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Evil Genies

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Posted (edited) · Report post

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited by mmiguel
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338 answers to this question

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Posted (edited) · Report post

granted, the only challenge for you now is death, therefore...

i wish for control of electricity, and it couldn't harm me.

Edited by phil1882
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Posted · Report post

You gleefully control electricity now, which does not harm you...

...however, you soon realize the magnetic fields it induce don't agree with you...;P

I wish to be the one to find the elusive Higgs boson :D.

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Posted · Report post

You gleefully control electricity now, which does not harm you...

...however, you soon realize the magnetic fields it induce don't agree with you...;P

I wish to be the one to find the elusive Higgs boson :D.

You were the one to find it... but that pesky alzheimers made you forget about it.

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Posted · Report post

I wish for 10 tons of solid gold to appear in my backyard(real gold, as in element 79 in the periodic table as of 2012) that is redeemable as of right now and forever.

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Posted · Report post

Granted, It makes a remarkable tombstone until "redeemed" by tomb raiding bandits

I don't think you should have been standing underneath it when it appeared...

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Is it a commentary on human nature that people seem to be more eager to crush the wishes of others than to venture their own? :(

I wish that I could speak, read, write, and understand every language that exists in the world.

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Posted · Report post

granted, as a result you often find yourself speaking other languages involuntarily to people.

i wish for virtue.

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Posted · Report post

granted, as a result you often find yourself speaking other languages involuntarily to people.

i wish for virtue.

Your wish is my command. After a number of minutes with no changes you question where your virtue is. With a smile I say, "I guess you will have to wait and see..."

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Posted · Report post

(I guess I'll wish for something for once.)

I wish to know, and forever remember, the truth of whether or not there is a God, and if so which one, for a rock-solid irrefutable method of proving the same to anyone and that the only change brought about by this wish is that I gain the requested knowledge.

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Posted (edited) · Report post

granted. the answer is yes, his name is cathulu, the eater of arguments, and can't provide you with a proof of his existence.

i wish to know how to prove the reimann hypothesis is a way that is acceptable to the mathematical community.

Edited by phil1882
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Posted · Report post

Granted, they will accept your proof for as long as you hold the safety on that grenade

I wish evil genies did not exist

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Posted (edited) · Report post

granted from now on illogical genies exist, that grant wishes in weird incomprehensible ways.

i wish i was an illogical genie.

Edited by phil1882
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Posted · Report post

very well then, you cause havoc around Genieville with your illogicalness (i.e. crashing into houses looking for your glasses) until finally all of the logical genies band together and banish you, stripping you of your powers.

I wish for a bite-size piece of cheese that is edible and tasty, and will not harm me or cause harm (physical or otherwise) to anyone that I like, which is everybody in the world except those who rob and break into peoples houses and murderers.

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Posted · Report post

Alright...however your wish has become known to the world via the internet and now the people who were protesting outside that one senator's office for his "legitimate rape" comments are now barricading your house for implying that rapists are not as bad as thieves :P.

And I do already speak Chinglish, mon ami ;P.

I wish I could learn to do anything by seeing it done and have complete control over when, where, and if I do it. ^_^

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Genie - "Here, drink this!"

* reads find print on bottom of bottle while Y-san guzzles potion*

"causes permanent blindness after 5 minutes"

Genie - "Now let me give you a 5 minute lesson on how to free a genie"

I wish to fydt da gerb teriup

Edited by phaze
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Posted · Report post

Well, since I'm blind, I have no idea what phaze just wrote, but unfortunately he wasn't able to reap the benefits long, seeing as how I ran him over right after he made the wish with my peeling bumper sticker car. Hey, don't blame me for not being able to see where I'm going! :P

I wish for a Tardis (that I have complete control over, including when and where it appears ;)) (hey, someone had to do it...)

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Posted · Report post

granted, but it can only take you forward in time 15 minutes.

i wish everyone would settle on a pronunciation of tomato and potato, thus ruining that song.

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Posted · Report post

granted, but it can only take you forward in time 15 minutes.

i wish everyone would settle on a pronunciation of tomato and potato, thus ruining that song.

Don't really want to ruin this for you... but I say Toe-may-toe, but my friend from South Africa says Toe-mah-toe

We both say Potato the same.

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Posted · Report post

I wish this wish does not get granted

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It does not get granted...it has been granted all along...you just didn't know it :ph34r:.

@Phil: As long as you leave the element song alone, I don't really care...;P

I wish to be able to astral-project.

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Posted (edited) · Report post

Granted,

* Take legal permanent possession of Y-Sans body while she is away in exchange for her breaking rule III of the genie code by blindly running over my last body with her beaten up car as opposed to granting a wish, leaves note behind stating *

"Thank-you for freeing me,you have learned your lesson well"

I wish my last wish had never been granted

Edit: There must be a spare bottle around somewhere for you to take up residence in, If I could remember where... Oh that's right I am an evil genie. I DONT CARE. Muhahahahahaha

Edited by phaze
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Posted · Report post

Oh sweet...now I have an excuse to 'borrow' *cough* any body I want. Hmm...so many choices :D!

Okay, I admit, I'm a little bummed...my last body was pretty nice, with the ability to run a 3:12 marathon without really training and all, but the knees were starting to complain, so maybe I'll go for a younger model. I seem to burn them out fast :( so I guess I'll need to change often. Oh well, maybe I'll 'test-drive' a few first ;P.

Anyways, after I borrowed Matt Smith's body I went back in time in my Tardis and ungranted your wish, which created a paradox, and apparently (as per today's Doctor Who...you do learn something new every day!), paradoxes kill evil beings. Bye bye evil genie...

I wish phaze would finally pass on the One Me Up reins...*cough*...

Okay, for the rest of you: I wish everyone learned calculus in kindergarten.

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Posted · Report post

granted, though no kid understands it, and has to repeat kindergarten several times.

i wish education was much more enjoyable and thorough.

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Granted, you get to pick your favorite stuffed animal from the box to play with if you manage write a thesis in Urdu about how the Laplace equation relates to the observed social and economic effects after the most recent nuclear holocaust that you have instigated. That should cover Foreign Languages, Maths, Science and Social studies (including Foreign Politics and Criminology). OK you got me, not thorough enough!

I wish that Stewie Griffon wasn't the only one to graduate kindergarten.

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Posted · Report post

Well then, guess Stewie will have to fail...:P

I wish to be to jump into and out of any TV show I want to at any time I want to and to have whatever abilities I want while in the TV show :ph34r:.

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