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Chuck Norris Jokes


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224 replies to this topic

#191 phillip1882

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Posted 02 October 2009 - 11:58 AM

just couldn't help myself...

someone once tried to counter chuck norris's abilities by spelling his name backwards. instead chuck norris just got twice as powerful.

chuck norris once considered playing god, but then realized that would be basically what he already does.

the blood on chuck norris's shirt is yours.

osama bin laden is dead, chuck norris just hasn't claimed the body yet.

chuck norris is capable of killing you in his sleep. so whatever you do, don't.

god created the universe, not to be outdone, chuck norris created himself.

one time, chuck norris broke the law. now, chuck norris is the law.

time is considered to be relative to chuck norris.
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#192 Shadow Knight

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 12:31 AM

here are some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit

Chuck Norris plans to assisinate four other civil rights leaders just to get an entire week off in February

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Scientists found a substitute for plutonium in nuclear bombs: Chuck Norris's skin cells.

Got some more tell em'


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#193 Shadow Knight

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 12:33 AM

Atomic bombs don't run on plutonium or uranium, they run on Chuck Norris's skin cells.
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#194 Dutch Riddle Amateur

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Posted 17 October 2009 - 02:00 PM

They say God created the world in seven days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God with a snap of his fingers.
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#195 24_65_34_83_361

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Posted 17 October 2009 - 11:35 PM

Some people wonder why Chuck Norris is still single...
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#196 rockin104

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Posted 22 December 2009 - 03:41 PM

soooo, my first post! ^_^

so, I'm a big fan of Chuck Norris harassment, so I'm gonna go ahead and give it a try.

1:when queen came out with the single 'we will rock you' they had to change the text, which was originally 'we will Chuck you', because it was too violent.
2:birds can fly because they are too afraid of Chuck Norris to stay on the ground too long.
3:Chuck was never born. he simply WAS.
4:Chuck was never small, he was also never not grownup. he was young.
5:when Chuck was young, he slept with the light OFF.
6:Chuck Norris' knuckles invented colors.


hm... couldn't come up with anything better. still i like em
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#197 !//Maarten

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Posted 14 January 2010 - 06:59 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't look at explosions
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#198 madhatters10

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Posted 17 January 2010 - 09:49 PM

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his a** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.


*Wordless Shock*

There are actually films of Chuck Norris losing on YouTube!
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#199 JamieNerry

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Posted 02 April 2010 - 10:07 PM

Here's one...



If you google 'Chuck Norris getting his butt kicked', you will get zero results. ZERO!!!!!!!!!!

Here's another...


Ninjas want to grow up and be like Chuck Norris, but they usually end up to get killed by Chuck Norris :ph34r:
And another



There were 15,687,516 deaths in world war 2. Chuck Norris is two kills away from the record.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver ... and wins

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#200 Semper Rideo

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Posted 09 April 2010 - 04:38 PM

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, because Chuck Norris maintains a steady supply of fertilizer aka Ninjas.
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