What is brown and black and looks good on an attorney?
A Doberman.
What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A lawyer can take off his wing tips.
A lawyer died and found himself in Hell. The lawyer demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained about the accomodations, insisting that he be restored to his former lifestyle. The lawyer complained so long and so loudly that the Devil finally told the lawyer that he could return, but he would be required to send down the souls of his wife and children. The lawyer replied "so what's the catch?".
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