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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,

" I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps

your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly

dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife

and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar

detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar

detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through

clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your

seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it

off when you pulled me over so that I could get my l icense out of my

back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your

seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver

turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always

talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."

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16 answers to this question

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Haha, true, you all do cook for us. I did forget about other things like ironing, dusting, vacuuming, and basically anything else I tell her to do :)

And I am not stinker - I showered on Tuesday (first of month).

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Dang right! Your in deep she-ut now, largeneal. you've got peoples against y'all. Nice goin'. :lol:

;) Typical guy. :P

Gotsta bounce yo. B))

Yeah, now all you women can team up and beat me with your feather dusters.

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:P Naw. I'll go easy on ya. I'll just git my 4-wheeler and bow-n-arrow...you're in 4 it. ;) So, if anyone wants to be mean...just keep in mind that I'm dangerous. Yesah! Dang-tootin' right! Oh yeah...I almost forgot my *supersonic* burps. Yup, those are me best weapon. :lol:

Gotsta bounce yo! B))

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Dang *tootin'* right! ;) Me farts are like an ENORMOUS skunk just let one rip right in yo nostrils!!! :lol: They're so loud, even a deaf person could hear em. :lol:

If you're in a retirement home (with old people), go up to an old person and say, "Did u fart? I smell vasoline." (Excuz if I spelt "vasoline" wrong.) That little quote thing-a-ma-jig came from Larry the Cable Guy....HE ROX MY SOX!!!

Gotsta bounce, yo. B))

Edited by 4wheelchick
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