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MissKitten
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Since I remembered this joke, I felt like posting it before I forgot.

So Timmy was a relatively young boy. He was walking to school one morning when a purple squirrel sprang out of the bushes and scared him half to death. He freaked out, screamed, and stood rooted to his spot in shock for several minutes after the squirrel ran away. Then he remembered he had school, and hightailed to the school.

But he was still late. The teacher asked him, "Timmy, why are you late?"

Timmy, out of breath, replied, "Sorry... *pant pant* But a purple.... *pant pant* squirrel jumped out at me.....*pant pant* and--"

"TIMMY!" cried the teacher. "I never thought you would say something like that! Go to the principal's office! NOW!"

Confused, Timmy made his way to the principal's office. The principal asked, "Well, hello there, Timmy! What are you doing here? You never get in trouble."

Timmy replied, "Well, I was late to school because a purple squirrel--"

The principal jumped in his chair, almost knocking his desk over. "TIMMY!" he cried. "Why would you say such a thing? Get out of this school! You've been expelled!"

More than a little puzzled, Timmy despondently [vocab word! yay!] made his way back home. At home, his mother saw him come in and asked, "Why Timmy, you're supposed to be at school. Why are you here?"

"Well," said Timmy, hoping his mother could help him understand what was going on. "I was late to school and I tried to tell the teacher why and she sent me to the principal and the principal expelled me and I don't know why."

"And why were you late, Timmy?" his mother asked.

"A purple squirrel--"

"TIMMY! How dare you! No son of mine says such horrible things!" screamed his mother in shock and anger. "Get out of this house! You've been disowned! Don't ever set foot here again!"

So Timmy proceeded to the police station. The officer on duty asked him, "Hey there Timmy! Are you here to report a crime?"

"No, sir," replied Timmy.

"Then why are you here?" asked the officer.

"Well, I've been kicked out of my classroom, my school, AND my house, and I was hoping you could help me."

"And why were you kicked out?"

"Well, a purple squirrel--"

"TIMMY! What did you just say? Get out of this station before I arrest you!" screamed the police officer.

So Timmy went to the mayor's office. The mayor asked, "Hello, son! And what are you doing here this fine day?"

"Well, I've been kicked out of my classroom, my school, my home, AND the police station, and I think I know why, but it makes no sense and I was hoping you could explain it to me."

"And what do you think is the reason, son? Maybe I can help you."

"Well, I think it's because I said 'purple squirrels' but that makes no--"

"TIMMY!" screamed the mayor. "You of all people should know not to say that! Oh, the horror! What is the youth becoming? Get out of this city!"

So Timmy made his way towards Washington, D.C., and, eventually, the White House. He met the president, who said, "Timmy! What a surprise! What are you doing here?"

Now more confused then ever, Timmy asked, "Well, Mr. President, I have a bit of a dilemma and I was hoping you could help me out?"

"And what may that dilemma be?" asked the president.

"Well, sir, I was kicked out of my classroom, my school, my home, the police station, AND my city," replied Timmy, ticking them off on his fingers. "And I have a theory, but it makes no sense. I think it's because I said 'purple squirrels', but--"

"TIMMY!" said the president in shock. "I never expected such a well-bred young boy such as you to say something as horrible as that! Get out of this country!"

So Timmy started making his way to the airport to board a flight to England. As he was crosing a busy street, he was so absorbed in his puzzlement that he didn't notice the semi barreling down on him. The semi wasn't able to stop in time and ran him over, instantly killing him.

Look both ways before crossing the road!

Desperate plea for forgiveness: I didn't mean it! Please don't kill me!

Also, credit is due here as well. I credit hotterthnfire for telling me this joke and almost being murdered in the process because he wasted five minutes of my life. Yes, it really is that long told aloud.

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Didn't know there was another phil. Sorry. It won't happen again! *solemn expression* And yeah, the joke....well, I thought it was funny. The absolute pointlessness of everything is, I think, hilarious. Of course, I'm kinda sad that you never find out what the purple aquirrel has to do with anything. :( But whatevs. :P

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@framm Well, I actually don't really know.

@Mo I don't think so.

Okay, blanket disclaimer time.

Blanket disclaimer...thingy: THE PURPLE SQUIRRELS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL JOKE OTHER THAN PROVIDING A BACKGROUND FOR THE PLOT. PLEASE DON'T ADD RANDOM MEANINGS TO THE SQUIRREL AND TRY TO MAKE THE JOKE REVOLVE AROUND THEM. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SQUIRRELS IS TO MAKE YOU ANGRY BECAUSE IT SETS UP A STORY AND GIVES YOU A WHOLE DIFFERENT ENDING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SQUIRRELS WHATSOEVER. ALL POSTS REGARDING THE MEANING OF THE AQUIRRELS WILL BE DULY IGNORED [unless they actually pertain to the joke and are funny enough to respond to].

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It reminds me of a joke about cereal and the 99th step (you'll explode!).

Anyway, the purple squirrel is actually a reference to the woom.

seahorse? That's cool!

BTW, I just found something out about purple squirrels. Hang on a sec, I'll show you.

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@Framm I actually fond your comment hilarious. Sorry if it didn't seem like it. :( The blanket disclaimer was because I could sense a lot of "But I don't get the purple squirrel.... :( Oh! :o Wait! Is it...<insert random bogus meaning here>" coming.

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I never imagined that the term "p***** s******** " would have to be censored someday...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!?

Strange-animal-that-must-not-be-named is now a heinous word, young children. :blink:

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I didnt get this joke at all i mean that timmy was a moron! Even I could have figured out to use another term such as redish blue rodent instead of that awful P***** S****** word that was getting him in so much trouble.&nbsp;&nbsp;The getting hit by the truck obviously just reinforced that Timmy was shall we say intellectually challenged. Perhaps the moral of the story should have been something like, being a moron can be hasardous to your health! Or trucks are far more deadly that small rodents regardless of their color (unless of course thre are thousands of them or perhaps if they are zombie rodents, or worse thousands of zombie rodents. yeah that would be bad a zombie squirrel apocalypse!Another moral I could think of would be that if you spend your life in fear of everyday occurances, you will die unhappy and alone like that pathetic Timmy (squirrels and other rodents, regardles of their color are pretty common almost everywhere.). There is also the tried and true moral that can never be to oft repeated that you shoudl be wary of ready anythign that MiKi writes, come to think of it I think that is the best moral of the story WATCH OUT FOR MIKI!!!

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