[Guest]

So, I've gone through a ton of guys, and I've never been one to look for love, or try to make it happen. Therefore all of my breakups have been clean, and mutual. I'm still friends with ALL of them. This is why it shocked me when I found a guy who gives me fireworks when I THINK about him. When I see him, or am with him my heart gets all flippy and I feel like a middle school kid with their first crush. For the first 4 or 5 weeks I knew him everything was amazing. I knew that he had liked another girl for about a year, but he still went out with other people. Over those few weeks he became less and less interested in her and spent his free time with me instead of her. Then all of a sudden he began telling our mutual friend he didn't like me. When I brought it up he confessed that it want true, he just didn't want a girlfriend "right now". I of course made a cute "Friends with benefits" joke and left, but it got me thinking: What does that mean? "I don't want a girlfriend right now"?

[Guest]

It means he would like to have sex with you but doesn't want a commitment.

Walk away. It has little to do with you. Dont waste time with someone like that.

[Guest]

So, I've gone through a ton of guys, and I've never been one to look for love, or try to make it happen. Therefore all of my breakups have been clean, and mutual. I'm still friends with ALL of them. This is why it shocked me when I found a guy who gives me fireworks when I THINK about him. When I see him, or am with him my heart gets all flippy and I feel like a middle school kid with their first crush. For the first 4 or 5 weeks I knew him everything was amazing. I knew that he had liked another girl for about a year, but he still went out with other people. Over those few weeks he became less and less interested in her and spent his free time with me instead of her. Then all of a sudden he began telling our mutual friend he didn't like me. When I brought it up he confessed that it want true, he just didn't want a girlfriend "right now". I of course made a cute "Friends with benefits" joke and left, but it got me thinking: What does that mean? "I don't want a girlfriend right now"?

I agree with crazypainter. He's definitely looking for something. Most guys at that age are typically only looking for sex (I was the same way unfortunately) As for you making the FWB comment, you could be giving him the wrong impression that you are up for messing around without the commitment. I mean he did say I dont want a girlfriend right now before you made your comment, but nonetheless most younger men typically think with the smaller of the two heads.

if you need anymore clarification that may or may not be appropriate for the thread or you dont want to publicly post feel free to PM me

[akaslickster]

It doesn't seem you are in a hurry for a committment. When the time is right, you will know. No need to rush anything.

You can even ask my precious Puzzlegirl. She is really good with these things as well.

[Guest]

It's that when we first met all he wanted was to be with me. He was fully commited from the day we met...and I was too. Then it just randomly stopped. He's a year younger than me too, but I don't think that's what he's after. I only say that because he was making sure that his parents like me, and that his friends like me. Like I was there to stay, not a short term [one night] thing.

[akaslickster]

It's that when we first met all he wanted was to be with me. He was fully commited from the day we met...and I was too. Then it just randomly stopped. He's a year younger than me too, but I don't think that's what he's after. I only say that because he was making sure that his parents like me, and that his friends like me. Like I was there to stay, not a short term [one night] thing.

Go with your heart my pal. I was scared to hook up too closely with lots of chicks. I am glad I was picky because they all got divorced by now. If a partner is in a hurry for anything at all, then something is fishy in Denmark, as we say. I will do post messages, if you prefer. Edited September 13, 2008 by akaslickster

[Guest]

It's that when we first met all he wanted was to be with me. He was fully commited from the day we met...and I was too. Then it just randomly stopped. He's a year younger than me too, but I don't think that's what he's after. I only say that because he was making sure that his parents like me, and that his friends like me. Like I was there to stay, not a short term [one night] thing.

He could be like me, a commitment-phobe. which would explain everything much better.

[Mekal]

hmm... iv'e used that term before and that was just because the girl i was around a bunch was a really good friend... so i wanted to talk to her but more as a friend to a friend... but thats just me... i don't really know this guy...

Edited September 13, 2008 by Mekal

[Guest]

He could be like me, a commitment-phobe. which would explain everything much better.

Okay, so what do I do about that? I'm not looking for serious commitment, I just want him to be mine for now. He knows that I'm low maintenance, and that I want some commitment. I'm not asking him to marry me, just....

[unreality]

Why not talk to him, and ask him what he meant? I know that most guys (I don't want to generalize) would be pretty flattered at this glimpse into the female mind, and he would probably clarify what he meant for you, after he realizing he may have made a blunder. Just ask him what he meant by what he said - but don't ask in an accusing manner, have like a curious manner. Not an over-questioning tone, but a tone that suggests that it does in fact mean something to you, and it's not just a flippant question, so that he considers his response carefully

[Guest]

Why not talk to him, and ask him what he meant? I know that most guys (I don't want to generalize) would be pretty flattered at this glimpse into the female mind, and he would probably clarify what he meant for you, after he realizing he may have made a blunder. Just ask him what he meant by what he said - but don't ask in an accusing manner, have like a curious manner. Not an over-questioning tone, but a tone that suggests that it does in fact mean something to you, and it's not just a flippant question, so that he considers his response carefully

Jane ..... what he said ^

[Guest]

Why not talk to him, and ask him what he meant? I know that most guys (I don't want to generalize) would be pretty flattered at this glimpse into the female mind, and he would probably clarify what he meant for you, after he realizing he may have made a blunder. Just ask him what he meant by what he said - but don't ask in an accusing manner, have like a curious manner. Not an over-questioning tone, but a tone that suggests that it does in fact mean something to you, and it's not just a flippant question, so that he considers his response carefully

That really helps, thanks. I'll let you know how it goes

[unreality]

np *hopes it wasn't a horrible idea, lol*

[Guest]

np *hopes it wasn't a horrible idea, lol*

Seemed like a good one to me...probably better than i would have worded it.

[Guest]

Go with your heart my pal. I was scared to hook up too closely with lots of chicks. I am glad I was picky because they all got divorced by now. If a partner is in a hurry for anything at all, then something is fishy in Denmark, as we say. I will do post messages, if you prefer.

Pal - Du er en Dansk ?

[Guest]

It doesn't seem you are in a hurry for a committment. When the time is right, you will know. No need to rush anything.

You can even ask my precious Puzzlegirl. She is really good with these things as well.

Aye Aye - Princess has a level head

[akaslickster]

Aye Aye - Princess has a level head

Well, my advice will not cause any friction, and it seems okay to me.

[Yoruichi-san]

Aye Aye - Princess has a level head

*Sigh*

Read the sig...(there's a link to the lyrics)

[unreality]

They were talking about PG, not you ;D

[Yoruichi-san]

They were talking about PG, not you ;D

No, actually, BL sent me a PM telling me he was talking about me...;P

[Guest]

They were talking about PG, not you ;D

Well, one thing's for sure, when it comes to boyfriends I've had my fair share of experience...all of which helped lead me into a healthy and satisfying marriage. That doesn't necessarily earn me an honorary "Marriage and Family Therapist" license, but I guess it does count for something. I appreciate your confidence in my "man handling" skills, Slick & BL...and I appreciate the title.

[unreality]

Man Handling... *stifles immature laughter* You know I jest, PG ;D

[Guest]

As for this case, Janesia, I say cut and run. If he thinks you're BIG TIME, he'll come calling. If not, you saved yourself further heart-ache. Don't forget, Darling, you're only 18...there's another fellow that will make you feel all hot and bothered just around the corner.

That being said, if you are already too obsessed and you just HAVE TO KNOW, then I agree with Unreality...just ask him point-blank. Guys are typically more receptive to honest questioning than us girls think they will be because - mainly because we expect that they process things the same way we do...psychoanalyzing every word from every angle and conjurring up hundreds of possible senerios for what he "could have meant" by it. However, just a fair warning, guys your age typically freak when girls start spewing a bunch of emotional garbage at them unsolicited. Go ahead and ask him your question (if you must) but don't go into your emotional reaction to the situation. Capish?

[Guest]

Man Handling... *stifles immature laughter* You know I jest, PG ;D

Aren't I quite the wordsmith? ;D

[akaslickster]

Aren't I quite the wordsmith? ;D

Yes, and quite irresistable iris, whom I have not seen all weekend.

[Guest]

I went through something like that, but I was 35 at the time. The flippy feeling Janesia has, is the same way I felt then. It took me FOREVER to get over that guy. And it was nothing he did, it was all me. I asked him questions and he answered truthfully, but gently. The truth hurts, but I still didn't get it! The only thing that worked for me was distance.

So I would suggest what the others say, ask him. But be prepared for an honest answer, then distance yourself from him so you can make a life for yourself. Good luck!