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  1. 7 points
    A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician. "You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret!" "What is your secret?" the mathematician asked. "It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine." "But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested. "I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!"
  2. 7 points
    Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the least, rude. Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, anything she could think of. Nothing worked. She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird became even madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace. For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm. Perfectly calm, the parrot said, "I am very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior, and I am sure it will never happen again." Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
  3. 5 points
    eq ( 1 ) Study = not failed eq. ( 2 ) not study = failed add eq ( 1 ) & ( 2 ) study + not study = fail + not fail study ( 1 + not ) = fail ( 1 + not ) study = fail Then why should we study??
  4. 5 points
    Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
  5. 4 points
    In an insane asylum, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them an intelligence test. He turns to the first man and asks, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The Doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The Doctor turns to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man proudly. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you arrive at that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
  6. 4 points
    I think someone has an issue with me. I have been working hard to keep the forum questions alive but someone or maybe several people have gone through and have marked down every entry i have posted. This upsets me and makes me not want to continue participating here.
  7. 4 points
    If I only knew that I'd end up with cronic heart palpitations and a compressed spine from sitting hunched over a computer all the time, I would never have started down this slippery slope called "mafia".
  8. 4 points
    Though i am immortal, but the page no. 140 of my dictionary is, where i met death.
  9. 4 points
    rookie for BD, LiD for smileys, Y-san for enigmas, PG for donuts, plasmid for letting us know who he's not, slick for rollin', & fabby for ... well, being fabulous, obviously.
  10. 4 points
    An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.
  11. 3 points
    Fair enough. Honestly, though, from the admittedly little I've read, I feel kinda sorry for her. I had an awkward childhood, being a geek, introvert, one of those creative ppl who are hyper-sensitive (supposedly it's why so many, like, famous artists, poets, composers, and whatnot go insane), and, like, only Asian person at my school. I didn't develop very good social skills, well, any social skills at all, really, until I went to a college where the majority of the population was actually more socially awkward than me! . Later, I met a girl who had the same issues as I did when I was younger and I felt really bad for her, I wished I had helped her more, but I think I was afraid...maybe of exposing myself to my memories of hard times . I dunno...I think my biggest regrets in life are when I feel like I could have helped ppl but I chose not to...:/ Anyways, I wish the best for this Sakura Chan and hope she'll eventually find her way like I did, I would like to thank you for sharing your perspective, and I hope ppl here treat and are treated with the respect and kindness they deserve .
  12. 3 points
  13. 3 points
    It swung once. Then twice. then the cantaloupe being launched from the catapult was going, going, gone, speared perfectly by the flag on top of the White House.
  14. 3 points
    We changed the description of the role at the last minute (same abilities, but we made it clearer). No other reason. I like that explanation better than the one I would have given which was "Oops, I made a mistake". Anyway, if you thought maybe mock trial was a secret indy, no he is the real goodie, all the dark blue ones are the secret indies. (joking, definitely joking. There is no secret anything.)
  15. 3 points
    Theorem: All numbers are boring. Proof (by contradiction): Suppose x is the first non-boring number. Who cares?
  16. 3 points
    $1 = 100 cents = (10 cents)2 = ($0.1)2 = $0.01 = 1c
  17. 3 points
    A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person. - They have multiplied, said the biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.
  18. 3 points
    You can get into politics if you act like you're smart. You can't stay in politics, however, if you're actually smart. You'll be found out & replaced.
  19. 2 points
    In our circles you may find A laugh, a wink, a grin But pressure us we'll likely snap And send away our kin. We don't do much, we go to pot Such simple ones are we But with your hand we take command Or from you we will flee.
  20. 2 points
    Agree. When I hit the send button, I realized my thinking was too simple. But instead of deleting my post (moderator privilege) I left it to take its licks.
  21. 2 points
    Say we want to simulate an N sided die.
  22. 2 points
    (This puzzle is from a blog called By Way Of Contradiction.) Imagine you have a circular cake, that is frosted on the top. You cut a d degree slice out of it, and then put it back, but rotated so that it is upside down. Now, d degrees of the cake have frosting on the bottom, while 360 minus d degrees have frosting on the top. Rotate the cake d degrees, take the next slice, and put it upside down. Now, assuming the d is less than 180, 2d degrees of the cake will have frosting on the bottom. If d is 60 degrees, then after you repeat this procedure, flipping a single slice and rotating 6 times, all the frosting will be on the bottom. If you repeat the procedure 12 times, all of the frosting will be back on the top of the cake. For what values of d does the cake eventually get back to having all the frosting on the top?
  23. 2 points
    I swear: 1) To strangle the next person who uses 'suicide' as a verb. 2) That if I offended or hurt you in any way, I didn't mean it. 3) That I'll stop procrastinating. Tomorrow. Add whatever you swear.
  24. 2 points
    Personally, the original reason I believed in God is that an adult told me he existed when I was little and, being little, I took their word. But over time, I've listened to people talk about their experiences with God and seen it with others. I think I've seen Him get me through a lot of stuff the past few years that I don't think I'd have been able to make it through alone. You could say that I got through them because I worked hard, or just because believing in a higher power has some effect psychologically, or that there were coincidences involved, but when I put it all together, those reasons just don't work for me. But if I had to give just one reason that I believe God is real, it would be that He told me so. Audibly.
  25. 2 points
  26. 2 points
    This also reminds me of this (Concave and Convex by MC Escher):
  27. 2 points
    who can conquer the world with aching calves?
  28. 2 points
    With a little bit of magical sleight-of-letter:
  29. 2 points
    If I only knew , I wouldn't have had to thereby avoiding when I saw . .
  30. 2 points
    Is Dark Magician going, going, gone?
  31. 2 points
    It's the probability of picking the number 0.500... from all the real numbers in [0, 1].
  32. 2 points
    Ok, so by that logic if I go and fill out the lottery, there are 2 possibilities, either I win or I lose, so probability of me winning is 1/2... But yeah as kingofpain said, the probability is 0, you can think of it like this: the rope is 1 meter long and you pick a number between 0 and 1 and slice there, now, how many numbers are there between 0 and 1? (even if you think of the rope in a 3D space and give it a diameter the answer doesn't change)
  33. 2 points
  34. 2 points
  35. 2 points
    At first MiKi was going, going, gone. Now she's coming, coming, back. ((Basically just spreading the news of my return to the soul-sucking websites that are BD and MM ))
  36. 2 points
    W00T! Good game! Music triumphs again!
  37. 2 points
    Sing a lullaby to the cougar... "Soft Kitty" would probably work
  38. 2 points
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vLNOpoQztFo
  39. 2 points
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=52CzD31SqaM
  40. 2 points
    The spring is in your step b/c someone *cough* O:) put silly putty on the bottom of your shoes.
  41. 2 points
  42. 2 points
    When I was five, my uncle offered me a 2 for 1 deal: two dimes for my one quarter...unfortunately for him, the Mathgirl gene expresses itself at a young age ;P.
  43. 2 points
    I'd just like to thank real life for being unpredictable and not giving me any time to come on here anymore
  44. 2 points
    I'd just like to thank Siri for giving me hope in depressing times with only my iPhone for company.
  45. 2 points
    ...be prepared for the inevitable wedgie.
  46. 2 points
    You know you're a grammar Nazi when you look at the latest post in One Up Me by flamebirde and you smile because he used "you're" instead of "your."
  47. 2 points
    What happens in quantum statistical thermodynamics stays in quantum statistical thermodynamics...b/c no one else cares.
  48. 2 points
    That would seem more impressive if we added a molten lava volcano to the end of every sentence, replacing the last word of the molten lava volcano.
  49. 2 points
    Out of the frying pan and on to the floor. Back into the frying pan, let hope none of the guests saw.
  50. 2 points
    Pandas would never run in the first place.
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