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Chuck Norris Jokes


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224 replies to this topic

#31 carlosn27

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Posted 07 June 2008 - 07:41 PM

uh...viagra is that stuff that gives u a...u know ;) I don't exactly git this... :D :huh:

ummm.....his "strong" schlong killed everyone.
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#32 itachi-san

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Posted 07 June 2008 - 10:41 PM

Chuck Norris is a paradox because he is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object
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#33 new guest

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Posted 08 June 2008 - 11:31 PM

someone tried to carve Chuck Norris into Mount Rushmore, but the rock wasn't hard enough for his beard.
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#34 itachi-san

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Posted 09 June 2008 - 05:45 AM

Chuck Norris starts his day like every regular guy: by unshackling his ankle bracelets and descending 40 feet to the floor below. Fully naked, Chuck then flosses his teeth with steel wool. Then he eats a bowl of dynamite, takes a massive four-flush dump, and wipes his butt with intercepted letters to Santa Claus. He jumps into his clothes and kicks his way through walls until he reaches the kitchen.
After breakfast, Chuck wills his mail from his mailbox to his hand and uses the Spear of Destiny as a letter opener. Chuck Norris not only stays up to date on current events but future ones as well so that he can ruin the ending to new Harry Potter books before they're even written.
After reading five thousand fan letters while standing on hot coals he then showers in fire. Before work he does 1,000 pushups with his chin fist and eats a canister of nerve gas. Much of his afternoon is then taken up by filming Walker Texas Ranger and various roundhouse heavy films. He then hunts a random human for sport and has been known to kill jackals who try to steal some of his kill.
Chuck's life after sunset remains a mystery, though there have been several leaks of information involving bears, helicopters, the Bermuda Triangle, cowboy hats, mythical demons, and every woman in the world. Though none have been confirmed, all these assumptions are believed to be true.
The only thing actually known about his nights is that before he sleeps, Chuck Norris likes to sit in the dark and silently pray that his enemies get stronger.

Edited by itachi-san, 09 June 2008 - 05:48 AM.

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#35 4wheelchick

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:14 AM

Chuck Norris starts his day like every regular guy: by unshackling his ankle bracelets and descending 40 feet to the floor below. Fully naked, Chuck then flosses his teeth with steel wool. Then he eats a bowl of dynamite, takes a massive four-flush dump, and wipes his butt with intercepted letters to Santa Claus. He jumps into his clothes and kicks his way through walls until he reaches the kitchen.
After breakfast, Chuck wills his mail from his mailbox to his hand and uses the Spear of Destiny as a letter opener. Chuck Norris not only stays up to date on current events but future ones as well so that he can ruin the ending to new Harry Potter books before they're even written.
After reading five thousand fan letters while standing on hot coals he then showers in fire. Before work he does 1,000 pushups with his chin fist and eats a canister of nerve gas. Much of his afternoon is then taken up by filming Walker Texas Ranger and various roundhouse heavy films. He then hunts a random human for sport and has been known to kill jackals who try to steal some of his kill.
Chuck's life after sunset remains a mystery, though there have been several leaks of information involving bears, helicopters, the Bermuda Triangle, cowboy hats, mythical demons, and every woman in the world. Though none have been confirmed, all these assumptions are believed to be true.
The only thing actually known about his nights is that before he sleeps, Chuck Norris likes to sit in the dark and silently pray that his enemies get stronger.

how do u come up/find with this stuff? ;) ur soo funny...look at all those posts...wow!!! :lol: :D
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#36 Frost

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 03:02 AM

Chuck Norris is a paradox because he is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object


Nice. B))
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#37 carlosn27

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 04:38 AM

Chuck Norris ....takes a massive four-flush dump.....

only 4 flushes.....the wimp :P
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#38 itachi-san

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 06:39 AM

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish...in water

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he absorbs the dark.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Wheaties are on the Chuck Norris Box

Drugs gets high off of Chuck Norris

In Spain, men flee for their lives in the "Running of the Bulls". Afterwards, the bulls flee for their lives in the "Running of Chuck Norris".

If you are what you eat, Chuck Norris is dynamite.

The police pullover for Chuck Norris to pass.

Lighting never strikes in the same spot twice because it fears Chuck Norris will find it

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond!

Jesus walked on water, Chuck Norris swam through a mountain

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret

Alarm clocks are too scared to wake up Chuck Norris

When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris!
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#39 Brandonb

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 08:50 PM

Hey everyone, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but carlosn27 will no longer be with us. His last post...

only 4 flushes.....the wimp :P

...Was read by Chuck Norris. And last night, well, to put it delicately.... carlosn27 was the reason that Chuck Norris flushed 7 times this morning.

:P
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#40 Brandonb

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Posted 10 June 2008 - 08:56 PM

how do u come up/find with this stuff? ;) ur soo funny...look at all those posts...wow!!! :lol: :D

??? I hate to break it to you but Itachi didn't come up with those Chuck Norris jokes... He lives them.
If you decrypt "itachi-san" using the Keyword "roundhouse" you get Chuck Norris. (at least in BrainDen :P )
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