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mmiguel

Evil Genies

Question

I thought this might be fun, but maybe it will flop.

A person finds a magic lamp with an evil genie inside.

The person may ask for any wish to be granted.

The genie, spiteful for having to serve a pitiful little human with his phenomenal cosmic powers, wants to make his master regret every wish that is made.

Posters, assume the role of either the genie of the human.

Rules:

I. Both genie and human are powerless to change these rules

II. As the human , you should wish for something that most people would actually find desirable.

III. Everything the human explicitly wished for must come true, and all harm (physical, mental, psychological, ...etc) that the spiteful genie inflicts should ultimately derive from a creative interpretation of the wish (e.g. deliberately ignoring common implications in speech that are not explicitly stated, or taking things out of context, ...etc). E.g. it's cheating if a person wishes for a million dollars, and the genie gives him a million dollars and also dumps a bucket of lava on his head (lava has nothing to do with the wish). It's not cheating if a person wishes for eternal life, and the genie prevents them from ever dying, but allows their body to to continue to age and weaken normally forever into some grotesque shamble that doesn't even look human - in this case, the person's eventual regret derives from making the wish in the first place.

IV. The genie cannot control his master's mind. This may sound good for the master, but it prevents the genie from being able to grant wishes like: I wish to always be happy forever.

V. Off limits: Wishing for more wishes, wishing for multiple things in one wish. The wish should be one thing possibly followed by further clarifications that specify the one thing. Cannot undo wishes.

Challenge:

Humans: Find an uncorruptible wish.

Genies: Corrupt every wish

Let's see who wins!

Here's one to start with:

"I wish to be the most intelligent person ever"

Edited by mmiguel
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338 answers to this question

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I said a competent genie.

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He was... in theory. Just not in practice. :P

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I wish to actually look like my avatar. Now, because this wish is pretty much already corrupt (geez, people, look at my avatar), what you've got to do, genie, is make the wish into something positive. :D

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Granted. You are now Kestrel Knight! A green block with "KK" on the the front by day and... well, all the time. You are hero to all; she who can do anything (except procreate)!

To quote Ed from "Ed, Edd n Eddy": I wish, I wish I was a fish.

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Granted, Ed is now a fish who will be fed to anyone who utters any more of his quotes

I wish, I wish I was a fish.

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Congrats, you just ate a poisoned fish!

I wish that the streak of I wish I wish I was a fish ended.

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Granted.

I wish for 100,000 _____s. Fill in the blank.

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Granted, you now have 100,000 _____s. What do you mean "Fill in the blank"? An underline is not blank... Is it?

I wish that Flamebirde would be arrested for inciting fish cannibalism.

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As in, the genie decides what I get 100,000 units of.

Granted, but the fish police forget why he's in jail after 3 seconds and let him go.

Edited by OmegaScales
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I wish that the world were a better place.

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Granted. The world of Pluto has now been transformed into a lush environment filled with happy people and animals. Too bad it would take you a while to get there.

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I wish I was a cat.

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Granted... you now exist only in the cartoon world getting beaten by a mouse all day long

Ironic, I came on this forum for the first time due to a msg from Kestrelknight on another forum and had to post this... :P

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I feel so honored.

I wish the Earth was flat.

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Boom!

The Earth is just a comic that someone has drawn on a planet called Squamiglia. Even this post is just a figment of their imagination.

I wish I could find an incredibly rich, old person almost on their deathbed, who would leave me all their money legally, because they know I wouldn't waste it on stupid and unnecessary things. Like donuts. Or presents for a girlfriend that only cares about my money (or looks)...

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Granted, Found one senile old man. They have lived such a rich and full life that it is only $4.50 which you are condemned to spend wisely rather than spend it all on the winning lottery ticket which I have ensured is the very next one to be sold at your local dairy.

The previous genie did grant your wish by choosing what 100,000 things to give you but by being excessively literal you got 100,000 underlines. Be sure not to use any more than that or the universe could start acting in a unpredicatble‚Äč in a MORE unpredictable fashion. Your protest of such a wish being fulfilled implies that it was successfully corrupted. I thank you for your high praises of Evil Genies Inc as it means I get a raise.

I wish my raise was much higher than $4.50

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Your raise

$4.50

Edited by kestrelknight
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@KK I'm afraid I cannot accept that as a granting of my wish as you have not yet wished. You have until the next person to wish to remedy the situation or my wish will go though uncorrupted. Mwahahahaha

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I didn't understand a word of that. Seriously.

I wish that phaze made a little more sense just then.

Also that the "situation" can be remedied.

Edited by kestrelknight
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Granted. Phaze made 50 more cents :D Thank you

I wish for... World Peace

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Granted. Phaze made 50 more cents :D Thank you

I wish for... World Peace

Granted, but assuming the human desire for violence still exists, money is poured into the violent-video game market as a release which ends up taking away money from more important investments, causing a global economic collapse, reversion to the bartering system, and a setback in terms of innovation due to lack of funding and interest in personal needs. People who still can't riot end up turning their violent urges on themselves, destroying 1/3 of the global population. During the ensuing lack-of-squabble, nobody can claim the loot in fear of angering others. At the same time, all relief aid to those in third-world countries ends and due to the internal problems, global trade shuts down. Oil, a non-necessary for survival, is no longer collected. People are back to the times of hunting-gathering.

I wish that Congress actually had the ability to, and indeed did - make decisions based on the preferences of the American people, in the aim of helping the common man, other countries, and the environment.

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Granted, Anyone who is not a serving member of congress has been deported overseas. This drastically reduces American carbon emissions, and provides cheap skilled labour for other countries.

I wish that whoever grants this wish would be subjected to cruel punishment for my amusement.

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My associate will grant that for you. Enjoy watching him get bit in the crotch by a piranha!

I wish to be able to do whatever I want, where ever I want, whenever I want, as many times as I want, without getting in trouble, nor looked down upon, nor interrupted in any way.

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Granted, As it goes against the genie code to change what you want the only solution is mass genocide of ever other sentient be....

I wish I exist

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Granted - you now exist in a world where OmegaScales is supreme lord and ruler of... well, everything, really. Enjoy repopulating the world with him, though.

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