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Chuck Norris Jokes


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224 replies to this topic

#41 4wheelchick

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 09:35 PM

??? I hate to break it to you but Itachi didn't come up with those Chuck Norris jokes... He lives them.
If you decrypt "itachi-san" using the Keyword "roundhouse" you get Chuck Norris. (at least in BrainDen :P )

nice :lol: ;)
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#42 4wheelchick

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 09:36 PM

Hey everyone, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but carlosn27 will no longer be with us. His last post...


...Was read by Chuck Norris. And last night, well, to put it delicately.... carlosn27 was the reason that Chuck Norris flushed 7 times this morning.

:P

ur 2 funny... B)) :lol:
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#43 pieman

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 11:33 PM

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.


chuck norris cant get cold! :o
the first false chuck norris fact i have ever heard :o
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#44 itachi-san

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 03:42 PM

chuck norris cant get cold! :o
the first false chuck norris fact i have ever heard :o

Wrong, Chuck Norris gets whatever he wants ;)

When Chuck Norris is faced with the Liar and the Truth-teller, he just stares them down and they both tell the truth

Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only human that could fly

Chuck Norris does not sleep with a gun under his pillows, he sleeps with a pillow under his guns

Chuck Norris separated South and North Dakota, then Carolina split out of fear

Chuck Norris is always on top when he has sex because he never screws up!

When Chuck Norris walks anywhere, he stays in the same place. The Earth spins underneath him.

A drunk driver hit Chuck Norris while he was jogging. The driver died on impact, Chuck Norris carried him to the morgue, and then carried the car to a dealer.

Chuck Norris once got into a knife fight and stabbed the knife!

Chuck Norris once made a woman orgasm by looking at her and saying "Boo Yah!"

When Google wants to know something it asks Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris' car runs out of gas he keeps it running on fear and tells it when to stop

Chuck Norris was once hit with an atomic bomb. When the explosion was over only Chuck and a cockroach remained. But something felt amiss, so Chuck stepped on the bug

Chuck Norris came before the egg

In the movie Jurassic Park do you remember the part where the T-Rex was chasing the Jeep? Well, it was really Chuck Norris chasing the T-Rex AND the Jeep

Chuck Norris is the only Texas Ranger who doesn't make arrests, he just gets confirmed kills

Chuck Norris can breath Carbon Dioxide

Chuck Norris created himself to his image

Chuck Norris has 42 chromosomes.................... all poisonous

If you put on a movie with Chuck Norris in it, you aren't watching Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is watching YOU!

Chuck Norris has never won an award for acting. Because he isn't acting.

When Chuck Norris plays Craps in Vegas, he always rolls a seven...with only one die.

Why would anyone say "Chuck Norris is a Bad @ss!"? That is redundant. You might as well just say "Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris!"

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

If you bite Chuck Norris he doesn't get teeth marks, your teeth get Chuck Norris marks

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris can liquefy your kidneys
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#45 4wheelchick

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 07:30 PM

wow... :lol: :lol:
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#46 itachi-san

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:41 AM

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with a watermelon.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

When Chuck Norris sneezes, he doesn't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!" because that's what happens next. :lol:

Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg and can beat you without using them.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma at an extremely volatile pressure.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

In Texas, the code word for "death penalty" is "bed time story with Chuck"

When Chuck Norris sees a fire, he doesn't put it out... he makes love to it and never calls back.

chuk noris is global warming......... this is Chuck Norris finishing the joke since the bum who began it is now dead for misspelling my name. Not in my Chucktatorship!
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#47 itachi-san

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 04:58 AM

If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris can't do he will come to your house and do them all. Then he roundhouse kicks your stove in half

Chuck Norris took a picture once, it was worth one word...FEAR!

Chuck Norris doesn't go to a bar to pick up chicks, he goes to pick out chicks!

If Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick doesn't kill you, the whirlwind it creates will!

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out in robot mode.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Chuck Norris challenged Stephen Hawkins to a game of tic tac toe and won in two moves

God gave the world light because he was afraid to face Chuck Norris in the dark.

chuck was watching tv when a Trix commercial came on. So infuriated by this he traveled to the studio and round house kicked every small child he could find and when he was done he said silly kids Trix are for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris WAS a playable character on Street Fighter, but due to a glitch he was taken out. Every button pressed would make Chuck perform a one hit K.O. roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch Chuck Norris simply replied "That is no glitch."

Chuck Norris found the needle in the hay stack!

John Rambo is based on Chuck Norris' childhood... only its censored

I once saw Chuck Norris Eat a Rubics Cube and poop it out solved.

Chuck Norris can talk about fight club

Mr T pities the fool, Chuck puts them out of their misery

Chuck Norris was the first to prove that we all look the same on the inside.

Chuck Norris lives in a round house

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. Always. It doesn't matter how fast you turn your head to see him.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Viruses have to let Chuck Norris run his course.

The only man to get inside a Black Hole and come back was Chuck Norris, and that's because he's the one who punched it into existence

Walker Texas Ranger was an attempt by Chuck Norris to show his gentle side

Chuck Norris calls a 'no holds barred', any weapon, to the death, 20 ninja street brawl... a lazy Tuesday afternoon

Chuck Norris can crack a walnut with his eyelids.

When Chuck Norris goes home to relax he doesn't sit on the couch, the couch slides under him and reclines.

Chuck Norris is so tough his poop scares flies away

When Chuck Norris came out of the womb, he declared himself his own Guardian.

Chuck Norris once stared at a carton of orange juice because it said concentrate, it exploded violently

Chuck Norris once punched a hurricane in the eye.

Chuck Norris can do 100 chin-ups...with his chin.

When Jesus turned water into wine, Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
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#48 4wheelchick

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 02:24 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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#49 sandmanchua

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 10:46 AM

The earth actually got 1 wonder thats is chuck norris.
He built the 7 wonders of the earth.

Pluto in the galaxy system is acutally a planet as chuck norris threw a tissue paper and the pluto is gone...( as the scentist discover that recently)

The earth does not turn at the begining. when chuck norris walk the earth turn.

chuck norris create the superheros.

chuck norris force superman to wear red underwear outside to remind him that chuck norris is the strongest man.
chuck norris once throw hulk up in the sky so high that hulk so scare that the skin colour still remain green.
chuck norris once kick a iron can to a man that the iron still stuck on the man body. thats why iron man was create.
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#50 sandmanchua

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 10:53 AM

the earth in the begining is only 1 big continent but when chuck norris hop the Continent splits into 7 Continents that give you the asia, north and south america and so on...


when chuck norris drink slurpee, his brain wont freeze. the slurpee freeze.


chuck noriris like the colour blue thats why god make the sky blue.
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