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.
PANIC: What a mother goes thru when the wind-up swing stops.
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