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Evil Genies

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I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited by mmiguel
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338 answers to this question

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Posted · Report post

Granted, you exist but are obviously delusional.

* Psst I think the word you accidentally omitted was "able" *

I wish that the granter of this wish gets their wish granted

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Posted · Report post

Granted, you exist but are obviously delusional.

* Psst I think the word you accidentally omitted was "able" *

I wish that the granter of this wish gets their wish granted

Your wish is granted. Congratulations. :P

I wish to know an incorruptible wish.

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Posted · Report post

I wish to be able to travel to any point in space time (accurately), which I select, whenever I want.

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Posted (edited) · Report post

I wish to always obtain or experience whatever I want, and to never obtain or experience whatever I don't want, where my wants are evaluated at the time the thing is to be obtained or experienced, and as such actions are applicable per the genie code.

Edited by mmiguel
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Posted · Report post

I wish to ace my midterm.

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Posted · Report post

I wish to know an incorruptible wish.

granted, its the wish you don't make.

I wish to be able to travel to any point in space time (accurately), which I select, whenever I want.

granted, this includes a strong desire to teleport into the middle of a black hole.

I wish to always obtain or experience whatever I want, and to never obtain or experience whatever I don't want, where my wants are evaluated at the time the thing is to be obtained or experienced, and as such actions are applicable per the genie code.

granted, you are given the desire for nothing, which you obtain.

I wish to ace my midterm.

granted, you do so by cheating, which is revealed by your teacher in front of everyone.

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Posted · Report post

i wish balanced ternary computers to become in popular use, and i have one.

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Posted · Report post

You have it, but the grammar nazis led by phaze come confiscate it as punishment for poor sentence structure.

I wish to be unable to feel without loss of consciousness, mobility, functionality, or vitality. (and don't try saying I'll not be able to feel good feelings either...as far as I'm concerned, all feelings are a nuisance ;P)

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Posted · Report post

You have it, but the grammar nazis led by phaze come confiscate it as punishment for poor sentence structure.

I wish to be unable to feel without loss of consciousness, mobility, functionality, or vitality. (and don't try saying I'll not be able to feel good feelings either...as far as I'm concerned, all feelings are a nuisance ;P)

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Posted · Report post

granted you become a bland uninteresting "robot" human.

i wish to have better things to do with my time.

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Granted, you have better things to do with your time but now you don't have the time to do them.

I wish that Yoruichi-san had a kitten.

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Posted · Report post

Granted, she nearly had kittens. Congratulations after scaring her good you have become her new arch-nemesis

I wish for a doomsday device

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Granted but it came from Ikea so some assembly is required and the instructions are in Swedish (you think).

I wish that Yoruichi-san was a kitten.

-edit-

And by some assembly is required I mean a LOT of assembly is required.

Edited by curr3nt
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Posted (edited) · Report post

Sry about the dbl post. Actually, most things 'robot' humans do are directed by their feelings, in an endeavor to attain their desires, i.e. go to work to earn money to have a house, car, 2.5 kids, etc. If I didn't have feelings I'd be better equipped to be a perfect Machiavellian prince...like Adrian Viedt ;P.

Lol...next you'll be wishing that I gave birth to myself...(btw, I'm actually allergic to cats, so thanks...I'm now allergic to myself XP)

I wish for a clone of me to take my place in my life and responsibilities so that I could go out and have adventures :D.

Edited by Yoruichi-san
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Hmm, An emotionless clone, lets see

I wish my entire criminal record ( of thieving one mannequin from Macys) to be expunged

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Posted · Report post

Granted, like the rest of my co-stars you have now be charged with the severe crime of wooden acting

I wish the judge would throw the book at him

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granted, but The Book is a pamphlet on how to be a good judge.

I wish to be an omniscient super-god immune to everything everywhere, in addition to not being hurt (e.g. If I get hit by a bullet, it bounces off).

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Posted · Report post

Granted, carves flamebird into a stone idol

I wish for flamebird to communicate to me a random number that not even he can predict

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Okay, I briefly change my screen name to "flamebird" and then communicate to phaze a random number. (I'm not a he. :P)

I wish to be the fastest runner on earth...even though I'm not jamacain :o!

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Granted, organizes air flights for everyone who runs faster than Y-San using his/her/its* credit card.

* depending on the body that has been vacated so you can re-possess it

I wish for a safe landing for 6.9999999999 billion people currently aboard planes

Edit: Wow, we are up to around 7billion people on earth

Edited by phaze
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Posted (edited) · Report post

nvm

Edited by phaze
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Granted, but they all arrived in Rhode Island. http://what-if.xkcd.com/8/

I wish a one way mirror was an actual thing.

Edited by curr3nt
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Posted · Report post

You have it, but the grammar nazis led by phaze come confiscate it as punishment for poor sentence structure.

I wish to be unable to feel without loss of consciousness, mobility, functionality, or vitality. (and don't try saying I'll not be able to feel good feelings either...as far as I'm concerned, all feelings are a nuisance ;P)

Did you just wish for leprosy?

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Posted · Report post

@phaze: Wow, I didn't realize 6.99999999 billion ppl could run better than a 3:12 marathon (that's a 7.33 minute mile, btw ;P). Also, I didn't realize kittens had credit cards...

@chad: only if Adrian Viedt was a leper...

@current: um...I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but it appears a one-way mirror is an actual thing...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-way_mirror

I wish I had perfect DDR timing (stamina and speed are no issue, I just suck at the timing :()...

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