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A 4 year old boy was told to pray before his family ate dinner that night. He prayed about how great Jesus was for saving us. He also prayed about the food and bleesed the potatos, peas, pie, cobbler, rolls, beans, okra, and turkey. He paused a moment and every one waited. Finally, he looked up at his mom and said, "If I told God to bless the broccoli, wouldn't he know that I'm lying?"

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A Christian man lives in a 4 story house. There is a flood ( the guy lives on the second floor). He goes up to the 3rd floor and prays: "God, please save me from the flood." Soon, 2 guys come by in a boat and say, "hey, need a lift?" The guy says, "no, God will save me." the men leave and he runs up the the 4th floor. Then he prays again: "God, please save me from the flood." Another boat comes by with the same 2 people and they say, " come on, we need to get out of here!" And again the guy says, " no, God will save me." The guys leave, and he runs up to the roof. And again he prays: "God, please save me from the flood."Soon a helicopter comes by and says, " you're the last person not evacuated! quick, get up here!" the man says, " no, God will save me." The still try to persuade him, but he stands firm. They leave, and the man drowns as the water overtakes him. In Heaven, the man asks God, "Why didn't You save me, Lord?" God says, " what do you mean? I sent two boats and a helicopter for you!" :duh:

Edited by flamebirde

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Teacher: Do you think Noah did a lot of fishing during the flood?

Student: No

Teacher: What?!? Why not?!?

Student: I don't think you can catch a lot with only two worms.

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When I was younger I used to pray to god every night to give me a new bicycle. Then I realized that's not how god works, so I stole one and prayed for is forgiveness instead.

*Disclaimer* Not my joke. Professional comedian Emo Philips

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When I was younger I used to pray to god every night to give me a new bicycle. Then I realized that's not how god works, so I stole one and prayed for is forgiveness instead.

*Disclaimer* Not my joke. Professional comedian Emo Philips

Donno if this predates Tales of Mere Existence series, but also a good one to check out. There's one called Why I Don't Believe in God.

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Poor little Herbie. Since his birth, poor blind Herbie had never seen the light of day. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day would be a very special one. If he prayed extra hard to Jesus, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.

Eagerly, Herbie crouched down on his knees beside his bed andput his hands together. For hours, he prayed and prayed to Jesus.

The next morning Herbie's mother came into his room and gently woke him from his sleep.

"Well Herbie, open your eyes and you'll know that Jesus answered your prayers."

Little Herbie slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I STILL CAN'T SEE!"

"I know, dear," said his mother. "APRIL FOOL!"

:(

ALSO:

Q: What does an orthodox Muslim who eats ham sandwiches need?

A: Mo' ham ed.

Edited by peace*out

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@Flame This entire thread is full of religion-ist jokes...

@Peace That's sad... yet so funny! :lol: I'm sorry, I just think it's hilarious how the mother was like, "APRIL FOOLS!"

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A Rabbi in full attire walks into a bar. As soon as the bartender sees him, he asks the man to leave. The Jew, a bit taken aback asks, "Are Jews not allowed in this establishment?" The barman replies, "No, we're just remodeling and there's a risk of asbestos." The Rabbi thanks him for the warning, leaves, and goes about his business.

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Did you just call me slick? =/

Asbestos is bad for you. The bartender was letting the Rabbi know that there were harmful particles in the air and that he shouldn't be there.

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@Molly :duh: Methinks I need to get some sleep..... Yeah, sorry about that.... :blush:

So the rabbi should leave because the air's bad for him? I feel like there's something I should be getting but I don't.....

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So the rabbi should leave because the air's bad for him? I feel like there's something I should be getting but I don't.....

The humour stems from the fact that you're looking for a punchline, but there isn't one.

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