Obscure Jokes

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Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton were playing hide-and-seek. Einstein counted to twenty and Pascal ran off, but Newton just drew a square in the ground around himself with a stick. Einstein turned around, saw Newton, and said, "I've found you!" Newton looked confused. "No," he said, "You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

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Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton were playing hide-and-seek. Einstein counted to twenty and Pascal ran off, but Newton just drew a square in the ground around himself with a stick. Einstein turned around, saw Newton, and said, "I've found you!" Newton looked confused. "No," he said, "You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

lol

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with at grape?

A: wine

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mosquito?

A: |Elephant| |Mosquito| Sin(a)

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

A: Trick question; you can't cross a scaler with a vector.

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A mathematician goes home with a hot chick he picked up at a bar (no, that's not the joke :P). As they are undressing each other, the chick stops and frowns at his "equipment".

"Is there something wrong?" The mathematician asks.

"It's just so...normal." The girl replies.

The mathematician blinks. "Is there something wrong?"

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NaCl

------

NaOH

The base is under assault! :D:lol:

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Q: What's a triangle's favorite pick up line?

A: Hey baby, what's your sine.

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Q: What's a triangle's favorite pick up line?

A: Hey baby, what's your sine.

Either 0 or 1 depending on who is asking, I think we can both tell I am not your type

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What does a teenage boy and an enzyme helicase have in common?

They both want to unzip your jeans/genes.

========================================================

A song:

Billy was a chemist's son,

but now he is no more,

cause he thought was H2O

was H2SO4.

=====================================

Argon walks into a bar when the bartender says:

"WE DON'T SERVE NOBLE GASES HERE!!!"

Argon doesn't react.

=======================================

Schrodinger is being pulled over by the police.

He believed that there was something in his trunk.

The police opens the trunk to find a dead cat in the drunk.

The police asked Schrodinger if he knew about the cat.

Schrondinger replied, "Well, I do now!"

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Ha, I like those...that song is pretty catchy ;).

How about some chicken jokes...everyone likes chicken, eh?

Why did Brown's chicken cross the road?

No reason, it was just a random walk.

Why did Schrodinger's chicken cross the road?

It heard what happened to his cat.

Why did Einstein's chicken cross the road?

Well, it would argue the road crossed it.

Why did Pauli's chicken cross the road?

There was an identical chicken on the former side.

Why did L'Hopital's chicken cross the road?

It had been pushed to it's limit.

Why did Bernoulli's chicken cross the road?

It was under pressure.

Why did Planck's chicken cross the road?

It was no longer barred.

Why did Pascal's chicken cross the road?

It just added up.

Edited by Yoruichi-san
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A mathematician goes home with a hot chick he picked up at a bar (no, that's not the joke :P). As they are undressing each other, the chick stops and frowns at his "equipment".

"Is there something wrong?" The mathematician asks.

"It's just so...normal." The girl replies.

The mathematician blinks. "Is there something wrong?"

can someone explain this?

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This is a real one....on the inner wall of a W.C. someone wrote this with red paint" long live the communist party of russia "

and underneath,another one replays with this " YES....but only in W.C. " !!

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Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

When they find the time, they can't find the energy. And v.v.

Does this explain the scarcity of quantum physicists?

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Two math students walk into their TA's office hours, but he's not there, and there is a message on the whiteboard:

"Repent your sin."

"Is this a prank? That's odd," one says.

The other nods. "Yes, it is." Then he walks up to the board, picks up the eraser and a marker, and moves the period.

The first student looks confused. "Why did you do that?"

The second student smiles. "Cos now we're even."

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hey, can you explain the mathematician and a chick joke? I don't get it. That other one is funny though. ;)

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,...mathematically speaking, means perpendicular to the plane.

...you'll figure out when you're older ;P.

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So the mathematician thinks she means normal as in perpendicular when she means... what exactly?

By the way I think I already get the rest. not many people get through half of middle school before you start figuring things out. ;)

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A physicist walks into a bar and sees a smoking hot chick smiling at him. Gathering up his courage, he starts towards her, only to be cut off by an old man.

"Hey, stay away from my wife!" the old man growls.

"Your wife???" the physicists blinks. "Are you really rich?"

"Nope."

"Were you like a famous musician or athlete or actor or director or something?"

"Nope."

"Then how in the world did you get a woman that hot?"

The old man chuckles. "Boy, she's about 40 light years out of your league."

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So the mathematician thinks she means normal as in perpendicular when she means... what exactly?

By the way I think I already get the rest. not many people get through half of middle school before you start figuring things out. ;)

Size.

Just to check, you know what 'perpendicular to the plane' means?

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Q: What did the hungry tiger do when it met the particle physicist?

A: It "lepton" him.

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Copper, Tin, and a chemist all live in the same house. One day, Copper was messing around and shoved Tin into an oven. Copper tumbles in after him, and the chemist shuts the door. Tin is exasperated, and yells "Copper, I'm starting to get alloyed with you!"

Alloyed, annoyed? Anyone?

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Okay, so there are two rubber ducks in a bathtub, and one of them says to the other, "Pass the soap!" The other one says, "Do I look like a typewriter?"

Edit: does everyone already know this one?

Edited by Kikacat123
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I don't get it, but I googled it!

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for (int i=1; i<=100; i++) {

System.out.println("I will not talk during class");

}

Loops should start at 0.

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What are these thngs?
post-1048-1228469946.gif
Clue: the one on the left is a centimeter.
Edit:
Seriously? This is an easy one.
Maybe Freshman Physics would help, but nothing more is needed.
Edited by bonanova
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Einstein started out as a geometer.

 

E = m ( a2 + b2 )

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