Chuck Norris Jokes

225 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post

nice ones ;) this is real. Go to google, type in "find chuck norris", and click "I'm Feeling Lucky." See what happens!

Haha! That was awesome!

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Posted · Report post

You guys stop calling them chuck norris jokes they are chuch norris FACTS!!!!

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Posted · Report post

here is a chuck norris FACT

(this one is more of a joke)

A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him what his favorite

Chuck Norris fact was. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with

such force that the man spontaneously combusted.

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Posted · Report post

if superman and batman had a fight chuck norris would win

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Chuck Norris was originally in DOAIV, the had to take him out because he would kill you before you started

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Chuck Norris played russen Roulet with a fullyloaded gun and won!

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Posted · Report post

nice ones ;) this is real. Go to google, type in "find chuck norris", and click "I'm Feeling Lucky." See what happens!

ha!!! that's wicked funny!!!! :"Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

* Run, before he finds you

* Try a different person"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Posted · Report post

ha!!! that's wicked funny!!!! :"Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

* Run, before he finds you

* Try a different person"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

its a fake you can see that by the name of the wed site

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Posted · Report post

its a fake you can see that by the name of the wed site

so? it's still the most awesome fake google page i've ever seen!

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Posted · Report post

Chuck Norris's first name is Carlos by the way

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Posted · Report post

Only once Chuck Norris failed. He could not solve a lemonymelon puzzle. :lol:

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Posted · Report post

what are you talking about, drydung? <_< Chuck Norris never fails...

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Only once Chuck Norris failed. He could not solve a lemonymelon puzzle.

1stly what puzzle and secondly

If chuck norris doesn't know the answer, the answer changes itself to suit chuck norris.

Edited by lemonymelon
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Posted · Report post

1stly what puzzle and secondly

If chuck norris doesn't know the answer, the answer changes itself to suit chuck norris.

good one!

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Posted · Report post

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Death once a had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't dar to swim with sharks, they dare to swim with him.

Superman and Chuck Norris had a race; the loser had to wear red boots, a gay a** cape, tights and underoos on the outside of them.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark but because the dark's afraid of him.

Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

If you rearrange Walker Texas Ranger, you get Karate Wrangler Sex.

"What goes around comes a roudhouse kick to the face."

Edited by tpdubb187
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Posted · Report post

Superman and Chuck Norris had a race; the loser had to wear red boots, a gay a** cape, tights and underoos on the outside of them. :lol:

If you rearrange Walker Texas Ranger, you get Karate Wrangler Sex. - amazing! that must have been planned

Chuck Norris can separate mud into holy water and diamond dust

He uses the holy water to shower, and the diamond dust to trim his beard so no one else can have any of either

Chuck Norris once went sky-diving in northern Arizona claiming parachutes were for sissies

Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw and he holds it backwards while doing so.

Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

Chuck Norris has the most beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt your brain with joy.

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking

Chuck Norris graduated college with a black belt in Chuck Norris.

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Posted · Report post

There are no stupid questions, or stupid people. Chuck Norris has already killed them all.

(oh, if only that were true :P)

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

If it tastes like chicken, feels like chicken, looks like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's beef.

Chuck Norris does not have hair on his chest, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack couldn't dodge Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Edited by frozen_in_fire
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Posted · Report post

I got a home-made one:

Chuck Norris can break atoms with his tongue.

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Posted · Report post

i hope these havent been posted...but there my favorite and im to lazy to look

If Chuck Norris ever has sex with a man. It wont be because he turns gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris has the best poker face in the Universe. In 1986, He won the World Poker Series with a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free card, a Seven of Spades, and 2 of hearts, and a blue number 4 Uno card.

There is no records of Chuck Norris having a father. Populary theory says that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Simply by pullin on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch a diamond back into carbon.

Like that of a dog, Chuck Norris can not only smell fear, but he can piss on whatever the F***K he wants!

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Math was invented by Chuck Norris as a body-count system.

While vacationing on Dagobah, Yoda told Chuck Norris: "Your b****, I am"

Chuck Norris slept through the Big Bang

Chuck Norris gives the Bowflex Machine abs.

Chuck Norris uses “i” before ”e” whenever he wants and "c" never has a problem with that.

Chuck Norris once met a genie. But he only granted the genie one wish and then stuffed him in a small lamp.

Thou shalt not kill. Chuck Norris exists for this purpose.

You might say Chuck Norris can't act, but he might not let you say anything else ever.

Chuck Norris never needs a bullet proof vest. His chest hair is made of kevlar.

Chuck Norris killed the "Head-On cream" ad exec with a roundhouse kick applied directly to the forehead.

Chuck Norris is actually the greatest actor ever. His loss to Bruce Lee in 'Way of the Dragon' is known as the most uncharacteristic performance of all time.

Elvis announces when Chuck Norris has left the building.

Freddy Kruger is afraid to fall asleep, for fear he’ll have nightmares of Chuck Norris.

A watched pot never boils. Unless Chuck Norris is watching the pot. Then the pot explodes.

When Chuck Norris plays with fire, fire gets burned.

Occasionally for fun, Chuck Norris will lean up against a building and make brick angels.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you through a window without breaking the glass.

The Cold War was actually ended when America said: "Look. We have Chuck Norris..."

Chuck Norris once yelled "Boo!" at Michael Jackson.

Chuck Norris can easily push open doors that say 'pull'

YouTube can't remove Chuck Norris' videos.

Chuck Norris once drank a cup of steroids and HGH, then wondered how his blood got in that cup.

Nuclear weapons are actually just homing beacons to tell Chuck Norris where to punch the ground.

Chuck Norris can win every hand of Blackjack with just the instruction card and a joker.

Chuck Norris can travel faster than the speed of dark.

The deepest level of Hell is an eternal match with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never been featured in a video game because Chuck Norris never gets played... by anyone... ever.

Chuck Norris was an atheist until he realized that he was God. This was the only 'ahha' moment he ever had.

Chuck Norris knows every word in the dictionary, except 'mercy'.

Chuck Norris is so fast he can punch himself in the face while blocking the punch.

Chuck Norris ties himself down at night to prevent himself from sleep-killing. When he kills, he wants to remember it.

Chuck Norris doesn't get girls' numbers. He just dials a random number and that b**** better be there!

Chuck Norris doesn't solve puzzles, he eliminates them.

Chuck Norris turned a dragon into poodle-skin boots and a poodle into a dragon-scale vest.

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Posted · Report post

Chuck who? :unsure:

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Posted · Report post

good ones

When you misspell Chuck Norris on google it doesn't tell you how to spell it it simply replies "Run while you still have the chance"

chucknorrisup7.jpg

And to turn this joke into a brainteaser: How did I get Google to say that? (NB. this picture isn't doctored, it is a print-screen/screen-dump)

The Google link

I typed "Cuck Noris si goign ot kcik mi arsee!!!" into Google, clicked search, and then changed the text in the search box to "Chuck Norris is a wimp!"

Does anyone think this is worth posting as a brainteaser in new puzzles? (I'm sure a lot of people would detest this notion)

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Posted · Report post

chucknorrisup7.jpg

And to turn this joke into a brainteaser: How did I get Google to say that? (NB. this picture isn't doctored, it is a print-screen/screen-dump)

The Google link

I typed "Cuck Noris si goign ot kcik mi arsee!!!" into Google, clicked search, and then changed the text in the search box to "Chuck Norris is a wimp!"

Does anyone think this is worth posting as a brainteaser in new puzzles? (I'm sure a lot of people would detest this notion)

nice one!

Chuck Norris owns all television. CNN actually stands for Chuck Norris's Network.

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