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Chuck Norris Jokes


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224 replies to this topic

#221 TheCube

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Posted 29 May 2012 - 06:22 PM

Chuck Norris can do this with 1/2 a finger
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Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill just laughed at Jack as he sat there unconscious.

Jack should've known that Jill was a baddie . . .

#222 flamebirde

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 01:03 AM

are you kidding? he can do that without a keyboard, strapped to a bomb that goes of in a second underwater chained to the ground and surrounded by volcanoes that are about to go off.
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Mafiosos and mafiosas of the world, unite! And then kill each other in a particularly tricky move that everyone suspects but never anticipates.

stand back. I'm going to apply logic.

 

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#223 Poul

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 05:00 PM

Joke #1:

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

 

 

Joke #2:

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits

 

 

Joke #3:

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

 

Joke #4:

Chuck Norris once killed a man 3 hours before the fight broke out.

 

 

Joke #5:

Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.


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#224 Poul

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 05:01 PM

Joke #6:

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

 

 

Joke #7:

Bigfoot thinks Chuck Norris is a myth.

 

 

Joke #8:

Chuck Norris knows Victorias Secret.

 

 

Joke #9:

You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

 

 

Joke #10:

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room, the bears not dead it's just afraid to move.


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#225 joef1000

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:15 PM

Chuck Norris' keyboard has two buttons: 0 and 1

Chuck Norris' computer can solve the halting problem

Chuck Norris has counted to aleph one. Twice.

Chuck Norris can count the real numbers

Chuck Norris knows all of pi

Chuck Norris's computer never crashes because it is afraid to

Chuck Norris doesn't need antivirus, viruses are afraid to enter his computer 

Chuck Norris can type sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root without crashing his computer

When Chuck Norris uses sudo, there are less privileges

Chuck Norris can delete system32 without his computer crashing

Chuck Norris's computer can execute an infinite loop in 2 seconds

Chuck Norris catch 'em all, shiny

Chuck Norris can go back in time, kill his grandfather, and still live

Chuck Norris can run Windows fast

Chuck Norris can see the source code of all binaries

Chuck Norris can break a one time pad

Chuck Norris can decrypt RSA with a public key

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Linus Torvalds live in constant fear that Chuck Norris' computer will crash

Chuck Norris can construct a set of all sets that don't contain themselves

Global Warming exists because Chuck Norris turned the sun up


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