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How many high school football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Half a team. And they each get a semester's credit for it too!

How many plumbers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. The boss gets a plumber. The plumber gets an assistant. And the assistant gets someone who knows how to do it on his side.

Two. One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.

Yes, I know they're not very funny.

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Q: How many Italian-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I dunno exactly, but my brothers girlfriends fathers boss secretary's sister's next door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Seargant-of-Arms nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.

Love this one :lol:

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno. I stopped counting.

I made it up, so...

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Just made this one up:

How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb?

five, six, seven, eight; and one...

And these I found online:

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it

a surprising twist at the end.

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one

else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even

know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the

dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it

out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact

that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But

if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS

LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on

to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND

UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT

BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT

THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES

OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE

HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did

you ask me?

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How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one

else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even

know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the

dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it

out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact

that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But

if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS

LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on

to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND

UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT

BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT

THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES

OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE

HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did

you ask me?

(:D Sounds like my mom.)

:o harvey (would I say copied or reposted or wut?)

Edited by NickFleming
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How many Chuck Norris's does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The dark is still afraid of him.

How many Looney Tunes characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them. They all fight over who gets to do it, then Bugs does it while the fight goes on, and jumps back in.

How many psychologists does it take to change the lightbulb?

...What lightbulb?

How many ex-husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?

They never get the house, so what's the point?

How many senior citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Wuzzat? You want me to what? Hang on a sec while I turn up my hearing aide... Oh, hi sonny, how's that kid of your's? What? You've beat a knee of a derange in a bull-fight? I'm sorry but I'm not uh... hip to your... lingo...Jack... Oh, hi..."

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One.

How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb.

Alternate Lawyer joke: How many Lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one great lawyer can screw anybody

How many presidents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently more than one (I love Obama)

And one that might slightly be offensive

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Does it matter? Feminists can't change anything! (I believe in civil rights for all)

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